i'm gonna love you through it | alemanda ✔

[chapter eleven]

Amanda

"ALESHA, WE NEED TAMPONS!" I yelled from the downstairs bathroom, trying to find a tampon for myself. "All we have are pads!"

"I'll pick some up then! Use a pad for now!" Alesha responded and she knocked on the bathroom door. "Same brand as the one that was in here?"

"Please," I replied. "Those ones are more comfortable than the ones upstairs."

"Do you want chocolate too?" She asked, most likely trying not to laugh outside of the bathroom door.

"Yes, please," I answered and took out a pad. Alesha knew that I loved chocolate, especially on my period but now we were both craving chocolate at similar times so that meant we were buying double the amount of chocolate. Alesha and I's cycles had already synched so she would get her period in a couple of days or so because I had gotten mine. This was a bit of a problem because we were using a box of tampons per a period because we went through half a box when we had both been single.

"Do you want to come with?" Alesha asked, her voice becoming further away from the bathroom.

"No, I'd rather stay here."

《h.d.》

Alesha left the house a couple of minutes later, leaving me alone. Azura, Hollie, and Lexi were all at school and I was now by myself.

I went upstairs to the bedroom that Alesha and I shared. I stood in front of the mirror by the vanity that was next to the closet door. I took off my shirt and I saw the still red scars where my nipples had been.

There was nothing there now but two long, red scars and I hated it. I didn't feel like a woman at all because I was missing my breasts. I couldn't go on the live show for BGT with a flat chest although I had told the public on my Twitter that I had breast cancer and I was going to have the mastectomy.

I lowered my head and the tears began to flow. I hated how I looked now and there was nothing that I could do yet to fix it. The reconstruction for my breasts wouldn't be until the second week of June. I had to wear baggy shirts to hide the fact that I was so flat.

The tears started to flow faster and I sat down on the hardwood floor, still in front of the mirror. I picked my shirt back up from where I had dropped it and put it back on. I didn't know why I had bothered to look at what my breasts looked like even though I had known that I would hate it. I wiped away my tears but they kept coming from my eyes quickly.

If I showed Alesha what my body looked like now, I didn't know how she would react to it or if she even would still have a crush on me.

《h.d.》

The front door slammed shut, announcing Alesha's return with the tampons and chocolate that she had bought for me. Alesha didn't come upstairs for a couple of minutes, trying to search for me downstairs. I wiped the last of my tears but my face was ruddy from crying.

Alesha came upstairs and she came into our room, seeing me sitting on the floor, in front of the mirror.

"Amanda," she spoke comfortingly and knelt down next to me to pull me into her arms. "Why were you crying?"

"I saw the scars," I replied softly. "Why do I have to be so flat, Alesha?"

"Because the double mastectomy got rid of the cancer and you've finished the rounds of chemo," Alesha responded, pulling me into her arms and kissing my cheek.

"My chest is hideous now," I announced quietly, the tears starting to flow again.

"No it isn't, babe. It shows what you've gone through. You're a trooper, Mandy," Alesha spoke.

"I don't feel like a woman anymore," I said to her as she kissed my cheek again.

"Because you had to lose your breasts?" Alesha asked in reply as she dried away my tears.

"Yes. That's why I've been wearing those baggy shirts," I told her. "I want my breasts back."

"I know that you do but we have to do the expanders first," Alesha replied, lowering her head to nuzzle my neck.

"I don't want to wait until June to have breasts though," I protested. "I want them now."

"June isn't that far way, babe. It's already late April," Alesha replied as she brought her head back up to kiss my lips.

"Do you still have a crush on me even though I look like this now?" I blurted out after I kissed Alesha back on the lips.

"Yes, I do still have a massive crush on you, Amanda," Alesha responded. "Even if you don't have any breasts."

"I was cleared to make love at the last doctors appointment," I announced shyly.

"That's amazing!" Alesha exclaimed. "I am going to treat you like a goddess because of what you've gone through recently when we make love for the first time since the mastectomy."

"I'm not worth being treated like a goddess, baby. You don't have to do that," I responded.

"I'm going to do it still, babe," Alesha said, her face becoming determined.

"Can we wait until I'm ready do make love again?" I asked her.

"Yes. If you want to wait a little while," Alesha replied, kissing my cheek again. "I would be willing to wait for you to be ready."

"Thank you," I responded and I kissed Alesha's lips while she let me go and I leaned into her. "Can we snog and get undressed and cuddle?"

"Of course we can, Amanda," she said in response, leaning down to kiss my lips again. I kissed her back and she helped me to get up and lay down on our bed.

"Are you ready to snog?" I asked her, smirking a little bit as Alesha got onto the bed and straddled my waist.

"What do you think?" Alesha retorted and kissed me once again.

《a.a.》

A chapter with this much emotion in it needs a happy end to the chapter. What do you think of Amanda's reaction to her body as it is now? And what do you think of Alesha's reaction to seeing that Amanda had been crying while she was gone?

I hope that you guys liked this chapter. What was your favorite part and what did you love about it? Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think! Bye until the next chapter!