Bitter Sweet; Janiel Fanfiction

Ch. 3

(I usually write in joeys POV I'm sOrry)

Joeys POV

He starts asking me random questions about myself, I stumble over my own words at the pace that he is going. Asking me my name, favorite color, favorite food and stuff like that.

I just stare blankly at the wall when he asks, "ever been in love?" I just sigh out and shake my head, me not knowing what love is or how it feels to be loved.

"Can we just start on the project, I hate being distracted..." I say, fiddling with my thumbs as I look down at my lap. I hear him pick back up his laptop and starting to type.

After about an hour of working, nothing off topic, I start hearing blossom giggle from the other room. I just roll my eyes and set down my laptop, rolling back up the blank poster board.

"Do you want to keep the notes or...?" I ask him, getting up from my bed and stretching out my back. "I'll keep mine and you should keep yours..." he mumbles back before picking up his book bag.

"I'll be back on Saturday to work, don't make any plans" he says, slinging his book bag back over his shoulder and walking out of my room.

Doesn't he understand I don't have any friends? Or does he think I'm lying? Honestly I couldn't care either way.

I get my cigarettes out of my dresser and slide them into my hoodie pocket. I walk down the stairs to see that Daniel has already left, my dad sleeping on the couch.

The sun is setting and the stars are peeking through the fade of a pale blue and indigo. I throw my hood over my head and walk out of the door, closing it gently behind me.

I stick my hands in my pockets and start walking down the side walk to the local park. It's usually where I go to think, knowing me if I think at my house I'll start up my "bad" habits.

I walk down the brick path to the park benches on the hill. I pick the one near the end, away from the children who are refusing to leave.

I see one kicking and screaming because he lost his favorite ball. I look around and see a blue ball with a red star in the center.

I hide my cigarettes again and pick up the ball. I walk down to the little boys parents, "Hey, is this your little kid's ball?" I ask politely.

"Yeah thank you..." the father says and rips it out of my hand. I just sigh greatly and start walking back over to the bench.

I don't care anymore, I try to be nice and everyone is so fucking rude I can't. I shakily sit down on the bench and light a cigarette, immediately taking a puff.

I blow it into the crisp, chilly air before inhaling another puff.

What's wrong with me? Why don't I fit in with everyone like my brother? Why can't I be normal? I let my thoughts over power my mind as I keep inhaling the toxins.

"Fuck" I say as I exhale the smoke, memories flooding into my head, drowning me.

My mom left us at the age of five, my dad blames it on me. At the age of 7 I started getting bullied. At the age of twelve my brother told the whole middle school that I had lice, no one would talk to me. At the age of 14 I came out as gay, my brother didn't care but my dad yelled at me. At the age of 15 I started cutting, I stopped. At the age of 16, this year, I developed depression, anxiety, and I started smoking.

My voice has changed, my teeth are getting stained, my lungs are getting worse... I already have asthma, this smoking isn't helping it at all.

I'm sorry I'm a fuck up... I just think to myself. But then someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around to see an officer standing behind me.

"Kid it's 10:30 the park is closing..." he says, walking away after. I sigh and notice my cigarette was gone. I flick the butt into the bush and walk out of the park, hands still in my pocket.

I hear a car driving by as I just wipe the tears that have recently fallen from my eyes. I hear the brakes on the car and the music get louder.

"Hey!" I hear a familiar yell from the window. As habit I look over, seeing Daniel yelling out of his window. I throw my hood over my head again and start walking away.

He starts driving beside me with one arm out of the window. The tight, white, long sleeve shirt hugging his arm in the right places.

I wipe my face again and just keep walking, trying to ignore him best as possible. "Let me ride you home it's late..." he says, opening his window even more.

I sigh out before stopping in my tracks. I face him and start walking towards the car. I open the door to the back seat, not wanting to sit next to him. I sit down and look at my feet as I close the door.

"What's wrong?" He asks me.

"Everything." I say bluntly, not removing my gaze from the floor.