Remind Me Why I Love You

NINETEEN

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Group: ✨Ally✨, ✨Mila✨

✨Ally✨
~Hey camila 😊

✨Mila✨
~hey? What's up allllly

✨Ally✨
~I just wanted to check up on you!
~its hard to talk in a group chat with everyone being assholes
~And Lauren told me everything
~So, I wanted to talk to you if you want to as well😚

✨Mila✨
~Aw thank you for caring
~well there is a lot to say...
~but I don't exactly know how to say anything about any of those things
~sorry xx but thank you once again

✨Ally✨
~I understand! Good luck then and have a nice day 💩💩💩

-

Ally actually cared.

I stared at my phone, resting on the kitchen table since I was home alone again. My dad seemed more and more distant, and I used to think that was impossible.

I stared at that glowy screen looking at the messages me and my father sent eachoter two years ago...

A month before mom left.

-

Mister Dad
~Milly don't get lost or run away with any boys please 👹

Camila
~dad please don't use emojis im not okay
~and dont worry geez
~im gonna be fine!! Im just going to library on my own for the first time

Mister Dad
~❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Camila
~DAD

Mister Dad
~what do you want to eat when you get back miss daughter

Camila
~well mister dad I would love some nutella and bread? Pleaseee

Mister Dad
~only if mom says yes👹😘🔥🌸💩

Camila
~daaaaad
~thank you! And sorry if she yells at you

Mister Dad
~ai ai ai bambino

Camila
~sorry i dont speak german

Mister Dad
~o
~nutella is ready mom said yes ❤💩🌸🌻

Camila
~danke mister dad

-

Great... Just what I needed to help my already bad mood.

Speak of the devil, my dad came in after a quick second of unlocking the door. I looked at him to observe the person I miss, but that was just the outside.

The inside of this man was well changed. It wasn't my dad. This body was an empty shell the animal already left and all that you got now is a reminder of what you lost.

Or... Something like that.

He noticed I was staring at him while he took off his jacket and hat, making me look down at my phone and ignore him.

He lost that childish naive look of being a young fun dad. I don't know him anymore. And truly, I never did.

---
Group: Lauren J, Camila:)

Lauren J
~just woke tf up wassap

Camila:)
~Im surprisingly not in my room
~and that sould be changed
~wait

~Okay im in my room now

Lauren J
~what are you wearing 😉😘

Camila
~my stained white tee and male underwear 😣😍👌👌👏💦💦💦💦💦

Lauren J
~niceee
~okay this is weird but
~We need to get used to it

Camila:)
~when are you two coming back?

Lauren J
~idk ally changed the date again 😑 but i think its gonna be soon!
~how are you doin

Camila:)
~okay?
~honestly
~lana?
~Okay i feel better when you're lana and not lauren

Lauren J
~me too tbh
~you know what
~Lets have alter egos when we talk about emotions and feelings

Camila:)
~wait
~thats a great idea
~Lets do it and have a dang good therapy session

Lauren J
~you know we could use that
~GREAT
~then its a plan 💩

Camila:)
~theres a lot to talk about you know
~sorry for pushing you into it...
~but get ready? Okay lets do that in the future

---

And again, I put my phone down, laying on my already dirty bed in a room I couldn't be bothered to open the window and let sun or air in.

What did I just get myself into? I'm gonna see this girl face to face, and it's not like she's that same online diary now. This was bad. And I hated it.

And... I was feeling shitty.

A lot of feelings attacked my brain is such a short time that it couldn't handle anything anymore. It was the summer. I was free. But my head had trapped me.

I heard a light knock on my door that made me snap out of my little pity party.

The door opened and a heavy figure came in, I couldn't bother look, since I knew it was just my dad checking if I'm in the house.

Clearly, I should have looked around, since my room was a mess like it can only be in certain moments.

"Camila..." his deep emotionless voice started. "Did it get bad again?"

My head has finally decided to look his way. Both of our faces were the same. Not because we do look alike quite a lot, it was because they were both drained.

The big figure sat next to me and the bed roared. He echoed a big sigh and collided his hands.

"Camila, when your mother left, you closed yourself in this exact room and didn't leave for two months." the naturally loud voice paused. It was as if it was hard to speak for him. Like his throat was in pain but he was too scared to show it. And that hurt me to think about.

"I can't go through that again." he continued. "But you keep doing it. Even if you don't lock yourself in anymore, I can see it on you. The pain. And you know, that's not easy for me."

I got up and sat next to him. But still keeping a big distance between us.

"Milly..." his voice almost broke. Tears were at the back of my head, putting my insides in too much pain. I don't want to have this talk...

"Fix yourself."

.

.

.

Everything went blank. But at the same time I listened to the dim words repeating themselves in my head. I just sat there, my mouth slightly opened, but I sucked in my lips and bit my lower one to stop my throat from feeling like I'm screaming... But no sounds came out. It felt torterous. And it felt true...

He soon left. Saying some more things I couldn't hear. It was like he said all that because he just hates me so much, but the conversation felt unfinished as well.

Fix yourself... Huh?