Blue

Chapter 14

November

It's been almost 3 months since the separation. Shawn and I have seen each other a few times since the pizza parlor, and I think it's time we start working on our marriage again. I can tell that we've both grown so much in these months. He's been such a good father to Corey, but he's laid some very clear boundaries with Candice. He told me about her trying to come onto him that night. Honestly, I was neither surprised nor upset. A part of me suspected that she might try something with him, and I was glad that he handled it the way he did. He told me that he can tell that she isn't completely happy with the boundaries that he set, but she still respects them.
I've grown as well. I still haven't officially found out the sex of the baby, but I just know it's a girl. Every time I call her my baby girl, she kicks like she's excited. I started talking to her shortly after the separation. I didn't have anyone else to talk to, really, so I started with her. She seemed to become instantly more lively when I did that. It made me feel like she's just been waiting for me all this time. The thought made me both happy and sad.

With Thanksgiving coming up, my family was planning on going to my mom's house for dinner, but I really was dying to see him. The night before, I decided to call him up to ask about his plans.
"Hey, baby." He answered the phone.
I smiled at the sound of his voice. It gave me butterflies the same way it used to back in high school when I would call him at night, when I was supposed to be in bed. "Hey, Shawn." I spoke softly. "I was just wondering if you had any plans for tomorrow. You know, my mom is cooking."
"Oh," he sighed. "I wish you had asked me earlier. Candice wanted to do Thanksgiving with her and Corey at my place. I already told them they could. She's planning some kind of dinner. But maybe I can try to finish up early and swing by your mom's."
I felt the tears pricking my eyes. I found myself really disappointed. "No, don't do that." Despite my glossy eyes, my voice came out even. "Spend the day with your son. Maybe you can come over the day after."
"Of course," he spoke. I could tell by his tone that he was smiling.
"Don't forget to thaw the turkey overnight." I reminded him. He never seemed to remember to do that.
I heard him laugh on the other end. "I won't."
We talked on the phone for a little while longer, and I ended up falling asleep with him still on the line.

~*~*~*~

"Beyoncé, could you take the cornbread muffins to the table please?" My mother instructed me.
I sighed, feeling the ache in my back and the pain in my feet, yet I still obediently replied "Yes, Mom." and did as she told me to. I wasn't expected to cook much, but since I wasn't doing anything, everyone seemed to be asking me around. At first, I didn't mind, but I was starting to get tired. I didn't want to complain though. I really wasn't doing as much as everyone else, I was just heavier than everyone else.
After bringing the muffins to the table, I sat down for the first time in twenty minutes. My back popped as I rested, and my legs felt numb. The food was almost ready, and I just couldn't wait to eat.

Dinner at my mother's house consisted of my parents, my sister and her family, Kelly and her family, and my cousin Angie and her boyfriend. Altogether, it was eleven people, but the one person I really wanted was absent. I was excited to be seeing him the next day though. His birthday was coming up, and I wanted to take him out to dinner. I also wanted him to come home. After spending this time apart and working on ourselves, I really think that we will be able to work on our marriage for real this time.
I visited my therapist regularly in the past few months, and Solange and Kelly both came with me to yoga. Sometimes my mom even came. Interaction with the women in my family definitely also helped with my healing process. My depression isn't gone, of course, but it's a lot better than it's been in years.

My back and feet were just starting to feel rested when the doorbell rang. "Beyoncé, would you mind getting that?"
Without my control, it seemed, I gave my mom a look that could kill.
"I know you're tired," she continued. "But we're about to set the table, and you're free at the moment."
I'm also super heavy and pregnant, I thought to myself. But again, I didn't say anything to argue. With a bit of struggling, I pushed my sore body up from the chair, and I slowly walked to the front door. I don't know who I might have been expecting, but before I could even process who I saw in front of me, I heard Corey's little voice cheer out my name.
"BB!"
I was confused, but I still smiled. "Hi, baby!" I greeted Corey with a small hug. "What are you guys doing here?" I asked as Shawn and Candice both stood on the other side of the door.
With a smile on his face, Shawn shrugged. "Our turkey didn't thaw in enough time so, I hope you don't mind if we join you guys."
"Of course not! Come in!"
Candice was carrying a dish with food, and she politely greeted me before taking Corey by the hand and leading him into the kitchen. I could hear him greeting my mother as "Grandma T."