3 Years

Chapter 15

"What you have to know is that I didn't know what Jack was going to do to you." Dan suddenly blurted. He had been quiet for a few minutes and his sudden outburst made me jump. 

Since I wasn't going to be talking anytime soon I tried not to make any reaction. When Dan realized that I still wasn't going to say anything to him he sighed and tried to continue telling his story. The story that he really didn't need to tell me because I honestly didn't want to hear it. I'd already given up on hoping that Dan was really a nice guy. 

"Right you're not going to answer..." he fiddled with his hands. "Okay. Yesterday I was on my laptop doing absolutely nothing productive and Jack sent me a Facebook message. When I looked at it I saw that he had told me that he wanted to apologize to you for being...well a dick. I thought that was a great idea! So he told me to meet him in the forest with you later in the night. I didn't want to tell you where we were going because I didn't want you to say no."

While Dan was talking I had mastered my 'no emotion face'. Basically I make no facial expression at all. Now that sounds like it's really easy to do but I'll tell you, it isn't when all you want to do is kill someone. I don't like the sounds of that...I generally never get that angry. But you know what? I trusted Dan and he brought me out to get beaten up in a forest. 

"Do you forgive me?" he asked. "Even a little bit?"

I shook my head without even thinking about it. I didn't need to. There was no reason why I should forgive him. To be honest, he didn't even apologize. He just told me what had happened. I wanted to tell him that I would never forgive him and that I would never actually speak to him again but...I wasn't going to talk. That's not going to happen any time soon.

"Come on Philly. Say something. Please." Dan reached out and put a hand onto mine.

I instantly pulled away and glared at him. Dan wasn't allowed to touch me or even have a nickname for me after what had happened. He might not think that Jack nearly killing me was his fault but it really was. He knew how much Jack hated me. He knew that Jack wasn't the type of person that would apologize for something. Why couldn't Dan be smart and figure out that it wouldn't end well for me? Maybe he did know but he just wasn't admitting it...

I just shook my head and went to go back up to my room. I was already finished with all the projects so I could just doodle. I might try to sketch something depressing like I usually do when I'm upset. I've noticed that if I draw my feelings out they're not pressing down on me so much. It's like I've told someone professional about my problems and they help make it better. 

Dan didn't even try to stop me when I left. Of course he didn't. The person he was picking on just shut him out so there's no point trying to fix anything now. 

As soon as I got into my room I locked the door so that Dan had no way of getting in. I mean...he could pick the lock or try to climb in through the window but I get the feeling he won't do that. Locking the door should keep me as safe as I need to be. 

I found my sketchbook and pencil case sitting on my bedside table so I flipped it open t a new page and started sketching. I just let my mind wander and draw whatever it wanted. I honestly didn't care what it was. If I focus on what I'm drawing it won't be what I need to get off of my mind. If I let myself wander and let my drawing hand do whatever, my worries generally get lifted off my shoulders. 

I don't know how long I was drawing for but when I finally looked down, my eyes widened in shock. I had drawn my back getting stabbed. You know the expression. Getting stabbed in the back. By the looks of it, the person holding the knife was Dan. I knew his hands anywhere. I might not want him in my life anymore but I could still recognize his hands anywhere. That's something that I can't help but do.