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SHOULD SHE HAD AGGRED to all this? Definitely not. Especially if she had told herself she wouldn't be letting James back into her life. James had shown up to her work many times this month, not giving up on the chance of them being to talk- and hopefully sort out things between them. She eventually got tired and somewhat annoyed of him begging, so she had decided to listen to whatever he had to really say. Even though she had found the constant begging annoying, she still felt her heart melt at how he wouldn't give up on what he still believed still existed between them.
Natalia's mind began to drift off to other things, to the things that could possibly occur tonight when he came so they would talk. James was extremely hopeful that he could fix everything between them.
"Why am I so stupid," she mumbled, as she unlocked her door and entered her warm and cozy apartment. She felt stupid at feeling so 'weak minded' or just not being able to say no to James anymore. Maybe he did deserve another chance to try and fix things.
But it was so hard for her to give him another opportunity, another opportunity that he can mess up with and break her heart once again.
Natalia couldn't help but want to return to him at times but other times she told herself that she was just crazy to get back with him, to back with the person who had made her stop believing and trusting people.
Was she crazy for all this? Maybe, maybe not.
She was telling herself only a few days ago that she wouldn't let him in ever, but here she was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling as she knew James would be knocking on her door. Natalia wanted to not give into him so easily, to stop falling for him so easily, but she couldn't. It was something she just couldn't do.
"I really am dumb for this," she rubbed her hand across her face and sighed loudly, as if someone could hear her and tell her what to do at the moment. As naive as she was. Natalia's mind told herself she wanted nothing to do with him, but her heart said otherwise.
Follow what you think is right.
She didn't know what was right at the moment. Either decision she took, could end up horribly. She still wanted to be with James. She had just forced herself into a world where she was by herself, and she believed everyone would hurt her. James didn't blame her for thinking that way, and for not wanting to do anything with him. He had affected and hurt her badly because, James was her first love and no one is as important and special as your first love- they mean the most to you.
You most likely make decisions in your love life based off of previous experiences and mistakes you've made with them. And it's up to you, to either learn from the mistakes and move on, or sometimes you just continue to keep hurting yourself.
James had always been such an important person to her, and having to forget him like he had never existed took a big turn on her life. Natalia didn't have her best friend and the person she loved the most in her life anymore. She felt so out of place without James that everything didn't seem right anymore.
Overtime, she had gotten used to feeling that way. Her life was something that was always put together, she usually knew what she wanted but, when it came to all this- to James, she never knew anything.
James deserved another chance. She told herself. A chance to what? Break your heart again?
She felt herself think about the same thing over and over all the time. Was James her James anymore? Had living in Germany changed him? Who knew. But she still hoped that James was still the same.
Natalia's thoughts were interrupted when she heard soft knocking at the door. Her feet padded against the carpet that covered the entire floor of her apartment, and made her way to the door.
She composed herself and took a few deep breaths, only to make sure she was okay- but she wasn't okay. Natalia would be talking to him after two years. Their first time encounter hadn't necessarily counted since they were forced too- this time they would actually sit down and listen to one another.
"Hi," he smiled, a shy smile that could only mean that he was extremely nervous.
"Hello, James," she greeted back and held her door wide open for him to enter.
James nodded and walked in to the neatly and beautifully decorated apartment that he knew she had probably spent hours devoted into decorating it until it was perfect for her.
"Uh, I brought you these just because why not," he smiled once again as he handed her the red roses, that he had learned when they were young that she loved so much. This time the reason behind his smile wasn't because he was nervous and didn't want to seem like it, it was because, she still had pictures of them. The picture that had caught his eye especially was the one of them during his presentation for Real Madrid.
"Time flies doesn't it. It feels like it was yesterday that we flew in from Monaco to Madrid for my presentation," James stated, as he looked down at the picture in a gray frame.
"It feels like that doesn't it..." she trailed off, but then walked away to take a seat on her couch where she waited for James to join.
James quickly walked she to where she was and sat. A quiet, but not awkward silence fell upon them. Natalia could feel his intense stare on her which she didn't like so much. "So what did you want to talk about..."
"Look Natalia, I want to start off with how much I'm really sorry. I am sincerely so sorry for what happened. And I know sorry doesn't cut it, saying sorry doesn't fix anything I ever did to hurt you," he began. "I never wanted to hurt you, and hurting you was the last thing I ever intended doing."
"Everything doesn't have to go back to being the same as it was when we lived in Colombia or like it was before leaving Real Madrid. But all I want is to have you in my life. I want to make up for everything I've done. I want to start over..."
Natalia slowly nodded, somewhat feeling that they should 'start over' again.
Was starting all over again what she really needed?
"I'm James," he said, almost as if he was asking a question.
Natalia stayed quiet for a bit. Until a laugh escaped from her lips, remembering that James had introduced himself for the first time that way. "I'm Natalia," she responded, with a smile on her face.
Everything seemed just perfect about it all, the way James just looked at her, made her heart melt. All she could think about was the first time they had really met, in Colombia, in the year of 2006.
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