He stood for everything she was against and he wouldn't be caught dead befriending someone like her, but when the worst happens and they find themselves in a similar situation, only then will they realize they need each other to discover the anatomy...
There was no way I was going to sleep tonight so by the time Farrah came back, I lay in bed, eyes wide open and stoic. I forgot to pack an overnight bag so I watched her do it for me with a strange conviction. Strange even for her. She didn't get mad, or reprimand me like she used to. Just nodded once and began shuffling around my room while I stared at her from my spot on the bed.
"Ready!" she declared cheerily and held up my bag for me to take.
We climbed into my car and drove, with half-shut eyes of resignation, down the highway towards the beach. The lights flashed by us casting jagged shadows at even intervals.
"I love you, Caleb," Farrah said, and took my hand.
It was doubt partitioned. Or a love partitioned. A twist of the words I was used to hearing. A frequent confession of love but salted with something I hadn't noticed before, but only now realized had been there always. A twist in her lips as she said the word 'you.' As if it cost her more to confess I was the object of an affection so difficult to obtain. It was not the feeling which weighed heavily, it was in the way she felt it within to the marrow. It came easily enough, to feel. But when she said 'you,' as in I, it was with some difficulty. I could see it cost her something. "I love you," she said but didn't mean. Yes, she loved...but it wasn't me who she felt for. And my happiness was divided, and half of me doubted and half of me knew. Still, I resisted and let her say it and let her pretend to mean it. It was an old voice reminding me of an old love though.
Something hit the windshield with a crack and I saw it was a butterfly. Its wings were still intact—beautiful blue and black—but twitching, and I thought of her. Not of the beautiful golden girl sitting next to me, but of Santana, the broken butterfly. Blue and black wings, like the bruises on her back.
In the silence, all the words I'd hidden from Farrah, and everything I never told her began to fight their way through and I could do nothing for the storm my heart had begun to kick up until finally, I burst. I told Farrah everything. I told her the truth about the deal Santana and I struck and that along the way I'd discovered my own truths about how I had fallen in love with someone else.
She was quiet and I still drove the wrong way. I would keep driving and give her time until she told me what she needed.
"Me too," was her confession.
"Coleman."
She smiled sadly and nodded. I didn't understand her sadness, but I guessed it couldn't be so very different from mine. That's the trouble with love. We wait for someone to come along that will be deserving of our love but the truth is we always give it to the most selfish and undeserving people.
And yet, I found myself driving down that still unfamiliar road towards Santana's house and knocking on her door. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. As I was dropping Farrah off I felt a shock go through me from the core of my belly, out. It was mild, but it set my nerves on edge. I knocked louder and rang the doorbell for good measure. Then I knocked again.
The door swung open and on the threshold stood Maria. Her cheeks were wet and her eyes red and puffy.
I ignored all my instincts to ask her if she was okay because that would have been a stupid question anyway.
"I need to talk to your sister," I said, a little afraid that those tears were because of Santana.
"She's not here. She hasn't been here for a while." Her voice was raspy from the effort of crying.
"And you haven't reported this?"
She laughed at that, which sounded more like a cough. "You obviously don't know her very well yet. That's just how she is. She disappears one day travels through the wardrobe and turns up days later. As if no time has passed." There was bitterness in her words. Anger I never would have believed Maria to be capable of.
"She's not answering her calls," I said.
"She left her phone here. That's a new one even for her."
"Well do you know where I can find her? It's kind of urgent."
"No clue. She can stay lost for all I care." Maria shrugged and the door jerked a little like she wanted to slam it in my face.
"Oh," was all I could say. I was a little stunned. She was clearly not going to be any help so I turned around, ready to go to the quarry or the graveyard or the warehouses. Anywhere I could think of to find her.
"You could check Jasper's place." Maria wiped her tears away as she spoke. "Whenever she gets lost, she's usually with him."
Of course, she was.
"Ar-are you okay?"
"She lied to me, Caleb. She's been seeing my mom and she never bothered to mention it."
"How did you find out?"
"Does it matter?" She crossed her arms in front of her and jutted her delicate chin out, challenging me.
"Well, did you ever stop to think that maybe she did it to protect you?"
Maria searched my face with a frown. "That wasn't her choice to make."
"Listen, Maria. I may not know Santana like I hope to. I have no idea if she feels the way I do about her or if she even thinks of me anymore. But if there is something I know beyond a shadow of a doubt about your sister is that she loves you above anything on God's green earth. If she hid something like this from you, it was because she knew something you and I don't."
Maria chewed on her lip and fresh tears sprung from her eyes. "Something is wrong. I can feel it."
"I know."
"My sister is not as tough as she pretends to be, Caleb. Please help her."
"I promise." I gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and a hug, hoping she'd feel better. It was all I could do.
My phone buzzed with Maria's text with Jasper's address and I raced down the increasingly winding streets towards his apartment. When I got there, the street was empty. Cars were parked on the curb of the road in front of the apartment complex, including a van with curtains covering the back windows. I saw Santana's car parked haphazardly behind it as if she'd gotten out of it while it was still running. The door wasn't even properly closed. I peeked inside and found no other clues within. I didn't really want to go up there and catch her with Jasper doing something I'd never be able to erase from my memory, but I still felt like something was wrong. I had to find out if she was okay. I decided that catching her here with Jasper would be better than finding her hurt or worse anywhere else.
So I gathered up my courage and took a deep breath and climbed up the rickety stairs towards apartment B-37, praying I'd find her safe.
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