Limerence (Tom Hiddleston fanfiction)

Chapter 15

I had messaged Daniel to meet me at the Caffé Du Grand. It was a fifteen-minute walk from my apartment. I sat near the window so that I could have something to look at besides him. I had ordered a cup of tea. I stared out of the window seeing nothing, thinking of Tom this morning. He had made me his incredible porridge and we spent the better part of the morning talking in bed. Then he recited the poem "Talking In Bed" to me. 

I sighed deeply feeling like the porridge had turned into a solid block of cement in the pit of my stomach. I was terrified to see Daniel, terrified of what he wanted to say and terrified that I would have to tell Tom. I think about last night, the kiss, all the kissing, the cuddling, the talking and sleeping in Tom's arms. The level of intimacy shared when two people "sleep" together always amazed me. I felt so confused... 

Daniel and I had met through Allie and Henry. Daniel and Henry are best friends. Daniel and I talked over the phone for a month before meeting - he was doing his master's degree at another university that was 13hours away - so it was probably doomed from the start. When I met him for the first time in person I knew that I was madly in love with him - I had fallen for his soul, long before our eyes met. We tried to make the long distance thing work for a couple of months, but we couldn't keep the spark that turned into a fire burning and the smoke of longing and distance began to suffocate us both. The breakup left me heartbroken for months. We were perfect for each other, but the timing was wrong. I hadn't had a boyfriend since then, unable to move on. The first time I saw him again was two months ago at the engagement party with his new girlfriend. I was shattered. I had wanted to travel but seeing him and her made something inside me break and it solidified my decision. I booked my tickets a week later and placed my first downpayment for my apartment. But, then when I was finally okay with being on my own and not in search of love or a replacement for the crater he left - I met Thomas. 

Tom had turned my world upside down and right back up again. He had awoken feelings in me that were buried so deep I had lost them in the wreckage. His heart which was so pure and passionate, I admired his intelligence, his humble nature, his manners and presence, the way he could make me laugh until I was breathless... the way he made me feel when he kissed me - like I was everything and the only thing that mattered to him...

"Scarlett?" I closed my eyes, horrified at the sound of his voice - it felt so unreal. It was like one of the characters from my real life had wandered into my fairytale dream and with this appearance, the entire illusion of the dream was broken. I look up at him, he is smiling at me. He is wearing a white button shirt, pair of jeans and his glasses. I have a thing for guys with glasses - go figure. 

"Hello Daniel, please, sit?" He sits opposite me and I feel my breathing fail me. "So, what are you doing here? Why are you here?"

"Well, Scarly," my breathing hitches. "I'm here for you." he folds his hands and leans over the table to me. 

"What do you mean? Why did you leave Jaqueline?" I feel my stomach knot. 

"Scarlett, I, she was there last year, she was comfortable, she didn't challenge me - I should never have gotten involved with her in the first place and I didn't realise that I wasn't over you until I saw you two months ago at Allie and Henry's engagement party. I couldn't believe I had ever let you slip away, I should have chased after you," She was a downgrade I scoff. 

"Daniel," he leans over the table and put his hands over mine, his beautiful hands cover mine and their touch is so familiar. I shift in my seat, unable to pull my hands away. "I've wanted nothing but this for the past year," I look down, my heart thud hopelessly melancholic. "But, I met someone a week ago and, I, if you had just been one week earlier," I put my head in my hands, unable to look at him. 

"Do you love him?" I shake my head. "Are you falling in love with him?"I peek up at him behind my hands, nodding. "Do you love me?" Daniel and I had never said we love each other, but even in the absence of it being said - it was always known. 

"I did, I, still do to an extent, but Daniel," I say, but it is barely an audible whisper. 

"Scarlett, please? Just give me one more chance. We never got the fair chance we deserved. You and I both know what we felt, what we still feel between us, is something exceptional." he was right, he was absolutely right - but it wasn't so simple anymore. 

"Daniel, I don't know what to say," tears start welling up in my eyes and I see his face pull concerned and distressed. "I wish you had just told me this a week ago. I've wanted this for so long, but now, I, I don't know what to do." I felt the tears stream from my eyes, my heart aching, my hands trembling. 

He moves his seat closer to mine and wraps his arms around me. I start crying - bawling - I don't even care that we're in a public place. I'm still crazy about him, but I'm also falling hard for Tom. I didn't know what to do. My heart overruled my head and I looked up at his face, his beautiful face even though I knew it would melt my heart. 

"Daniel, I waited for you. I waited for you for a year. Why couldn't you have told me this sooner? Why didn't you call? I loved you, I still do and you knew it. Somewhere deep inside you must have known I missed you and that I wanted to be with you." He looks at me with those piercing eyes and my voice is lost on me. 

"I love you too."  He leans down and kisses me. My head is screaming to pull away, but my body refuses to obey. Finally, like jilting from a horrible nightmare I pull away and grab my bag. I hear him call me but I'm out of sight before he can follow me. Jolting out of the caffé, tears streaming down my face, my entire body rigid.

I slow my pace when I'm certain I've lost him. Why is this happening? I've wanted to hear him say those words, dreaming, wishing, praying that someday we might find our way back to each other and now everything was ruined. I took a cab and went to the Louvre, thankful that I had my sunglasses with me. I hid behind them, taking them off as soon as I was through the glass pyramid and down the spiral staircase. I kept on walking, sure I was lost after a few minutes until finally, I was in a hall where there were almost no other human beings. I looked at the marble sculptures, consumed in their craftsmanship. I kept on walking aimlessly, calming myself as I admired the great works of art. Something about the Louvre and the public privacy one could achieve was addictive. I sat down on a bench, trying to figure out what I was going to do. 

So I did what any confused woman in my situation would do - do to the absence of alcohol and chocolate - I called my mother. I had explained the entire situation to her and after finally catching my breath and the end of the sobbing she began to speak and soothe me - just like I knew she would. 

"Scarlett. Get on a plane and come home. You can write to them both and explain the situation and your decision when you have gained some distance and perspective. You are not thinking rationally right now because you are in the middle of a big decision. Daddy and I will pay for the ticket and we'll figure this out." I sigh, she was right, but my heart bled for both of them -- because I knew I would end up hurting someone.

I got back to my apartment and packed my suitcase. I booked a flight for tomorrow morning and called my apartment's supervisor - telling her that I'll be gone for a week.And that I would no longer have the need to lease the apartment. I had five missed calls from Daniel and two from Tom. I sent Daniel a long heartfelt e-mail. I have finished with Paris anyway. 

I was in front of Tom's hotel front desk, my hands shaking as I handed the desk clerk my letter.