She's Kind of a Disaster

28-I'll Go With You

In the state of Idaho, a woman has to have a counseling session at least a day before actually having an abortion. My counseling session is scheduled for after my classes on Monday—almost a week after going to the doctor. Because Shaw has been texting me constantly wanting updates on the procedure, I let him know that I was going. Bella offered to go with me but I'm tired of dragging her around in this mess. I know that she doesn't mind too much but I should be able to do this on my own.

In my legal studies class, we had a mock interview so when I drive myself to Planned Parenthood, I'm all dressed up and I feel absolutely ridiculous. I don't look like a lawyer, although that's the point of a mock trial, I'm just wearing a nice floral dress and black ballet flats because as long as I'm wearing a dress that passes my fingers in my legs, the professor doesn't really care.

I could wear pants but then they'd have to be dress pants and I don't really have a nice pair of dress pants. I did to my makeup for the mock trial too, convinced that maybe if I put some work into my appearance, I'd feel better about myself too.

I don't.

When I arrive at the center, I have to take a few deep breaths in my car before going in. I still feel like a complete mess and I don't want to have to sit down with a counselor and discuss this fetus in my uterus for an hour while they make me feel bad for wanting to get it out of me. I know that these counseling sessions are to convince the woman to not go through with the abortion so they're probably just going to pile it on, make me feel like shit. I should entertain myself by counting how many times the counselor mentions the word 'adoption'.

Before I go in, I text Bella that I'm going and she wishes me luck. I think that I'll need that.

Once I'm led back into the room with the counselor, I'm finding it hard to breathe. I just have to sit here for an hour and get judged by a complete stranger who thinks that I'm utter trash for wanting an abortion. I already feel horrible about myself, I don't want to do this.

"Hello, Wren," The counselor greets me. I find it ironic that this person is a guy. That somehow makes this worse. "Please have a seat."

Slowly, I take a seat on the couch across from the chair that he's sitting in. He looks comfortable and this is a comfortable-looking room. The walls are a light colored blue and there are flowers placed sporadically around the room. It's a clam room but I don't feel calm at all.

"My name is Colin, I will be your counselor today," He informs me as I sit. "Do you mind telling me why you're here today?"

"I have to be," I remind him slowly. "At least, they told me that I had to come to this before I could get the procedure."

"And by procedure, you're referring to an abortion," Colin states.

"Yes," I confirm but I'm a little bit confused because I felt like that was obvious. He says it like he thinks that I'm afraid to say the word 'abortion' but I'm not, I just chose a different word. "Sorry, they said that I had to do this before I could get an abortion."

"Okay. So we'll talk for about an hour, just a casual conversation about the decision and your other options," He starts to inform me. "And then I'll sign off at the end and we'll get you scheduled for your abortion. Does that sound good?"

"That sounds good," I nod. He seems nice, I guess. I was expecting some old shrew to yell at me about how I should have kept my legs closed and now have to pay the price. Colin is young-ish, maybe in his mid-thirties, and he's smiling but not in a creepy way.

"Great. So let's start with when you found out that you were pregnant. Can you tell me how you felt?"

"Horrible," I answer him. "Like my life was ruined."