Sayu Yagami

Sayu is me...

"They say when a butterfly flaps its wings, a hurricane happens or something like that. Point is, one little change can create endless possibilities. I call bullshit on that. It didn't matter if I had my previous memories, in the end I knew my new life was still just entertainment for a bored Shinigami and that my family would eventually become pawns for my dear old brother in his ultimately failed cause to become God."

Life and Death.

So different yet so connected with the other, they cannot exist with the other, like the soon and moon. But that's just making it sound more romantic than it is, and trust Jeanie, she knows. From this point on we've probably made clear that Jeanie has more experience in death than most if not all.

And if you ask her what dying felt like, and if she felt like telling the truth (because she had become a great liar in her new life), she'd tell you that it's impossible to explain. You can't describe it, it's intense, beyond understanding and suffocating. She'd tell you that it felt like someone had poisoned her insides making them stop working properly, like her organs suddenly started failing her, like her heart couldn't keep up with the blood loss despite beating in a painfully fast pace and like your brain just couldn't get enough oxygen that your head felt like someone was using it as a drum. The people panicking around her only made it worse!

Then...when you're at that point when you think that death is mercy compared to the pain, that you didn't cling onto your life anymore...the pain suddenly became numb. And as sudden as it became numb everything went dark...

Where did she go after death?

She didn't know, of course there was a place, but not really a place, because it was nothing, just blank. Contrary to the popular belief, it wasn't soothing. It was downright annoying, being stuck in nothingness that is.

For the first few days she cursed everything. Her life, the unfairness of her life, whatever high and mighty being existed, she cursed everyone who has every wronged her and she cursed the whole world itself.

After releasing all of her pent-up anger, hate and frustration she cried. She didn't want to die, she didn't want to leave her behind, not her precious little sister. She cried out of regret of the things she did and didn't do. She mourned the loss of her life.

Then she mulled over her life, it wasn't happy, but it wasn't that bad either. She wasn't a saint, but she sure as hell wasn't a devil either. She mulled over every events she could remember, every memories she had intact, the good and bad. But beyond that she had nothing else to do.

She just thought. It was after all the only pass time she had...well, technically she didn't even have a concept of time, but still she had nothing to do. And it was so boring. A phone would have been nice, her phone to be specific. Maybe some wifi...was there even wifi after death? It was a funny question to her with a really obvious answer.

'Of course there wasn't any internet fuckin' idiot Jean.'

Eventually she accepted it. The idea of spending an eternity in nothingness, with no worries and no problems. No responsibilities, no rules, no people, no nothing. Just her and nothingness. A lovely pairing. If she had to say so herself, her and nothingness was now her OTP. Heh, or OFP if you will. One Forever Pairing had a nice ring to it, no? She was finally at peace, she had accepted her previous life and accepted her death with the little dignity she had left.