She's Kind of a Disaster

27- Bad Decisions

Monday goes by in a blur and then on Tuesday, I sleep all day until I have to get up to go to my doctor's appointment. This appointment is the only thing I can think about and it's making me sick to my stomach. Or maybe that's the pregnancy. I don't know. Clayton wanted to go too since he's apparently feeling very guilty about it. I didn't even entertain the idea and instead, opted to go with Bella instead.

She rides with me to the health center but stays quiet. I think that she's just as nervous about this as I am. Well, maybe a little bit less nervous but still freaking out.

I mostly just want to get this over with now. It's been a few days, I know what I want to do if it turns out that I really am pregnant, so I just need to hear it for sure so that I can deal with it.

At the doctor's office, I sign in and I have to fill out some forms but I don't have to wait too long before a nurse comes into the waiting room and calls my name.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Bella offers me as I'm standing up.

"No, I've got this," I promise her. I want her to go back with me but I just feel like I should woman up a bit and do this part on my own. I got myself into this mess, I need to deal with it without piggy backing off of Bella's support.

"Okay. Good luck," She calls to me as I disappear into the back with the nurse so that she can take me to an examination room . I'm not sure what to expect at all—I don't know if I'm going to be put into a gown or if they're going to look at my downstairs area. The nurse doesn't give me any instructions, she just puts me in the room and tells me that the doctor will be here soon.

There's no gown, no stirrups, so I just sit on the seat covered in a noisy paper slip while I cluelessly wait. Clayton texts me, insisting that I keep him updated on what's going on. I haven't gotten any texts from Jesse yet so I think that Clayton really hasn't told Jesse about what's happening. He definitely would have talked to me about it by now if he knew.

I don't message Clay back though because I don't have any new information for him. I know that he's only so worried at the thought of him being a father. It feels nice to believe that he's so worried about me—it almost feels like old times—but I know that he's only worried about himself.

"Good afternoon, Wren," A doctor finally comes into the room. She looks friendly but I'm still worried that she'll judge me for being pregnant at my age, in the middle of my college career. I should have been more careful. I should have dealt with my breakup in a healthier way. I shouldn't be here. I'm a good person, a good kid, I shouldn't have gotten myself into this situation.

"Hi," I mutter under my breath.

"So it says that you think you might be pregnant? Have you taken any at-home tests?"

"I took like, ten, and they were all positive," I inform her as she sits down on her rolling stool with a clipboard. She flicks some of her short brown hair over her shoulder and then prepares to start writing.

"Are you having any symptoms of early pregnancy? Nausea, morning sickness, food diversions, anything like that?" She asks me.

I answer her question and then there are a few more questions after that. I answer all of them, blushing when they get personal like talking about my sexual activity and my last periods. I know that they're necessary questions that need to be asked, so I answer them as honestly as possible.

"Okay, so what we'll do today is take a blood sample," The doctor informs me in a gentle voice. She doesn't sound nearly as judgmental as I was expecting. I bet she's probably dealt with pregnant college kids many times before. I think that knowing that I'm not the only person who has ever found myself in this predicament should make me feel better, but it doesn't. "The blood sample will confirm that you're really pregnant and we'll also know how far along you are."