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"Coming!" I yelled from my room.
I swung my guitar around my shoulder, so that it was resting on my back, and ran downstairs to answer the door.
"Who is it?" I asked, while looking through the peephole. I couldn't tell who it was because the person wasn't in view of the peephole.
"It's Alex." the voice said.
I sighed and opened the door. I was faced with Alex Gaskarth, faced with someone who I once considered my best friend.
"What's up?" I asked.
"May I come in?" he asked.
"No." I said, I didn't have to be nice and I wasn't going to pretend that everything was peachy. "Just tell me what you're doing here, so you can leave and I can get back to doing what I was doing."
"Fine," he sighed. "Jack told me to tell you that he wanted to meet at the park by his house at nine."
"Why didn't he call?"
"He did, he even texted, but you weren't answering your phone."
I pulled my phone from my bra and checked it. Alex wasn't lying, Jack had called at least four times and left seven texts, all saying the same thing.
Meet my at the park near my house. Nine.
"Oops." I said, without any remorse.
"Look, Penny," Alex said. "I know you're hurt, but-"
I cut him off.
"I'm not hurt, Alex, hurt is when you stub your toe. What I am is pissed off and betrayed." I hissed. "Hurt it someone taking your favorite toy, what you and Jack and everyone else did devastated me. At first I thought that maybe it was my fault, that I did something to deserve it, but then I realized that I didn't do anything to you guys. You're the one's who approached me and annoyed and teased me, the one's who invited me out and made me believe that you guys were my friends. Fuck being hurt or even devastated, I'm just pissed off. So please don't come over here trying to tell me what I'm feeling or even that you're sorry, because I don't think I can be bothered to give a rat's ass anymore."
I shut the door in his stunned face and ran upstairs. I sat on my bed and cried, I meant everything I had said, but I was sure that if Jack asked me to be his girlfriend again I would say 'yes'. That realization pissed me off, was I so weak now that I actually need friends and a boyfriend?
I really hoped not.
I turned off all lights in the house and headed for my car. It was eight thirty and Jack wanted to meet at nine. I knew it would only take me fifteen minutes to get there, but I wanted time to be at the park by myself.
I parked in front of the playground and got out of my car. After I heard the 'beep' of my car locking, I started toward the park and went straight to the swings. I didn't swing, but just sat there and thought about what might happen when Jack showed up. I knew that he would try to get me to go back to being his girlfriend, but I didn't want to I would turn into that girl who wanted to know everything about where he was going. I would turn into the female version of Jason, just without the abuse.
I just resolved that no matter how much Jack said and did, I wouldn't get back with him; I screamed bloody murder when the swing started to move, I jumped off and looked to where I had just been sitting. There stood Jack with a sheepish look on his face.
"Sorry," I muttered. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"Well, you did." I said. "So, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"
"The party." he said.
Ah, so it had been dubbed already.
"There's nothing to talk about." I hissed. "Like I said on Friday, you cheated, we're through. We can't be friends, we weren't friends to begin with."
As I was leaving, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back onto the swing. He looked into my eyes, silently pleading with me to just hear him out.
I sighed.
"Look, I know I screwed up alright." he confessed. "I feel really bad about what happened and what is currently happening between us. I never meant to hurt you, hell I never even meant for you to find out. I know it's not an excuse, but I was drunk and I had wanted to sleep with her since grade 8."
"So, you were just going to sleep with her and lead me on to believe that you were still the perfect boyfriend?" I asked menacingly. "That's good to know. Now my resolve to never go out with you again is so much stronger."
"Penny," he said, I cringed at the use of his nickname for me. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry about what I did to you, I never meant for it to happen. I really do love you, although it really doesn't seem like it from what I did at the party, but I do love you."
"Right, I've heard that before." I whispered. "'I'm sorry Spencer,'" I said imitating Jason's voice. "'You know I love you baby, I'm sorry for hitting you; it won't happen again.'"
"Jack, if there is anything my dad and Jason and every other guy that's come into my life has taught me, it's this: no matter what they say or how much they apologize there is always that chance of it happening again, or the person will somehow rationalize what they did to make it seem okay or someone else's fault."
"I'm not trying to rationalize." Jack said, raising his voice.
"Yes, you are." I told him. "You were drunk, you'd wanted to do her for years, you never meant to hurt me. That's rationalizing."
"Fine," he shouted. "If rationalizing is trying to get you to forget what I did and get you to look at me the way you used to and smile and laugh, then I guess I am rationalizing. I just want things to go back to the way they were, before all of this happened. Everyone misses you, especially Zack. He's always been a quiet guy, but he's gotten quieter. He hardly talks to us now, he's mad at us for what we did. He really didn't know what was going on, until he overheard Alex and Lisa."
"Huh." I replied. "I guess that's too bad. But that isn't my fault."
I got up from the swing and started walking back to my car.
"I don't know why you want me back after what happened. You can't really think that it would be this easy, I may still love you Jack, but it's going to take a lot more than just a few words to get me back. You hurt me, just like Jason and my dad did."
I turned back and started walking toward my car again.
