In For A Fling

chapter seven

17.5.2016

Tuesday Evening, Later On

Dear Diary,

Isn't it weird how one's mood could change so quickly in just half a day? Well, let me tell you what happened today that had me sitting outside the front porch of my aunt's house instead of being inside where everybody is. It started when I asked Tanya to bring me around Melbourne City to do some university-scouting, or more specifically Monash-scouting. Truth be told, one of the reason why mom actually allowed me to visit Melbourne is because I promised her that I'd take a look around the universities here so I could make a decision once the universities started accepting applications. But since I'm actually here for a holiday and the first rule of being on holidays is not to stress about your work or studies, I decided to just take a brief tour around the only Australian university I had in mind -- the Monash University. But once Tanya heard where exactly I wanted to go, she immediately said, "Hey, Chris is actually attending Monash! Why don't I ring him and ask him to be your tour guide? I'm sure he'd love to show you around his campus. Are you okay with that?" And me being me immediately agreed to it. If only I had known what was going to happened, I would have said otherwise. Fast forward to a couple of hours later, Chris and I were already standing on campus grounds.

"So, you're thinking of Monash, huh?" Chris suddenly asked while we're strolling down one of the lakes in the campus.
"Yep.. I mean, maybe. Honestly, I'm still not sure yet. Monash is just one of the universities I had in mind..."
"I see. By the way, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Why didn't you choose Melbourne U? I mean, isn't it where Jay is studying? Wouldn't it be easier if you just follow his footsteps?"

I hesitated. Chris's question was something everybody wants to know. Usually I'd just shrugged and say that Jayden is much, much more smarter than I am, that I don't think I have what it takes to get into Melbourne U. But today I decided to give a different answer, it is after all just Chris who asked it, someone who didn't really know me and someone whom I'll probably never see again after this trip, so I answered truthfully . "That's the problem. Jayden has ALWAYS been the smart one in the family. The cousin who's always been looked up to since young because of his great academics. But I don't want that, I don't want to follow his footsteps. I want to make my OWN footsteps and accomplish my OWN goals. I don't want to be the cousin who's always behind Jayden's shadow."

I was beyond relieved when I blurted that out. It felt as though a rock had been lifted up from my heart. I always felt like I was living under Jayden's shadow. Whenever my mom used to tell me how great Jayden was, I always have this strong urge to try and out-great him. Whenever there's a family gathering, all my other aunts would say how good I was, following Jayden's footsteps, being all smart and clever and stuff. I was tired with all those so-called compliments. I was tired of being under Jayden's shadow.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that when Chris abruptly stopped, I didn't even realize it and ended up accidentally tripping on his foot. I tried grabbing onto anything I could to prevent me from falling ungracefully, and when I thought I couldn't be any more humiliated, I just had to grab onto his outstretched hand, making us fall unto the ground like a pile of human bodies. Normally, I would avoid any human interaction after experiencing such an embarrassment, but when I tried to look up to see if Chris was okay, our noses were touching each other, and I swear to God I saw a hint of red on his cheeks. Immediately, the both of us got up and before you know it, we were laughing as though it was a world-class joke.

"Jayden isn't really the smart one." Chris suddenly said softly after the laughter died down between us. "I mean, he is smart in academics, but he's a dumbass in other aspects. Trust me, you're not living under Jay's shadow." After he said that, he did something that made my heart stopped beating and sent a million butterflies fluttering in my stomach. 

He took my hand. 

"Gosh, you're cold. I better get you something to drink, or else Tan's going to kill me. Did I tell you Tanya specifically told me to take good care of you or else she would personally wring my neck?" he laughed.

So we walked to the nearest cafe hand-in-hand. Oh diary, you should've seen my face! I think I was blushing so hard that I literally became a walking heater! But before I can even declare that today was one of the best days in my life, a girl came up to me when Chris left me outside the cafe to grab two hot chocolates.

"Hey, do you know Chris?" she asked.
"Umm... Yea?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners? I'm Kaitlin, Chris's GIRLFRIEND." She emphasized the last word so hard it literally was a slap across my face. Once she was sure the message is clear, what she did next was utterly heartbreaking! She went into the cafe, hugged Chris from behind and pecked him on the cheek. To say my world was shattered into a million pieces was an understatement. 

After witnessing that heart shattering scene, I quickly walked away from the cafe and called Tanya, hoping she could come and fetch me back ASAP. I was disappointed with myself, not because of the fact that my crush already has a girlfriend, but because of the fact that I maybe a homewrecker, or for this case a couple-wrecker. So now I'm here, feeling all numb sitting outside the front porch, trying my best to avoid Chris as much as possible. Damn it, I should've brought my jacket out with me, the autumn breeze is getting colder and colder as the sun begins to set. If only I had brought my camera out too! The sunset here is absolutely gorgeous! And so is the guy living next door.... Wait, what?! Why is there a guy standing outside his front porch? And... Is he waving at me?

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Author's Note :

So the song I was listening to while editing this chapter is Soldier by Before You exit. And gosh, it just brings back so much feelings and memories I have. Weirdly, when I was listening to the song back then, I was feeling so bubbly and happy just as a teenage girl would when her crush acknowledges her and wished to spend time with her. But now, the song speaks to me in a different level, from the point of view from a distressed teen. 

I sent a stupid text yesterday to a guy I promised myself not to contact anymore, and had been waiting for a reply ever since. I'm not mad at the fact that this boy didn't reply me, but at the fact that guys could just not acknowledge a person's concern. Like I can understand you don't want to have a decent conversation, but the least you can do is reply with a cold-shouldered answer so that I get the message.

Gods, I'm just so sick and tired of guys right now. And that's quite a statement from a girl who is a hopeless romantic. Or maybe it's partly my fault? I should've more self control. I don't know. 

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed today's chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment!

xoxo