Infatuated With You (Guns N' Roses - Duff McKagan)

Chapter Sixty Four

"Shelia?" A voice spoke to me, trying to capture my attention from the phone that sat right in front of me. I was completely ignoring who was talking to me, simply because I knew who it was. It was Duff and this had been the first time he and I interacted in days, especially since the morning after I decided to wipe myself out. That morning, we had a huge fight and out Duff walked, leaving me with my head hanging over a bucket. What words he left me with? He told me that he hated me. If that wasn't a killer in a relationship, I didn't know what was.

"Shelia." Duff repeats. But I still didn't acknowledge he was even there. I didn't want to. I was mentally debating over whether I should book a flight home, just to escape this fucked tour and the one man I loved more than anything.

"Shelia!" A patch of peroxide blonde caught my eye as he obviously knelt down beside me, feeling his hand caress my cheek, I finally peel my eyes away from the phone and focus on his handsome face.

Duff's golden eyes absorbed my features and I found myself falling into a daze as I lost myself in his eyes. Somehow, despite how miserable and unhappy I was, I still found myself finding reasons as to why I loved this man, they were reminders. "What do you want?"

"I want you." Answered Duff, as straight to the point as possible.

"It's a bit late for that, don't you think?" I answered, breaking eye contact and staring back at the phone.

"It can't be too late, you are still here. Aren't you?" Duff tries to find a reason.

"Barely." Was the best I could come up with.

"That's better than not at all." Duff was trying to stay patient and calm, which I did appreciate, but I wasn't going to show that. He didn't deserve any of it, not even a smile from me. "I just wanted to take the time to say how sorry I am." Duff ran his fingers through my hair.

"Sorry? Here we go again, another not to believe." I forced out a sarcastic laugh.

"I know you don't believe me, but I don't know how else to say it for you to believe me." Duff's golden eyes traced over my face. "Everything I've said over the pass few months, fuck, the last two fucking years, I didn't mean. Any insult, hurtful comment, fight, none of them meant anything."

"They must have meant something, they came out of your mouth after all." I tried not to look at him, but I was finding it extremely difficult.

"I was a fucking cunt to you and there has been no reason for me to act that way. All I have done is dragged you through the dirt and you have no idea how much it hurts me just see how much I have hurt you." Duff's eyes began to tear up. "And I know how long you have been hanging on, because you love me. But I need you to just hang on for a little while longer." The tears slowly rolled down his cheeks as his voice broke.

Seeing him in tears like this, sober and with his voice breaking like it did, it hit me. I couldn't hide my own emotions and heartache, the tears dropped from my eyes like a torrential storm.

"I need you to just stand by me for a little bit longer and I promise I am going to make it up to you. I'll do whatever it takes, but you gotta stick by me, please?" Duff's hand traced down my face, hand and finally stopped on my hand, that's where he entwined his fingers with mine.

"How can I stand by a man who treats me like shit? I have been stupid enough to do it for this long?" I sobbed. "You tell me, Duff. How can I and why should I stand by a man who tells me he fucking hates me?"

"Shell, you are far from stupid." Duff gave my hand a squeeze. "And I don't know." He shook his head. "I don't hate you, Shelia. I could never hate you."

"Really? Cause that's not what you said to me." My voice quivered as I cried.

Duff bit his lip, trying to hold back his own cry. He was hurting and it was very strange to see him this way, especially since most of the time he would either shut down and get aggressive, so seeing him like this - vulnerable and heart broken, it was almost unfamiliar.

"I know what I said, babe. And I really didn't mean it, I was just angry and it was in the heat of the moment." Duff tried to justify himself.

"I've been angry, I have been hurt and not once have I ever said I hated you." I sobbed like crazy. "Because I couldn't ever tell the man that I love, I hated them. Even if I have every reason to."

"I know." Duff looked down at our hands. "But just believe me, I don't hate you. I fucking love you and this is why it hurts so fucking bad to be stuck in this limbo." His teary eyes flickered back up to meet mine.

"I am really struggling to believe anything you say." I shook my head.

"I know babe. But here, look at this." Duff pointed to the very first ring he bought me. The one he bought for my birthday, just before we left for a holiday to Australia. "That ring says: Today-Tomorrow-Always: I love you, Duff. And it's true, I wouldn't have bought you that ring and got that engraved if I didn't mean it." He ran his thumb over the blue round gem in the ring. "And look at this." He points to my engagement ring. "I would have never asked you to marry me if I didn't fucking mean it, but I still did it, even if I was the fucking idiot who ruined the surprise by knocking it out of my pocket." He let out a small laugh, to which I couldn't not join him with. "What I'm trying to get at is, baby, I have made a huge mistake by mistreating you for all this time. And I don't want us to continue on this path of destruction. So that's why I want you to hold on for a little while longer. Because I fucking love you and I can't lose you." He sniffles.

"I'm trying Duff, but I don't know how much longer I'll last." I cry. "I mean, I've been staring at this fucking phone, fighting the urge to book a ticket home." I explain.

"I know Shell." He nodded. "But please just give me some more time? You probably have already fallen out of love with me, but I still love you just as much as I did when I proposed, if not, fucking more. You are the love of my life, please don't go." He pleads in desperation.

"That's the issue, I haven't stopped loving you." I exclaimed.

"I really don't deserve you, but I want you. I want to marry you, I want us to live happily ever after." He continues talking. "I'm not giving up on us, so please don't give up on me."

"This is your last shot." I warn. "Fuck me over, speak to me wrong or start something and that's it."

Duff let out a relieved sigh and nodded his head.

"Thank you babe." He lets go of my hands and pulls me into a tight hug. "You wanna come spend some quality time with your husband-to-be?" Duff murmured in my ear.

Not answering Duff, I faintly nodded my head and got out of the seat by the help of Duff. Hand in hand, Duff and I walked over to our bed and laid down. Laying on my side facing Duff, I watched as he reached forward and caressed my cheek. His golden eyes scoped my entire face before they flickered between my blue eyes and lips. Duff slowly brought his face closer to mine and in a matter of seconds, he kissed me. Everything started off slow and sweet, but over time grew deeper and passionate. He hadn't kissed me like this in what felt like months, he hadn't even held me the way he did, not even when we had the three week stint of things being okay. This was a whole new level. This was Duff before he turned into the cruel piece of shit, this man right now, he I recognised. He was my fiancé, the man I was hopelessly in love with.

Duff retracts his lips from mine and he stared at me lovingly. "I know this is probably the last thing you want to do with me, but do you want to make love to your fiancé?" Duff asks.

I stared at him for what felt like an eternity before I gave in and agreed. I loved this man and I wanted to spend any little time we had together, even if that meant he was inside me. I wanted him, I wanted to feel the love, to feel everything. I wanted my man.

Duff didn't waste any time in stripping the both of us down, he was very thorough with everything he did from there. He caressed my entire body with his hands, he kissed me from the mouth down and he made sure that I was itching for him to be inside of me before he made his move. From the time that he entered me, he kept his thrusts at a slow and steady pace. I was barely able to keep myself together, my toes were curling in pleasure and I was scratching my nails down his back. It was only up until the end that Duff changed pace, we were at our climax and Duff was struggling to thrust any faster, it was all too much for the both of us. Yet it was somehow perfect. After finishing our love making, Duff held me protectively in his arms and whispered one little sentence. "I love you, forever and ever babe."