DIRTY LAUNDRY

26

I got my ass kicked but you held the ice,
I was a train wreck but you took the ride •

"Come on, the countdown is about to begin, grab your champagne glass, sweetie." I heard mom say. All this time I've been staring at my phone, waiting for Jack to reply but he never did. I didn't really know how to feel about that; I guess I was disappointed. A part of me felt incredibly guilty for not speaking first and kept going on with this sharade, I know I can be stubborn as fuck, but so can he.

I picked up my glass from the table, lifting myself off the couch.

"Ten, nine, eight..." Everyone in the room was counting down when my cell vibrated. I checked in hopes of seeing a reply from Jack, reading how he misses me too. I noticed he sent me a picture as well. I almost dropped my glass when my eyes gazed upon something that shattered my heart into tiniest pieces. My eyes got teary but I really didn't want to cry in front of my family, so I held them back.
There was a picture of Jack and Andie kissing; the text said Happy new year!
My heart sunk into my stomach and I felt like heavy weight was dropped right to my chest.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" My family exclaimed and all I saw was that picture, it was burnt into my mind. Sounds were echoing inside my head and I just downed my champagne in a second.

"Oh, honey, take it easy. Happy new year!" Mom said, pulling me into a hug. I tapped her back gently, pulling away.

"Thanks mom, can I be excused! I need some air." I tried holding back the tears and she noticed.

"Sure. We can talk about it later if you want." She understood. I just nodded, grabbing my hoodie and walked out. When I stepped on the street I started running. There were fireworks everywhere, people were celebrating and I kept running. I wanted to disappear from this world, wanted for the earth to open up and swallow me. I couldn't get that image out of my head. Why would he do this? Why would he go back to her, after everything she has done to him, to us... What's going on?
I stopped and dropped to my knees on the cracked sidewalk, tears bursting out. I buried my face into my palms and just cried. I cried for 10 minutes, sobbing my heart out. What have I done to deserve this?

A new year celebration is something you remember. I'm certain I won't be forgetting this one any time soon.

🌹

I was sitting on the couch, drinking tea and staring at the TV screen. My eyes were dried out and red, I couldn't cry anymore. Mom has been cleaning up some stuff in the kitchen ever since I got home. It was 2am and I wasn't feeling sleepy at all. I told her about the text, I showed her the picture and she just wrapped her arms around me, saying that I will solve this when I return to the dorm. I agreed, not being able to think about it any longer.

"Honey, how bout you go and get some sleep?" She asked. I nodded and took my cup to the kitchen. She took it from my hand. "I'll do that, you go. Take Oli with you." She grinned, watching me walk up to my room and Oli following me.
I cried myself to sleep that night.

I woke up at 10am, all fucked up. My everything hurt and Oli was nowhere to be seen; mom probably took him out for a walk. Dragging myself to the bathroom yet again I tried shutting out the depressing thoughts. After receiving Jack's text last night, I turned the phone off. I couldn't risk taking any more hits.
I threw myself on the bed and turned it back on. After a minute I saw I got a text and a missed call from dad; it said Happy new year, call me for lunch next week.
I also got a message from Jack's mom, wishing me a happy new year. Then she called me 10 times. I also got a missed call from some unidentified number.

I decided to call Jack's mom first but her line was busy so I called the other number.

"SFU hospital, how can I help you?" A woman answered. A hospital? What the hell?

"Y-yes, I received a call from you a few hours ago..." I said.

"Oh, yes. You're the emergency contact for Mr. Jack Barakat, is that correct?" Oh no, please don't let there be anything wrong with him. "Sir?"

I snapped out. "Yes, yes, that's correct. Is he okay?"
My vision started getting blurry and chills were going down my spine.

"He's stable, yes. Are you a relative? He's been asking for you." She replied. I gulped and wiped the sweat off my face.

"No, uhm, we're together. I'm his boyfriend." I explained.

"Oh, alright. Well, you can visit him if you want, he'll be staying here for two more days on observation." She said. "Visiting hours are from 4 to 8."

"Thank you, may I ask what happened?" I was terrified, more than I've been in my entire life. Here I was, selfish and crying and Jack's been in a hospital.

"Yes, he overdosed on sleeping pills." She told me. Jesus, what the hell is going on?

"Oh my god. Okay, thank you for the information, I'll come down as soon as possible." I said.

"Okay, bye." She said and I hung up.

I stormed down the stairs and saw mom sitting on the couch. "Mom, you have to drive me to the SFU hospital right away, Jack is in there."

She flinched. "Oh my god, is he okay?"

"They say he's stable. Please mom, I have to see him," I begged.

"Yes, of course, get your stuff, I'll get the car running." She grabbed the keys and ran out to the car. I only went back to my room for my hoodie and my cell. I needed to see Jack.

🌹

"How much longer until we get there?" I was anxious. I couldn't help but feel like it's my fault. If I didn't leave him alone, he wouldn't be in this situation.

"Not long, 15 minutes top." She said.

"God, this is all my fault. I should've talked him into coming home with me. I'm so useless!" I huffed.

"Alex, please, no time for this nonsense now. Jack needs you." She reminded me. I stopped talking for a while there.
"Should I come with you?"

"Yeah, please." I replied, patiently waiting to arrive.

I jumped out of a car and hurried inside, mom was right behind me.
I walked up to the main counter.

"Hi, which room for Jack Barakat?" I asked. A nice blonde woman smiled at me.

"Oh, you must be Mr. Gaskarth." I nodded. "We spoke over the phone."

"Oh, yes. Where is he?" I anxiously babbled. I just wanted to see him.

"Down that hall, to the left, room 25." She grinned.

"Thank you." I gave her a nod and ran in the direction she gave me. When I stepped in my heart shattered all over again. Jack was lying there, with an IV attached to him, covered up to his chest and sleeping. Instantly I broke down, taking a seat next to his bed and started crying. 

"There there honey, he'll be alright." Mom said. She put her palm on my shoulder.

"Jesus mom, please. Could you leave me alone with him for a minute?" I asked. I really didn't want to be rude or act out, but it hit me like a passing train and I needed to be alone with him.

"Sure, I'm gonna go talk to the nurse." She walked out. That was a great idea, I'd like to know what the hell went down last night.

Watching him lie there helplessly, I felt like my world is breaking down. I promised to be a good boyfriend, but I failed. And now I can't do anything to help him, I can do nothing but wait and be calm. But I was far from calm.

What the hell happened to you Jacky?