Shattered Skies: The Morning Lights

CHAPTER 30: The Non-Canonical Lunatic Crack Chapter

Chapter 30: The Non-Canonical Lunatic Crack Chapter

[Author's Note: This is a very silly little thing, a gift to my readers for sticking with me for three years. Like the title says, it's totally non-canonical and absolutely crack. Don't worry, the actual story will continue as normal (or as normal as it gets, anyway) in Chapter 31. Happy third birthday to Shattered Skies, and thanks for sharing it with me!

- BHS, 10/14/2017]

The Lighthouse

Deep below the Lighthouse's towering central spire, below the Crossroads, below the Sekigahara communal training grounds, buried within the massive slab of floating rock that the crystalline structure rested upon, there was a room unknown to any of the interreality sanctuary's tenants. This room could not be found by any normal means; there were no physical entrances or exits, and the only way one could reach it without some manner of teleportation would be to create a tunnel down through layers upon layers of Immaterial, then bore down through the rock itself. Thus, no one could even find the room unless they were specifically looking for it.

If anyone were to somehow accidentally find their way down there, buried within half a mile of solid stone, they would most likely be shocked at what they found... and most likely in need of the room's services, after such an arduous task.

It was a bar.

A bar with a very exclusive clientele, to be exact. Only a handful of beings in all the multiverse knew of its existence. One such being sat on an Immaterial stool right at the front of the bar, nursing a colorful cocktail that was composed of roughly nine parts exotic fruit to one part alcohol... nevertheless, the way her cheeks were flushed indicated that the one part alcohol was doing its job.

That flush added a touch of crimson to her terracotta skin. She might have been Asian, Native American, or some mix of both, it was difficult to tell. Short, dark hair framed her round, reddened cheeks, and did a decent job of concealing the old-fashioned aviator goggles perched atop her head. Her clothes were casual and comfortable, a mishmash of styles culled from nearly every decade of Earth's late 20th and early 21st centuries... but the one constant apart from the goggles was her scarf, always wrapped securely around her neck. The young woman giggled into her drink as she spoke to the blue-winged spark behind the bar. It was always funny to watch Fantine's avatar prepare drinks, seeing as it didn't have hands, arms, or limbs of any kind save for its feathery deep blue wings.

"I really don't know, Jenny," said the winged spark with a deep sigh. "It's getting so complicated. All these people to keep track of, and nine of them still managed to sneak away from me and get themselves into trouble... I don't want to restrict their freedom, but-"

"Oh yeah," said the young woman named Jenny Everywhere with a ready smile as she waved her cocktail in Fantine's general direction. "Restricting freedom's no good. Very bad. You don't wanna do that."

"And they took Kinomoto with them! If they lose her, their worlds are doomed..."

"Miss Fantine, relax." Jenny tried to find a shoulder to pat for comfort, but was unable to do so. Probably a good thing. In her besotted state, she would have likely missed a shoulder by a few feet. "It'll turn out okay, you'll see. They wouldn't be magical girls if it didn't, right?"

"But this isn't like anything any of them have fought before, it's all gone wrong. One of the fundamental forces of nature is out of balance, and-"

The floating spark's lament was interrupted by a distinctive hum and crackle. A swirling lime-green circle of energy opened itself a few feet away from Jenny's barstool. Stumbling out of it came a tall, lanky, and aged figure, closely followed by a much shorter and more anxious-looking one. It might have been Jenny's imagination, but she thought she felt the temperature in the bar drop about a dozen degrees.