Depression Overcoming

Have you ever felt, just so broken? Like, there's no more pain left to possible taunt you anymore? Your heart, just shattered on the ground. You're screaming help but no one even hears. Your arms screaming at you to do just one more cut, ending up being 20. Your meds calling your name... And you get up to go to it...

I've been through this. So have close friends. But I don't get why friends don't think I'm 'just as bad' as they are. They don't know what I've been through. I've been through the cuts all the way up my arms, stomach, thighs, even back. I've attempted suicide. I over dosed, but my body couldn't take it and just threw it up. I actually have been through just as much. But no body understands.

They say people are always there, just gotta wait for the right time. At this point, when I needed people most, there's no one. No one bothers to help. And when they do, it's for a day. Then gone.

I've been though physical and mental pain from parents, to other kids at school. Yeah, physical.

I've wanted to die since I was 9. And I always have thoughts of over-dosing again, and again, and again. I think no one cares, and in reality it's probably true. I'm that friend that's just there taking up too much space. I'm the daughter too sad to do anything. The sister that you don't want to grow up being yourself. The girl, who is just begging to leave. Why, God? Why won't you let me have the one thing I long for more than anything? I just want to leave... I don't care if it's Heaven or Hell, it's much better than here. I'm tired of just crying myself to sleep all the time. I'm tired of being told "You're not that bad. People have it worse.". You just don't understand yourself... You don't understand how much I just want to end.

There's just no point anymore. My friends all have better friends than me, so I'm no ones best friend. My parents won't have to pay anymore medical bills or anything, so maybe just an extra room in the house and less space to take up of me. My brother, he shouldn't want to think of me as a role model, so me being gone would be just fine. So he can be just like his dad or mom or his friends. The rest of my family, I'm just there. They love me, but it's not gonna affect them that much. But myself, what have I gained from this? Since age 9, I've gained depression, sevre grief, and much more I have endured that I would just be better off gone. Safe. In a different place.

If you have some same problems as do I, I'm here for you. No one as great as you deserves to hurt that much. I wish I could just take everyone's pain and send it upon myself. I mean, it's okay. I deserve it for all my sins. It's okay. That is why, I am creating this series of stories about depression and other things.  Darling, You'll Be Okay.