The Myth of Wile E

Saucer-Shaped UFO

 "Incoming!" I heard the mail carrier shout over the sound of the rain on the roof. Then—clonk!—the mail container bounced off the roof. Somehow she managed to hit it dead center, every single time.

I ran outside to pick up the muddy Tupperware container. It contained nothing but offers for various cell phone and satellite TV contracts, and five slick campaign mailers for some upcoming local election that was now probably not going to affect me. (All five candidates wanted me to know that their greatest joy in life—besides their smiling spouse and 2.5 perfect children and golden retriever—was to help the little guy.)

I wrote on the back side of one of the cell phone ads: "Could you please tell Bob (behind the Whiz-Thru), soon I'll have some doors for him if he wants them."

I stuck it in the Tupperware container, burped the lid, and flung the container up toward the road. "Outgoing!" I shouted. It wobbled through the air like a saucer-shaped UFO.

There was a thunk! as the Tupperware container bounced off either the bulldozer or the mail carrier's truck. A moment later I heard, "Got it!" And, "My four-year-old cousin can throw better than that!"

Then, "You want me to what? I'm not a message service!"

Then, after a moment, "Oh, fine! I'll tell him."