Limerence (Tom Hiddleston fanfiction)

Chapter 22

Is this what it would be like? If we were to be together, would I always feel ordinary and boring while he is out in the world, conquering? Would I always feel inferior? I hated the feeling that was rushing over me and I started crying even more. Why had I called Tom? I had felt so sad all the sudden, but I did call him and it was stupid. I didn't know what the hell I had done, I can't lose him. I couldn't move, my limbs had become concrete. I looked up at the ceiling, knowing that this was too good to be true. 

I've lost people more times than I am able to bare. Losing Daniel, losing Beatrice to London, losing Allie to Henry and now losing Tom...

"Scarlett, there is someone here to see you." I froze, the blood leaving my body. Had Daniel lied? Was he here? He told me that he would see me soon - had he meant today? 

"Scarlett, it's me." It was Tom!

He cannot see me like this. Bawling like a complete pathetic idiotic moron! I looked at my reflexion. I was hideous! Pink, flushed, blotchy and puffy. I searched the counter for anything that could assist the wreck that was my face, nothing.  And I'm still standing wrapped in a towel. I quickly pull on my robe and try to keep my emotions in check.

"Come in?" I look down, ashamed. I can't believe he is here, I can't believe he just showed up here. Oh shit, I was terrified of what he might say. Was he going to end it? Us?

"Scarlett?" He moves over to me quickly, wrapping his arms around me. Not the reaction I had expected - definitely better. He looks concerned and like the sweet Tom I know, not the version I just heard over the phone. 

I missed him, even though I only saw him yesterday, even though I was angry at him for scowling me. Looking at him now, eyes wide with care and what I believed was fear - I felt calmer, but still overrun with emotions. 

"I missed you," he whispers against my hair. "I'm so sorry if I hurt you, I shouldn't have said those things, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I can't help but cry, my mind feeling helpless and lost. "Talk to me?" He pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. He was wearing a suit, looking dashing, but unnatural as he sat on the floor long-limbed.

"I just, I don't know how to say this to you." I was so unnerved when I was near him, constantly aware of everything he did and I did. He looks at me, eyes wide and now with uncertainty and what I was certain was fear. 

"Talk to me? Is this about Daniel?" he inquires and I can hear the caution in his voice but also hints of anger. "Or about us?"

"No, it's just. Tom, you're just too... You're too perfect. I feel like a babbling stumbling mumbling idiot when I'm around you, constantly aware of how nervous I am. You just, you intimidate me and you scare me." I breathe deeply trying not to cry. "And I don't want to live in the shadow that your career and person causes. I feel like I will never live up to you because you, your perfect and I don't know how to handle that." he turns his face and lifts my chin so I'm looking at him.

His big blue eyes meet mine and again I feel my stomach turn and my skin tingle with nerves. I gulp as he frowns seriously, looking at me for a few seconds - which felt like hours - before speaking.

"I'm far from perfect darling, and the fact that you think that I am, just means that you don't know me yet. I don't want you to feel like a babbling stumbling mumbling idiot when you're around me." he smiles and studies me intently. "I'm crazy about you Scarlett and that terrifies me, but it excites me as well." He strokes my cheek and I feel the tears swim in my eyes. "Scarlett," he releases his arm from me and moves so he can look at me completely, facing me without any hope of my eyes escaping. "I have faults, faults that I carry with me on a day-to-day basis. I can be overbearing and you must tell me when I am doing it to you because I don't always realize when I'm doing it and it can be a terrible thing." he looks straight ahead before stealing a glance at me again and continuing.