She's Kind of a Disaster

24- Trouble In Paradise?

The LSATS aren't until June and yet, they are already stressing me out. I have to study for them now but I also have my actual classes that I have to study for. My brain is going to explode. Not to mention the fact that I've just been in a bad mood all day.

I blame that on the fact that my classes are so dull that it feels like my brain is actually dying at how boring my classes are. I guess the statistics course isn't awful but I also had environmental law today and although I do respect the environment, I do not care one ounce about the legality behind it.

On a Thursday night, I have absolutely no plans. Bella knows that I have to study my ass off on Thursday nights so she doesn't even try to hang out and now that I'm not really talking to my brother, I'm all by myself and I'm getting this done no matter how miserable it makes me.

In my first two years of college, when I was dating Clayton, this didn't seem so bad. He would come over, massage my shoulders or kiss my neck while I was studying. Or if he wasn't touching me, he'd at least just be there, whether it be lying on my bed just watching me work, doing stuff on his phone, or helping me study with flash cards.

Being around him was so easy. He understood how to handle my stress, make me smile in the middle of the worst study guide. We were always laughing together at inside jokes and just existing so well together. kjkiI didn't realize how easy he actually made things until this year, when I don't have him here to make things easy anymore.

I'm now realizing just how awful law is and it just makes everything so much better knowing that this is what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life.

At about eight at night, there's a knock at my bedroom door. I know that I have to keep studying but my headache is begging me to take a break, even a few seconds, so I get up from my desk and open the door to see Shaw standing there.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him curiously, letting him into the room before I shut the door behind him.

"Your brother let me in. What are you up to?" He looks over at my desk and notices all of the books and notebooks open where I've been hard at work all night.

"Just some Thursday night torture," I mumble, going back to my desk. "I don't really have time for anything, I really have to study. I have an environmental exam on Tuesday and a poly sci paper on Wednesday so I'm kind of drowning here. Did you let me know that you were coming over? I didn't hear my phone."

"Nope, just surprising you," He shrugs and leans against the bed. "I was bored and decided to stop by. Are you sure that you can't take a little break?"

"I took a break an hour ago to eat," I mutter as I go back into the books.

"How long has it been since you've taken a break to breathe?" He wonders.

"Five weeks," I sigh as my headache is growing worse. I've already taken so many Aspirin tonight that I feel like I might overdose if I take any more. "You can stick around if you want but I'm not going to be much fun tonight. You'll just have to watch me study."

"Isn't this stuff for your major?" Shaw asks me curiously. "I mean, I know that college is stressful but if this is what you're majoring in, I feel like it shouldn't be making you miserable. You should like this stuff."

"In a perfect world, yeah. I guess that I should enjoy what I'm studying," I agree with him but I'm mostly focused on the text book and my notes, hardly paying attention to what Shaw is even saying. Usually, I do really like seeing him and I like spending time with him but right now is just a bad time.

On Tuesday, after Bella left, he spent the night and that was great so we saw each other yesterday morning. It's pretty strange that we're seeing each other two days in a row because that usually doesn't happen very often. Not that it's a bad thing but I worry that he'll distract me from the exam studying that I've been doing.