Beyond my Beating Heart

Chapter fifteen: hello again

Play Hello by Adele (Christina Grimmie cover) for this chapter :)))

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I sit up straight and alert, staring at the doorway and at the all too familiar silhouette facing me. The memories hit me like a bullet shot into my fragile and messed up mind, all the laughs and smiles that we had once shared, the love and support we once had for each other. They all seem like they were millions of years ago.

The pain in my head is only getting worse as the deep blue eyes puncture a wound into my petrified heart. A weak smile emits from a face that looks the same, yet totally different than from the last time I saw it. Slight wrinkles faintly show on the sides of deep blue pigmented eyes. Aged eleven years.

My jaw nearly drops to the ground at the sight of a lost soul, with fear written all over the trembling body.

"Jun-Juniper." A strained voice projects from the mouth in front of me.

At this, my nurse leaves the room, knowing that there is privacy needed in this situation of pure, raw emotion.

"I'll leave you two alone, just come get me if you need anything." She says with a sweet smile.

As soon as she closes the door on her way out, I burst into an uncontrollable flood of tears.

I see silent tears stream down the face that looks at mine.

"I'm sorry. I know-I know it's a bit late for this huh?" My father says softly before breathing in a shaky breath.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask, my voice coming out as only a trembled squeak.

"I heard about what happened, and since your mother did not show up, the hospital called me, and I flew here as soon as I heard."

We sit in an agonizing bout of screaming silence, the air thick and my breathing slowing, coming out as long pants of desperation. His somber eyes looked at me and looked away, with guild, shame, and odd confusion, and I wonder why, why is he so perplexed? What reaction did he expect? For me to jump into his arms and cling to him like a lost puppy would to its relieved owner? I finally speak up after what seems like four long hours, but was probably only ten or fifteen seconds.

"Why?" I start with my voice breaking and croaking, "I am sitting in a hospital room, after trying to end my own fucking life and you come back after leaving me and my devil's spawn of a mother for drugs? Is that all perfectly okay and dandy in our head?! Maybe thing about what might happen, I am not and idiot, I have been through hell and back because you left for no reason!"

Now it is his turn to be bewildered, the look of confusion on his face only grew stronger, and I cold almost hear the gears in his mind cranking. He opens his mouth and closes it, trying to think of the right words to say, but failing as another spurt of silence is emitted from the man who single handedly is most responsible for ruining my life.

"Where did you hear that, Juniper?  What on earth are you talking about?" He says with an expression of hurt, betrayal, and curiosity.

"What are you even-" I start, before a knock hits the door and my nurse walks in sheepishly.

"Hey, I'm very, very sorry sir, our visiting hours are up, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. If you'd like, you can always visit tomorrow, once again, I truly am sorry, but I don't make the rules." She says with a soft and caring smile, pretty generic if you ask me.

With that, he looks at me with longing eyes and slowly heads out of my room and into the dimly lit hallway, and leaving me with only the nurse and the smell of sterile air and maybe a trillion burning questions swimming freely in my mind, making me tremble and hold back tears faking sleep, trying not to cry as the nurse left and gently shut the heavy door behind her.