worst in me | joe keery (1)

41 : leave and relapse

Valoria rung the doorbell with shaky hands, running her fingers through her hairsprayed, messy hair as she awaited a response.

A few moments later, the door opened slightly, Joe's body peeking through the small opening. "I told you not to come."

"I know," Val sighed, instantly filling with sadness at Joe's harsh, put off tone. "But I wanted to at least give you something. I came here as soon as I could."

Joe assessed the brunette for a moment, his eyes gazing over her figure, clad in Seelie Queen makeup and faded body paint, and her usual outfits: an oversized shirt and shorts. With a small huff, he opened the door enough for her to enter.

Once they both stood in the bedroom, Joe crossed his arms over his chest. "Well?"

Val fidgited with her fingers, a breath escaping between her lips. "I don't know why I'm always hiding everything."

"That's really helpful, Val."

"Just hear me out." She took a small step forward, lessening the space between Joe and her. Joe didn't react, though, and Valoria decided to continue.

"One of the reasons is because I never had a constant. I never had someone say they would always be there, except for Gio, and well, we all saw how that ended. I'm terrified of commitment, I have terrible abandonment issues. I'm terrified of getting too close because I can't seem to put my trust in anyone."

Joe shook his head slightly, remaining silent for a moment. Valoria didn't know what to take the silence as, standing silent as she waited for the boy.

"That's it?" He said after a moment, and Valoria looked up at him with furrowed brows. "What do you mean?"

"You really don't want to explain anything to me? Why you're crying alone, how you keep disabling comments and avoiding social media, how you told Finn how exausted you are, you're not gonna explain any of that?" Joe said with a small scoff, looking at the brunette.

"I don't want to get into that now, its too much to explain." Valoria said in response, her tone coming out quiet.

Joe shook his head slightly, letting out a small sigh. "Can you leave?"

Valoria bit down on her bottom lip, feeling the tears rise in her throat. She stared at Joe with a defeated expression, "Joe, please-"

"Val, stop. Please. I'm so sick of this, and I don't want to fight. I just want to be alone for a bit."

"You're not hearing me out though-"

"I heard enough, Val!" Joe exclaimed, tossing his hands up in defeat. "I've told you so much, and I know you've also told me so much. But this is a relationship, Val. This is where two people should be transparent, where two people should be able to tell the other everything. I want to know why you're hurting, I want to know it all because I just want to fucking help."

Valoria blinked, her hand moving to immediately wipe away the stray, traitor tear that slipped down her cheek. "I don't think I can open up as much as you want me to."

"Then that settles it, doesn't it?" Joe replied, his voice wavering. "If you can't open up, I can't do this."

"But Joe I-"

"Please leave." He cut her off, turning his back to her and closing the conversation.

Valoria stared at his back for a moment, then complied to his wishes. She left with tears in her eyes, her anxiety and her sobs rising in her chest. She pushed it all away though, getting in her car and driving off. She didn't know where she was going, but all she knew was that she couldn't go home. Instead, Valoria pulled up to a hotel, booking a room and taking with her the small bag of clothes she kept with her for night shoots.

Once she arrived in her room, she buried her head in the white pillows on the bed, destroying them with tear stains and runny mascara. Valoria sat like that for a long while, sobbing into her pillow messily till her phone rang. She could see it was Natalia, however she chose to ignore it.

In that moment, all Valoria wanted was to be alone. She had stopped crying, reducing herself to nothing but dry sobs and shaky breathes. She lost one of the few things going right in her life due to a fucked up mentality she developed from a young age.

She let out a noise of frustration when her phone kept going off with texts, causing the brunette to pick up her phone and shut it off. From the lockscreen, she saw a list of missed calls from Natalia, Finn, and her mother, but Valoria really could care less what anyone thought in that moment. She knew all people thought of her was that she was an unstable mess, constantly shifting moods and constantly on the edge.

The brunette let out a bitter laugh to herself as she wandered to the bathroom, washing her face in hopes for some clarity. Once she knew she wouldn't burst into tears, Valoria escaped the bathroom and began wandering the suite. She had initally requested a single bedroom, however the hotel was already booked. As a result, Valoria ended up in a massive suite.

She let out a hesitant breath once she reached the kitchen, discovering a bar that contained two bottles of wine, a bottle of vodka, and smaller bottles of whiskey. Valoria had no clue what the receptionist was asking her when she had ordered the room, but she had remembered them asking for an ID and the reason for the request settled in Valoria's chest as she picked up one of the bottles of wine.

She stared at it for a moment before popping it open, drinking straight from the mouth and ignoring all the cups on display. "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, huh?" She mumbled bitterly, taking another large swig as she curled up onto one of the sofas and allowing her emotions to overwhelm her.

This time though, her loud cries were joined with two bottles of liquor that she knew she should have stayed away from.