Beyond my Beating Heart

Chapter twenty: the "L" word

Play Everything by Karmin for this chapter!

***

"Have you tried to get aquatinted with his friends?" Dr. Altan asks.

"Well, I haven't had much of a chance, but the girl, Zoe seems nice."

"I think it would be good for you to expand your social horizons. Have you thought about joining any extracurriculars?"

I sit on the couch across from Dr. Altan at my second therapy appointment, talking about making more friends. And to be honest, it's exciting, I want another girl to talk to. Jett's amazing, but I need another girl in my life. I don't even have my mother. And after the loss of Lauren and Annabelle, I've been deprived ever since.

I think getting to know Zoe better, if she'll let me, would immensely help mend my broken bond with girls and women. And of course, having more friends would be a huge plus.

The boys, Julian, Cooper, and Lucas, also sound really cool. Getting to know them would be another huge bonus. The mere thought of having a loyal, solid friend group makes me grin like a nerd.

Dr. Altan gives me a warm, happy look, "I like the smile, what's it for?"

"Just thinking about having a good friend group. It makes me happy." I admit bashfully.

"I'm so glad we're making progress! Oh, and I need to ask, you mentioned a camping trip, how was it?" Dr. Altan questions.

"Amazing, we went to this beach and just set up camp in the van. It was the happiest I've been in a long time. I don't know what I'd do without Jett."

"That's amazing. I'm glad you found someone that makes you happy. He sounds like a perfect boyfriend for you honey!"

My cheeks turn a shade of bright red. Is he my boyfriend? I continue to grin like an idiot, thinking about just how far we've come over the past month. God I love him.

Wait.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Nonononono.

Abort mission.

Shit.

"You okay June?" Dr. Altan says with a cautious caring look on her face.

"Yeah, I just... thought of something."

"Do you mind telling me what it is?"

I sit there for a minute, then respond, "We haven't been together that long, and I think I love him."

"Honey, that's perfectly fine. You can't control your feelings. And it sounds like you were good friends before hand as well. Can I tell you a personal story that'll hopefully make you feel a bit more at ease?"

I nod my head, I'll need some optimism.

"My husband and I knew each other in high school as well, we were best friends from freshman year to the middle of senior year. I had always thought that you had to wait until you were deep into the relationship to 'fall in love' so to speak.

I knew I loved him when we first got together, because we'd developed mutual feelings throughout the friendship. But I never said anything. I thought there were rules in relationships. That you had to say this, do this, think this at certain times.

After a few months, I'd realized that those rules I thought were in place, weren't. See June, you don't need to feel anything at a certain time. It doesn't matter what you think the rules are. They aren't there. It's about what you feel. And only that. It's a lot more simple than we think. Was that at all helpful?" She finishes, Patting my knee.