Blue

Chapter 12

September

It was only five in the morning when I woke up on my birthday. The baby was kicking like crazy, and my stomach was hurting, so I couldn't really fall back asleep. When I wasn't feeling any better three hours later, I called Gwen just to be sure. She ensured me that everything was fine and that it was just growing pains. She told me to try taking a warm bath and eating something. I was still in the bathtub when I heard my phone ring.
I smiled slightly when I saw it was him calling. "Hey Shawn."
"Happy birthday, baby."
I smiled a little more. "Thank you."
"So what are you doing today?"
I groaned and rubbed my belly. "Nothing if this stomachache doesn't go away."
"Your stomach is hurting?" His voice was full of concern.
I shrugged. "Gwen says it's just growing pains. And the baby is kicking the hell out of me. I've been up since five."

"Did you eat something?"
I shook my head. "Not yet. But I don't think I want anything here anyway."
"What do you want?"
I laughed a little to myself. "Popeyes."
I heard him laugh too. "Wow. You haven't had that in five years."
"I know." I closed my eyes and thought to myself. "I want some wings and drumsticks. Green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, red beans and rice..."
"Now you're making me hungry." He laughed again.
I smiled. "I don't feel like leaving the house though, so I'll just find something here."
"You're just gonna stay in all day?"
I shrugged again. "Yeah, I'm tired. And I feel fat."
"You're not fat."
"Yeah, well you don't see me right now." I rolled my eyes.
"I saw you two days ago. You weren't fat then, and I'm sure you still look good now."
I smiled again. "Will you call me again tonight?"
"Of course, if you want me to."
"I do." I smiled again. "I love you. I miss you."
"I love and miss you too."
I was still smiling when I hung up the phone, and I'm not sure if it was the conversation or the bath, but I was feeling better afterwards.

I started to feel a little irritated again when I went down to the kitchen though. Now that Shawn isn't here, there's absolutely no meat in the house, and while I really wanted some chicken, I also really didn't want to go out. I ended up finding some chicken flavored soup, so I settled with that. It was probably the most unsatisfying thing I'd ever eaten. I was just about to throw it away when I heard my doorbell ring. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I frowned as I headed to the door. When I opened it, my sister was standing on the other side.
"Hey," I smiled when I saw her. "What are you doing here?"
She smiled back. "I come bearing gifts."
In each of her hands, she had large bags. Popeyes bags. Slowly, my smile spread even more. "Did Shawn call you?"
She nodded as she entered the house. "Indeed he did."
She brought the food into the kitchen and pulled everything out. It was everything I told him I wanted on the phone. After seeing everything, my first instinct was to hug her. She laughed when I wrapped my arms around her.
"Damn, Bey. It's just chicken."
"Yeah, chicken that I haven't had in five years."
When I pulled away, she kissed my cheek. "Shawn told me to give you that. Happy birthday."
"Thanks. I'll have to remember to thank him too."
After we fixed our plates, we sat in the living room and watched Netflix. My sister stayed with me for the rest of the day, and later that night when he called, I made sure to thank Shawn for making my day, even from a distance.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first month was the hardest. So many times, I didn't really want to get out of bed. Sometimes, I didn't. I was just grateful that I worked from home, so most of the time, it didn't require me to leave the bed. I forced myself out of bed at least a few times each week. I know that being cooped up in the house, and especially in the bed, can lead to depression.
I cried myself to sleep many nights, and the nights that I didn't cry, I just felt restless, because my bed felt too empty.

Shawn called me at least two or three times a week to check on me. He wanted to make sure I was keeping my promise. That was the only condition on which he would agree to the separation. I had to promise not to harm myself.
I admit, some days, it was hard, especially my stressful days and the nights when I laid awake unable to sleep. Sometimes, I even wished I was dead.