The Anatomy of a Broken Heart //Completed//

83. Santana

HI GUYS SO I MESSED UP! LMAO IT'S A LITTLE EMBARRASSING, BUT I HAD TO REWRITE THE END OF THIS CHAPTER AND CUT OUT SOME STUFF, SO IF IT'S NOT TOO BIG A DEAL, COULD YOU PLEASE READ IT AGAIN AND PRETEND YOU NEVER EVER READ THE OTHER CHAPTER PLEASE THANKS ALL LOVE!!

Home. Finally home. I didn't like not being home anymore, even if the only place I went to now was school. I was exhausted, tired of everything that weighed on me, so when I left school, I took a drive to clear my head and ended up at the quarry. I didn't want to take all my thoughts home with me. I wanted to drown the in the dark waters below, to bury them in the woods that surrounded me, but when I left, I left with everything still swirling around in my brain. No one was around to hear me scream everything out of my body futilely. It was too early for the guys to be there and even if they were, I wasn't sure I'd be welcomed.

My phone buzzed again like it was calling out my name. I'd been dodging Jasper's calls all day and Marlow had been dodging mine. Whatever happened the other night with her at that stupid club was the least of my worries, but apparently, it was a top priority on her list, because she wasn't speaking to me or Zealand anymore.

I pushed thoughts of them out of my mind, or they were ungraciously shoved aside by the thought of Caleb. He was always on my mind, though. The way he looked with that awful black eye, the way he asked me if I really didn't care, and the fact that his priority wasn't that I got him beat half to death, but that I had lied to him. What a stupid boy he was, and what an even more stupid girl I was.

I dragged myself into my bathroom and touched the bruise forming on my back tentatively, wincing at the tenderness. It was one thing for Jasper to take a shot at me when he was wired. I'd felt that paranoia before too, where everyone looked like an enemy. It was something totally different for him to throw me against the wall the way he did. Out of anger. At me? No, I know knew it was because of that idiot, King. He was behind so much of what Jasper had done, including his rage towards Caleb. It hadn't been about me at all. Jasper wasn't the jealous kind. He was trying to prove something to King, but why, I wasn't sure.

"Where have you been?" Maria burst into my room with a look of pure distress I had only seen once before, completely erasing any thoughts of Jasper from my mind. I turned my back to the bathroom wall so Maria couldn't see my back.

"I was at school with you, dork." I frowned and picked up my sweater and put it back on, trying to hide the pain it caused to move my arms.

"No, you weren't. you weren't here!" She shook her head and moved her hands wildly, accusatorily.

"Hey, hey! Calm down, Maria. What's wrong?"

"We're getting evicted!"

I started. "What did you say?"

"Evicted. It means they're kicking us out of the house!"

"I know what it means! Why?"

"We can't pay anything, S...Daddy...he hasn't been able to work. If you'd been here you'd know."

"Now it's my fault?"

"No. No...I just...I thought you were helping Daddy out."

"I was. Am," I corrected quickly. It was technically a lie now. Mom had most of my money and I hadn't worked enough to give Dad anything decent, but eviction couldn't be true. We weren't that bad off, were we?

"He said you haven't given him anything in weeks," Maria said in a small voice.

"Maria...I..."

But Maria was already shaking her head and covering her mouth with her hands.

"Santana, I'm so sorry," she said. "I know you're not supposed to have to give him anything. It isn't your job, I know that!" She was sobbing now. "I'm just so scared."

"Hey." I pulled her close and hugged her tightly. It's okay, shh."

"I should've gotten a job, too. Babysat or something," she cried into my neck.

"No. You can't blame yourself. And we can't blame Dad...I'll figure something out." I thought of Jasper's proposal. I didn't believe in signs and I wasn't superstitious, but I couldn't deny the glaring opportunity staring me in the face to make things right by my family again. So I made up my mind as my baby sister continued to cry in my arms. "Tell her she'll get a cut," King had said. I needed that money.

"I gotta go. I'll call you." I pushed Maria gently away and went back into my room.

"What?" Maria sniffled. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to fix this," I said as I started changing. I needed something comfortable, something I could run in, in case things turned sour.

A cell phone dinged and I turned in time to see Maria's face of absolute shock until she recovered and shook her head. Her fingers moved rapidly over her screen replying to whoever texted her. The phone dinged again and this time Maria's face hardened. Her eyes looked up at me steadily.

"You've seen Mom."

It wasn't a question and my stomach curled up like a dead animal.

"What?"

"You've seen Mom!" She shoved the phone in my face. On the screen was a picture of me and my mom sitting in my car the day she went to school. It was a grainy shot, zoomed in too much for the photographer to have been close, but I couldn't pretend that wasn't clearly me.

Instead of answering her, I backed away and ran, like I always do. It wasn't dignified, but neither was my plan for tonight.

I ran for my car, leaving everything behind, including my cell and wallet. All I had were my keys, which I kept dropping in my haste to get away from here. But Maria wasn't behind me, screaming like she had every right to do. No one was chasing after me tonight and I realized, as I flew out of the driveway, that those happy families with smiles for days that exist in doll houses and television shows aren't real and that I wasn't allowed to hope for one. Whatever sins I'd committed, I was paying for them now. And seeing as I was already paying for them, I might as well keep my streak going.

The sun was setting on the horizon, casting a fiery glow above me as I raced down the street. I watched as it sunk behind the edge of the world, and I wondered, in a fleeting thought of existentialism, if I'd ever bear witness to the setting sun again. Would I ever make things right with Maria? Could Jasper and I ever really go back to what we once had? Would Caleb ever forgive me?

There were too many evers to fit in my head, but maybe one of those was attainable. Instead of turning left onto the street that led to my future, I took a detour and swerved violently right onto the golden road which led to my brief past.

SORRY FOR THE SHORT UPDATE BUT I KEEP REARRANGING THE ENDING. ANYWAY, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! ENDINGS ARE ALWAYS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE!