Limerence (Tom Hiddleston fanfiction)

Chapter 14

She moans into my mouth while my hands steady her face and move into her hair, pulling her to me. I have longed to kiss her for so long, she tastes as good as he looks. I grasp her chin, deepening the kiss and her tongue tentatively touches my lips. Curious, feeling, wandering, kissing me with the same intensity. 

I lean away, both of us exasperated. She studies me, her eyes impossibly large and her beautiful face, I hesitate for a moment before leaning in again. Was I ready for this? I knew that if I kissed her again I would be bound to her forever, that this type of love doesn't come twice, only once. And then like being pulled by gravity, everything shifted and I dove into her. Her eyes, lips, face, hair, skin, body - my soul and heart revealed to her. 

She moans against me, her lips parting, panting as I explore her warm mouth. I feel her skin, running my hands down her neck. I start kissing her neck, and we descend on the bed. Grasping my hair  I continue to kiss her. My body tenses when she moves her hands down my back and up again under my shirt. She moans in delight as I kiss her collarbone, her skin tastes sweet. 

She caresses my cheek, I look up to see her face a rose blush, unsure whether she wants me to stop, but then she twists her fingers in my hair, pulling gently. Damn, that feels good... I lean over her, her body stretched out beneath mine and I know what I want to do to every inch of her skin, but not tonight.

We hover there for a moment, I stroke the side of her face as she caresses mine. Both of us smile simultaneously and she leans up kissing me softly. Tender and shy, just like I know her. We don't speak I turn on my side and lay down next to her, her dress's zip halfway down her back, I hadn't even realized I'd undone it till I stroked her bare skin sending chills down my spine. I quickly pull up the zip as she kisses my jawline. I close my eyes, brushing the top of her head, kissing and smelling her hair. She smells like vanilla and rose, two of my favourite scents. 

She is looking up at me, eyes searching, looking so deliciously untamed. I give her forehead a kiss and pull her to me.

"I think, that was the best first kiss I've ever shared with someone." I muse and she giggles against my chest - a delightful sound. She plays with my chest hair and I feel my muscles tense, I want to touch her so badly, unwrap her like the gift she is... 

"You kiss by the book." Not Shakespeare! My kryptonite! Bollocks. 

I grab her by her waist and pull her on top of me, she squeals in surprise. I pull up the hem of her dress. I sit up, pulling her legs around my waist - she moves with me so eloquently and smooth - like our bodies weren't complete strangers, but familiar. I feel her hips arch forward against my pelvis and I stir, breathing deeply as I kiss her neck, her hair toppling all over me. Filling my nose with its delicious scent. She leans back as I place my hands at the small of her back, she arches for me and I gaze profoundly and stupified at her beauty. 

I know that I should be courteous and earnest and stop, or at least slowdown, but my blood rushes and I feel my body ache for hers. 

"I've wanted you like this for so long," I whisper in her neck, feeling the goosebumps on her perfectly flawless flesh. "What are you doing to me?" She runs her fingers up my neck into my hair. Suddenly and miraculously I'm overcome with self-control as I remove my lips from her skin and lean away, looking at her blushing skin. 

"We should stop because if we don't stop, I'm going to lose myself in you and with it my mind." She exhales deeply and smiles, nodding. 

"We should." she crawls off of me, I look at her sprawled out breathlessly. Oh, darling, I can't wait to see you like this again, hopefully, undressed. 

"Tea?" she smiles. 

"Tea would be lovely." She gets up off of the bed, hair wild and face flushed, looking unnaturally arousing. She leaves and I have time to collect my bearings. I splash some cold water on my face, returning to her bed and finding her entering with our tea. 

"I'm quickly gonna get changed, I'll be right back." She hands me my tea and I sip, she makes a mean cup of tea, but still not as good as mine. 

She returns in an oversized T-shirt and short-shorts - have mercy on me? We spent the rest of the morning drinking tea and talking about the evening and all the people she had met and how wonderful the food was. We cuddled, and I stroked her hair while her head rested on my arm. Our words became less and our eyes heavy until we finally drifted off into a deep and peaceful sleep. 

In the morning when I woke the sun was shining, but it was still early - I looked at my watch, just after 7. Then I stared at the little angel sleeping soundly next to me, her face hidden from me, I watched as her body rises and falls with her slow steady breathing. I try my best not to wake her as I get off of the bed and quickly jump into the shower. 

When I get out, she is still asleep so I move to the kitchen and make her some coffee - and some for myself, I needed caffeine today. I peeked in her cupboards and saw that she had porridge. Thank goodness! I make incredible porridge. I quickly got to work, finding my way around the kitchen easily. I kneeled next to the bed, looking at her face, so innocent and unaware of my presence. I couldn't deny the stinging feeling that she was too good for me, that I didn't deserve her. I could hear my father's unwelcome voice telling me that I'd just make a mess of things and I wondered if I would ever be able to make him proud. Why I even cared was beside me, I hated the fact that I had daddy issues, but ever since the divorce my entire view of love, life and myself had changed - even though I was a child at the time - it still hurt. I hadn't shown her that insecure and pathetic side of myself and I knew that if I was going to give this thing a shot and leap that I would have to be completely honest. The idea of bearing your soul to someone is frightening, but if that honesty is met with acceptance nothing is more liberating. 

I looked at her, contemplating if I could trust her. I had never let anyone completely in, always terrified of getting hurt or leaping only to meet the ground with an unmerciful reality check. When the two people who are supposed to be the example of what love means ended up falling out of love - the possibility of 'forever' becomes blurry and unrealistic. Last night I let her in, deeper than I had ever let anyone in and that frightened me. Was I being thoughtless and reckless? Was this happening too fast and too soon? I sighed deeply, she opened her eyes and smiled at me, and I suddenly knew that nothing could change the inevitable truth -

You can't really legislate for the decisions that your heart makes.