Silence

2

I woke up with little to no sleep that morning. I haven't seen anyone from the guild in forever, besides a few people. All I've been thinking about was the types of changes they've probably gone through. It's been a year, and this day was the day I was finally going to go back to the guild hall.

Before we go on, let me explain. My original plan was to go back after a week or two. My first attempt was after the second week when I was really determined to go back for a job request. I needed the money for groceries, and Happy offered to go with me. "Maybe we can take Lucy, Gray, and Erza, too!" I didn't leave the house after that. It took my a while to come to my senses that I was in love with Gray, and I hated myself for it because he was my best friend. I couldn't fall in love with him, my best friend who is a guy. I finally succumbed to my feelings, agreeing with myself that I couldn't control who I fell for. There were times, however, that I hoped my feelings for Gray would go away. That's why, I stayed at hone for a while.

I climbed out of bed and walked to my bathroom. I stared at my guild mark, and then looked at myself in the mirror. I haven't changed at all, except for the fact that I haven't had a hair cut in a while. I looked unhappy and miserable. Today was definitely going to be the day I went to the guild hall. My determination went away quickly after that declaration. I grunted as I walked out of my bathroom and made my way towards the kitchen. Happy wasn't there, as usual. Just because I stopped going to the guild hall didn't mean I was going to stop him from going. He would always report to them on how I was doing, but he decided that it was best for me to not know what was going on there. He said, "It should at least motivate you to go back!" I can't lie and say that it didn't, because it sure did make me curious.

I once got an invitation to a wedding, though. Elfman and Evergreen, of course. Like that was never going to happen. I was going to go, but I got sick and didn't want it to spread in case it was contagious. I bet they were disappointed, but I still sent out a Congrats! card to them.

I also got invited to Gray's birthday party that we haven't celebrated in forever because he always took a job request so that no one would bother him. When I didn't show up the day of, he came to take me over to the guild hall himself. He exclaimed, "If I have to go then you should at least be there for me. Please, Natsu?" But I refused to go, and he was pissed. I felt terrible, but it was for my own good.

I told myself I didn't care. I did care.

I sat at the door when he left. I wanted to see his face again just to see if he was the same or determine how compare how different he looked to the Gray I last saw. But I wasn't in the mood to see anyone. I wanted to be alone.

Throughout my lonely year, I've been hearing knocks on my door from guild mates I hardly even talked to, like Laki for instance. I never listened to her, and she never noticed so it was okay I guess.

Gajeel checked in on me once, too. I was surprised he was actually worried about me. After the first knock resulting in me not answering him, he had the audacity to kick my door down! I told him he had to pay for it. "I ain't paying for nothing 'till you come back to the guild!" he shouted in my ear.

I hated him for that.

I didn't feel like eating breakfast, so I slowly shuffled back to my room. I changed into my usual clothes and yawned. I was just so damn tired. Scratching my head, I set out to the guild hall for the first time in what felt like forever. The walk was quite peaceful as expected, but I was thinking someone from the guild would pop up from behind a bush and trap me somewhere. People do change, you know. The guild hall came in sight, but I didn't want to rush my walk, so I took in my surroundings. I hadn't taken this route in a while since I was afraid I would run into a guildmate. I quickened my pace because I knew that if I went a little slower, I would go back home.