Red Rain [Jason Todd]

.70

A lot has changed over the pass two weeks. One, and the most obvious: me and my behavior. I dyed my hair dirty blonde because I felt it would boost my confidence which I realized I was losing from everything that happened to me. Next to talk about: my behavior. Old Brielle is back and is not leaving any time soon; I have a whole list of playtimes I've met, given my number to, and slept with just for fun. Just to get my mind off of this hole in my chest, or fill it up with temporary pleasure just for the night. I have a new car now: a white Jeep that I like to ride without the doors sometimes, you know...since my motorcycle was destroyed. I still work at the diners and as an assistant where I meet lots of hot men wanting and waiting to slip into bed with me: more playtime. My phone buzzes nonstop nowadays with their calls and texts, late night, early morning, and middle afternoon, with some from Isabella, Roy, and Dick. 

It always felt nice to see any missed calls or texts from Dick who went back to Blüdhaven because he was now off leave; however, I never answered them. Even when I could, I just...watched it go to voicemail or pressed the red button. Why? Because I'm a bad person and I don't deserve that feeling of light happiness when he comes to mind. 

That's what I've concluded these pass few days. 

I've been thinking on my past and I've realized all the bad things I have done. Mostly as Nightshade, but people I've used, hurt, killed, all the enemies I made mostly only for my own fortune. I deserved everything that's come back to me and I knew it was going to eventually happen; I knew it, felt it. There was no running away from karma. Deep down inside, there's a silent voice that whispers that it wished it didn't come back so hard though, making me lose so much so fast... 

I didn't deserve happiness and even though Jason did what he did, he didn't deserve someone like me anyway. Even though I hate him with almost all of me, he still deserved better. Everything he had done for me and the things I put him through, forced him through, making him relive hidden pain; he didn't deserve that. I just....bring pain upon people and I won't do that to anyone else I care about and love. I won't do that because I simply won't fall in love again. Or...care. 

"Brielle?" A familiar voice says and turn around while my hands stop making one of my customers' afternoon cocktail.

I meet the light blue eyes of my old friend Roy. Hatred instantly grows in my body while shock fills his eyes. "Wow. Your h-"

"What do you want?" I interrupt, paying attention to the noon drink, "I'm kind of busy."

"You've really been busy huh? Not answering anyone's calls. Me, Isabella-"

"You two happy together?" I ask carelessly, dropping an olive into the cocktail and picking it up. I turn to face him, "I figured you fucked her after the whole Poison Ivy thing, right?"

His expression is ridden with regret and guilt, but I only roll my eyes and laugh at him. I shake my head and walk away from him to go serve my table. When I return behind the bar, Roy is still sitting there with that damn expression on his face. He speaks up when I start making another drink, "Bee, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. Izzy's sorry too-"

"No need to be." I reply expressionlessly, "Everything's already over with. Nothing can change what happened." 

"This doesn't seem like you, Brielle-" 

My jaw clenches as I begin to get annoyed, feeling another Dick Chat  coming on. I slightly roll my neck while I interject his irrelevant preaching, "That's because you've never met the old me, Roy. And I'm warning you right now, she's not fucking nice. So please leave before I really hurt your feelings."

"Bee-"

"Roy." I glare and he senses that I'm serious and ready to flip my lid. He slides from his stool and turns to leave until I stop him with a low tone.