DIRTY LAUNDRY

21

My lungs gave out,
As I faced the crowd •

"Whoa, okay... his name is William, which is your middle name. And his last name is Gaskarth, also like yours." He analyzed. I was literally speechless. Jack led me to the bed and sat me down. "Do you remember him at all? I mean, did you recognize him or anything?"

"I, I think it really was him. Holy fuck, Jack... That was my dad. What the hell?" I mumbled the last few words into my palms, in which I buried my face.

"Shit. Is that bad? I mean, yeah you haven't seen him in so long but aren't you glad? Just a little bit?" He asked me. I know what he meant, but with my father, that wasn't the case. He was an asshole and he obviously stayed one. Only he was capable of giving me his business card, one would think he actually wants to brag. He's a lawyer, yes, he has a lot of money, I'm sure. But none of that could ever replace his absence while I was growing up. What I do remember about him is pretty much stupid materialistic gestures like this. He thought he could buy his way into my life and had delusional moments like giving me $100 so I wouldn't tell mom I saw him kissing another woman. Every time I thought about him, it made me sick, which is why I never wanted to see him again, I stopped thinking about him.

"No. There's not much I remember, but I guarantee you, this is the last thing I wanted." I replied. He took a seat right next to me and put his arm around my waist.

"Well, you don't have to talk to him, you know that, right?" He pointed out. But how could I not? When mom finds about this, she'll surely try to talk me into it. She'll say something like 'Give him a chance to explain and then you never have to see him again'. To be honest, I didn't really think about not talking to him; I mean I wasn't planning on letting him back into my life with open arms but if he found me, I'll listen. And then I will tell him that things are never gonna be normal for us; he's my father DNA wise, nothing else, he never was and never will be my dad.

"I know, but I think I'm gonna give him a chance to explain and only that. After that, I don't need him. I never actually have." I explained. Jack nodded.

"I understand. Are you gonna talk to your mom?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm gonna tell her over break. You're coming with me, right?" I double checked.

"I wouldn't miss gran's delicious cooking for the world, you bet I'm coming. Oh, which reminds me." He said and walked to his side of the closet, pulling out a squeaky bone-shaped toy and a superman printed collar. "I saw it at the shop, thought I'd get Oli a present as well. Also... this." He said and tossed me a pack of heart-shaped doggy biscuits.

"Awh, my god, these are way too cute! That is so thoughtful!" I said and walked up to him. I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss on his lips. "Thank you, he'll be ecstatic, squeaky toys are his favorite."

"Yeah? Alright! And no problem. What are we gonna get for your mom and grandparents?" He asked, smiling.

"Oh, we don't have to..."

He cut me off. "Yeah, we do. It's tradition, Alex... please. Besides your family has been so welcoming and accepting, I want to. So no arguing. I only want some pointers."

"Jack..." It was very sweet of him but it was too much.

"I told you, I'm not arguing with you, I want to do this, okay?" He said and I nodded. Who was I to ever question him? "Now, I was thinking a bottle of some of the best bourbon there is and a tie for your grandpa."

"That sounds like him, yeah." I agreed.

"Okay, Ed... check. I had an apron in mind for your grandma, something custom made, like 'The hottest cook'. Would that be too much? I mean, her sense of humor is pretty badass." He asked.

I chuckled. "That would actually be perfect, all her aprons are old and torn... and yes on the humorous input." I was very impressed and most of all surprised. Jack is a very good judge of character, he has only visited my family once and he knows exactly what kind of gift to get for each of them.

"Great, apron for grandma." He said and threw himself on the bed, tapping next to him, which meant 'Join me'. "Crossed grandparents and Oli off the list which leaves us your mom. I have no idea what to get her." He added.

"I think I might be able to help out there." I rolled to the side and kissed his cheek. "She has always wanted one of those rumba vacuum cleaners, you know, Oli and all his coat hair."

"Oh yeah, fantasic idea. So we're set." He smiled.

"What about your family? Your mom and dad, May?" I asked. "We have to get them something as well." Of course we couldn't just forget his family.

"I'll take care of that, I have some ideas. We can go shopping tomorrow?" He removed strands of hair off my face.

I nodded. "Yeah. I should call Lisa for a drink, is that okay?"

"Of course!" He kissed my temple. We were just lying there, cuddling. Thoughts and dilemmas of how I should handle things with my father were still rolling around in the back of my head, like, should I talk to him before or after I visit mom over the break.

There aren't many memories I have of him, half I don't even remember but I remember the day he left clearly and in detail. The sun was setting, it was evening and I was sitting at the desk in my room, doing homework. My father had been nagging me about it ever since I came home from school. He said 'Stop with that stupid strumming shit and go do your homework'. He was referring to my guitar. I was still learning to play and was struggling with it at first. I never talked back to my father, I rarely argued with him; mostly I just listened and did what he told me to. I remember looking out the window, I could see the driveway perfectly if I climbed on my desk. I saw him leave, no suitcases or bags; he just sat into his car and left. He never came back and even mom didn't know where he was. She then decided that we could do it without him so we never bothered looking for him; and we did it. Mom made sure that I never missed him, that he didn't take anything away; she filled the holes his departure caused. To be honest I didn't miss him, I never got jealous or felt sorry for myself when my peers talked about their fathers. I kind of felt relieved.

Maybe it's just me, but I find that a bit odd; but he just left us, he wasn't worthy of our time.