Beyond my Beating Heart

Chapter Twenty Five: California Confessions

Play Boys Don't Cry by Plumb for this chapter!

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My father looks horrified, I can make out his blurry figure even through all these tears, and he looks like he just saw a ghost. The gravity of the situation has finally slapped him clear across the face, and he rushes closer to Jett and me.

"June, I'm so sorry, I-I had no idea this was how you actually felt... it was so different in the hospital. I didn't think he was telling the truth, I'm on your side and I messed up. I'm so sorry, but please just calm down. We can go inside and get some tea, or coffee... or water. Whatever you like, and then we can really talk this all out, is that reasonable?"

I only lightly nod, and let Jett help me move.

Somehow, by some miracle, all three of us ended up in the living room of my father's house, me still softly sniffling with a splotchy face and red, puffy eyes. Jett's arm is wrapped protectively around my shoulder. My dad looks at me from across the other side of the large couch with the same young girl as earlier, who looks like a mixture of concern and curiosity.

"Dad... we need to talk, I can't put this off. I want to do this right now. And then we'll get out of your hair." I say as sternly as I can, but failing as my shaky voice breaks through.

My father looks up at me shamefully before responding, "Of course, I'll answer anything. I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I didn't know this would come as such a big shock to you, and I apologize for that."

I inhale deeply before beginning, "I just to know who is in your new family. Everyone."

I make sure my voice isn't as empathetic as I normally sound, because I don't want any beating around the bush, I want the facts, out and cold.

"Well, I have a wife, Cynthia, and one daughter... Elizabeth here," he says, before pausing to look at his daughter, "Lizzy, can you say hi to Juniper?"

"June's fine-" I begin before getting cut off by a toothy grin and childish voice.

"Hi Juniper!" Elizabeth says excitedly, holding out her small hand so I can shake it. My heart beams at the gesture and I practically engulf her tiny fingers in my own. The corners of my mouth are almost forced to raise in a small smile.

I crouch down just a bit more so that I can be head level with the little girl before talking again, "How old are you, Elizabeth?"

"Six!" Lizzy exclaims before running off into another room.

I look up at my father, rather painfully, and give a weak smile before speaking again, "I-you... you did good on that one, Dad. She's beautiful."

"Thank you, June, really. You know, when I told her we had company coming over, she could hardly wait to meet you."

"Does she know?" asks Jett, quickly after my father finishes talking.

A puzzled look sweeps over my dad's face before Jett clarifies, "I mean, does she know that June's her half-sister?"

"No. She's too young to understand these things. If I tried to explain it to her, she'd just get confused, and I'd rather not have to explain all this to her at this age. But when the time comes, and it's okay with you, we can have this discussion."

I nod and try to speak without my voice breaking, "I get it. Now, would you be able to tell me about your new wife... Cynthia was it?"

"Of course. She's really amazing actually. I'm lucky to have her and I think the two of you would really get along. She's funny, energetic, and above all, she's the best mom to our Lizzie, they are so close and she always finds time for her family, even though she works more than I do."

The inner corners of my eyes begin to burn, and not a second later, I feel scalding hot tears gliding down my cheeks. He's happy. His little girl has the life I've longed for my whole adolescence. She's six years old. The exact same age as I was when my father left and my mother fell into the pit of alcoholism. But instead of that, she has a family who spends time with her. A family that the last thing they think about is abandoning her. She has a family who loves her.

I want to tell my dad exactly how I feel, how excruciating my pain is right now, but when I open my mouth, all that comes out is a weak, "Oh."

"I wish you could meet her, but she'll be at work for a few more hours... unless you want to stay longer." My dad says as though he didn't notice me silently breaking down in front of him.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," I choke, "but I do have something to ask."

"Go ahead."

"Can you do something for me... Dad?"

"Anything."

"Promise... promise me one thing. Promise that you will never leave Lizzy. Under any circumstance. She's a beautiful and bright young girl, and she deserves the world. She deserves the childhood I never had. Promise me that you will stay by her side through every hardship she goes through. Promise that you'll tuck her in every night before bed, and give her a hug before she walks out the door for school. Giver her love, play with her, let her know that she's never alone. Make her feel like a little princess so she knows how people should treat her. Love her more than anything else. Because she's too young to have her heart broken."

He sits stiff and broken, a porcelain doll sitting in the windowsill. The only thing keeping him human looking are the tears streaming down his face and the glimmer of every possible emotion in his eyes.

He abruptly stands up and grabs my hands, pulling me to my feet as well. My father looks in my eyes for a split second before engulfing me in a bittersweet embrace. I feel myself begin to cry as well now, slowly letting myself be just a bit vulnerable. My body slowly begins to shake as sobs wrack through every vein I have.

It's at this moment realize that just as it hurts to get your heart ripped open, it sometimes hurts to have it patched up and stitched back together as well.

Before he pulls away, I hear my father whisper into my ear two simple words. Words that finally bring me the closure I need to move on from this mess, to finally step away from this constant problem, and focus on how clear my vision is once again. He assures me with only a couple words that I will be okay, and that I don't need to worry anymore.

"I promise."

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WHOOP WHOOP!

Another chapter (oh yeahhhhh)

Sorry it's been so long, but I have the next chapter almost completed and I'll try to post it either tomorrow or Saturday, but no promises

Oh! And this chapter was SUPER hard for me to write, June's promise monologue was big sad. So let me know your thoughts. What do you think will happen next chapter?

And this book has gained some new readers since I've last updated, so WELCOME TO THE FAMILY YOU GUYS!!

One last thing, are y'all ready for some serious Jettiper fluff next chapter?

Love you always,
Allie

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