Falling Into You

Chapter 37

Its been about two months since everything happened with Rene. We're going onto the second leg of the tour and we haven't spoken since we broke up.
I'm still with Alex and every day I regret coming back to him. He went right back to hurting me. Of course we were fine for about a week or so, and then he just went back to being his awful self.
Today is the first show of the second leg of the tour, somehow I've managed to avoid seeing Rene through it all. But today it's going to be inevitable. He's still my manager, that was never going to change. We may not be together but no one could manage my career better than Rene. He's going to be at soundcheck today, and he's going to be at the show tonight.
I go over to my closet and pick out what I'm going to wear today. After I'm dressed I walk to my mirror to do my makeup and hair. I look like a mess. The my under yes are dark from the lack of sleep I've been getting and the stress I've been experiencing. Also the amount of crying I've done in the last two months probably doesn't help.
I see the half full bottle of vodka on my dresser and sigh as I open it and take a sip. "Liquid Courage" I tell myself. It's partly a lie, I do need all the courage I can get when having to face Rene for the first time today, but I've also been drinking a lot since we broke up. And I mean a lot. But it's not like anyone is here to stop me. I cut everyone off. Elise texts me sometimes and asks to meet up but I just can't do it. I see her at soundcheck and that's it.
I put on some foundation to cover any bruise that I may have and then put the rest of my makeup on. I finish my hair and take a final look in the mirror. Sighing as I finish off the bottle of vodka. "What happened to you Céline?" I mumble as I stare at myself in the mirror. Two months ago I never would have let myself get this out of control, now I just don't care. It's my way of escaping a crappy situation that I put myself in.
*
At soundcheck...
I finish the final song of the set list and turn to applaud my band. They always rock every single show, they're fantastic.
Shockingly I haven't seen Rene. Part of me feels disappointed but I feel more relieved. I don't want him to see me like this.
As I'm walking off stage I run into something, or rather, someone.
"Sorry." They day as they grab my arm so I don't fall. I look up, only to meet Rene's eyes.
"It was my fault, I wasn't paying attention. Sorry." I say as I quickly walk away. My skin tingling from the feeling of his hands on me.
As soon as I'm in my dressing room I begin sobbing uncontrollably. I press my hand over my mouth to muffle my cries and pray that no one can hear me.
Then there's a knock on my door.
"Who is it?" I say with a shaky voice.
"It's Rene" I freeze. "Céline can we talk please?" A tear rolls down my cheek as I think of what to say.
"Right now isn't a very good time."
"Céline-" he starts and then I hear another voice above his. I try to figure out who it is but I can't. Then the door opens and I pray that it's Rene walking in the door, but instead I look up and see Alex walk in.
"Don't worry I got rid of him." He says as he walks in, meaning he got rid of Rene.
"Thanks." I lie, I want to scream at him for getting rid of Rene.
"You alright babe?" He asks as he walks up to me, I can smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Yeah just a little nervous for the show tonight."
"I thought you might be, which is why I brought you something." He moved his hand from his behind his back to reveal a bottle of vodka.
I force a smile out and open the bottle, taking a long sip.
*
Showtime...
I'm halfway through the last song and I'm starting to feel sick. And this isn't just a normal hangover type sick, this feels worse. My head is light and I feel like I could pass out at any moment.
The bright lights shining on me just add to the feeling.
I finish the last verse of 'My Heart Will Go On' and sigh from relief knowing I can leave the stage.
"Thank you, you've been an amazing audience, I love you! Goodnight!" I yell to the audience with a big smile and then I rush off stage.
Everyone congratulates me on a great show and I thank them as I try to hurry to my dressing room.
Rene stops me as I'm walking past him, we almost collided into each other again.
"Sorry about that..." he says and then he looks down at me and his expression instantly grows worried. "Céline are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"No you're not, Céline you're burning up, you're not standing up easily. What's going on?"
"I don't know!" I say desperately. I move out of his grip and rush to my dressing room.
As soon as I'm in my dressing room I lock the door and pace around the room. I take a painkiller for my head and not thinking straight wash it down with the remainder of the vodka Alex brought me.
The I hear a knock on the door. The sound alone making me want to cry. But it's person on the other side who makes the first tear fall.
"Céline, it's me. I want to make sure you're alright." Rene says softly. When I don't answer I hear him sigh. "Look I know we've gone through a bit lately but I'm still here for you, whatever you may need. So please talk to me what's going on." He sounds desperate for me to answer him and I almost think I can hear his voice breaking as he speaks.
I start walking slowly over to the door but my vision begins fading and I don't make it that far. I fall to the ground as my legs give out. I try to speak but no words come out.
"Céline! Open up" my heart aches as I hear Rene on the other side of the door. I can barely move or speak. "Céline! Come on, I'm worried about you what's going on in there, are you okay?" Tears fall from my eyes as I sit helplessly listening to him yell for me. The man I love is begging for me to answer him and I can't even mutter a single word to let him know I'm alright. But I'm not alright. I'm completely shattered inside. Why was I so stupid to let him go? I made a harsh decision in a time where I wasn't thinking straight. And why did I go back to Alex? I should've known I would end up getting hurt. But I also thought if i was going to get hurt it was going to be from him, but no. Alex has hurt me plenty, but right now I'm hurting because of myself. I let Rene go, he tried to fight for me, he tried to make things work again, but I would give him the time of day. I just gave up. Which is what I'm doing now.
"Céline! I know you're in there please! You're scaring me, open up the door now" I fall back on the floor, clinging to the bottle for dear life, tears streaming from my eyes. Everything just begins to fade as I feel myself passing out. I hear a loud crash as I fade out and the cries of Rene as he runs to me.
"Céline oh my gosh. Are you okay?" He asks as he pulls me into his arms. "Céline, honey, say something." I look at him through my heavy eyes.
"I... love you" I say through ragged breaths. And then everything goes black and all I can hear is the cries of Rene.
"Céline! No! Baby come on wake up, you're going to be okay" I feel him pull me tighter to him and I never want him to let go.
*
Author's Note: I really hate writing Céline like this, it kills me. But for the rest of the story to play out this had to happen. Also, I'm sorry it's taken so long to update, I'll try to get better at that!