Poetic Whispers

Now I understand

I always wondered why

When my friends gushed about boys

Their eyes lit up and they couldn't contain their grin

I never understood why it was so thrilling

I could understand the physical attraction

But they never seemed to excite me like they did

For the other girls

So in fifth grade

I'd say that I had a crush on a new boy every week

I saw who other girls liked and modeled choices after them

I might have felt a flutter or two but the spark still wasn't there

I wondered for a long time

Why when I told my friends I had a crush

My mouth felt sour and I couldn't picture a relationship with them

Saying I liked a boy always felt like a lie

Maybe this was how everybody felt

I must just be overthinking it

Then boys began flirting with me

And I was flattered but felt no connection

When I was in sixth grade

My friend threw dirty glances at the two girls

Who acted like lovers

And she said the word lesbian like it was a curse word

When I was in seventh grade

A boy told me that I was weird and I wasn't girly enough

So I went out and bought dresses

And caked makeup on my face to fit in

My whole life

I was told by every adult how disgusting it was

How could two men be together? It's an abomination

And every time I heard it my heart clenched

Every time I slept I dreamed that one day

I'd find my prince and everything would be right

Until one day the thought hit me in the gut

So hard that my breath caught and tears pooled in my eyes

I didn't want a prince

I wanted a princess

And it scared me to death

So I buried it and kept gushing about boys

But one day I met a girl

She had gorgeous flaming red hair

And every time she smiled at me I had to contain a squeal

Finally I understood what the other girls felt and it scared me

Until another thought occurred to me

How could love be an abomination?

How could the pure joy I felt from real love

Be a sin in any way?

So I accepted the butterflies

And told the people I trusted and heard the happiness

The 'I knew it''s and the 'I'm so proud of you''s

And knew that this was what happiness was supposed to feel like

Happiness I wouldn't feel searching for a prince.

~~~Basically this is the past few years of my life put into poetry, so sorry if it sucks but I don't really care~~