What If

Chapter Twenty-Three:

Katniss

I awoke suddenly to the sharp cry of a baby. I rubbed my eyes and scanned the room before finally seeing Camellia, wailing her tiny head off.

My mother smiled warmly at me as she rushed over to Camellia. I'd assumed that she would leave us to go fulfill her hospital duties, but she stayed by us the entire night.

My mother then shushed Camellia and carried her over to me. I accepted her without a word and held her in my arms. I examined her clearly for the first time since labor.

She was tiny, that detail I had remembered. She had a small covering of my dark hair over her head. She clearly had my nose, which Prim shared with me, as well. Her face shape resembled mine, too, but she clearly had Peeta's lips and eyes. Whenever she opened her eyes I couldn't help but gasp at how closely they resembled Peeta's.

The next few days went by in a blur. I didn't have many visitors as my mother had been shooing them off so I could not get too overwhelmed, in her words.

After about a week my doctor informed me I was now healed and ready to move back to my compartment, which was ready for Camellia due to Prim.

"Thank you," I told Prim as she helped me and Camellia get ready. "I heard you got her a crib."

Prim smiled. "Well—there aren't many babies here in Thirteen, so people were very excited and willing to donate."

I pulled Prim into a hug before allowing her to help me to my compartment. I'd been given a new compartment to accommodate Camellia, but it was identical to my old one and right next to it so I could still keep an eye on Johanna, who's condition had improved since training I was told.

Prim opened the door to my new compartment, causing me to gasp. She'd not only found a crib but also bedding and even toys. After setting Camellia down I pulled Prim into another hug.

"This compartment has its own bathroom and miniature kitchen as well," Prim informed me.

I frowned. "Why?"

Prim laughed. "So you can feed Camellia."

"She can't eat in the dining hall?"

Prim spent the next hour explaining everything in my new compartment to me, making me feel like a worse mother as the minutes passed.

"I have to go now, but mom and I are just across the hall, alright?" Prim asked.

I pulled her into yet another hug, not wanting to let go. "Don't leave me..."

Prim shook her head. "I'm not, okay? I just have to go work at the hospital, I'll be back by night. You've got this, Katniss. Besides, Camellia is sleeping right now."

I reluctantly allowed Prim to leave and wondered how a fourteen year old knew more about parenting than me, an actual parent.

I sat down in front of Camellia's crib and watched her sleep. I tried my best to memorize her features. I watched her slowly intake breath and she even smiled in her sleep.

I'd been so busy the past week I hand't had the time to become upset over Peeta, and all of the emotions hit me suddenly.

He wasn't here, he didn't know about Camellia, and he'd most likely never get to know her. He was strapped down somewhere in the hospital spewing vile things about me, he was nowhere fit to be a father to Camellia. Sure, I wasn't fit to be the best mother for her, either, but I had to.