Some Things Never Change: A Book Dedicated to Absolutely Nothing At All

The Initial High

Confession. A bold word that stands for an even bolder action. Coming out to the closet to people isn't easy. In fact, I've been gay for a long time, I'm just now confessing this to people. Let's back it up a little, shall we? Let's go back to the beginning. We'll go back to my first kiss, back in 3rd grade. I was a quiet kid in those days, especially since I was severely socially awkward as a child, always choosing to sit alone rather than go out a lot, until later that year, of course, but let's stay on track. It was about the beginning of my 3rd grade year. It was sunny and warm, and the weather was just perfect. I blew through the entirety of my school day, and invited my friend, Richard Stewarts over to my house. He was a handsome kind of boy, with thick, wavy blonde hair, light skin, and a smile that would just about charm anyone. We hung out upstairs and we played a few video games. We were playing a particularly intense round of Mario Kart 64, when I beat him in a race. He stood up and excused himself. He came back in and asked if I wanted to play a game in the attic, a fun game that older people played. Intrigued, but cautious, I asked what sort of game it was. He said it was a surprise, but it was mostly a question-based game. I said yes, and we climbed the ladder into the attic, and he pulled the ladder up and closed the hatch. He turned on the light and said we were gonna play Truth or Dare. We did that for a while until I picked "Dare". He thought for a moment and dared me to kiss him. I was stunned and considered backing out, and asked if he was sure. He smiled a little and said he was. I asked him if I could pass, but he insisted I go through with it, as that was part of the rules. I told him to close his eyes, and I leaned in closer. I pressed my lips against his and quickly pulled away. He opened his eyes and said that didn't count, that I had to REALLY mean it. I leaned in once more, and our lips connected. I don't think I ever felt the same afterwords about men. I don't think I could ever have the same feelings again. The first kiss was the ultimate high. I knew from then on, I was different, and in a way people noticed and called you out for. From that point, I feigned interest in girls, dating a few off and on, but deep down, I knew the truth. That I was gay, and that I was just pretending otherwise........