Blue

Chapter 8

Standing there and seeing her kiss my husband like that made my blood boil. Have you ever been so angry, that you were just calm? That's how I felt. Shawn saw me first, and he looked like he'd seen a ghost. Candice then turned around, and her face paled too.
"Beyoncé, I-"
"Get out of my house." I said in a calm voice.
"It's not what you think-" she continued to explain.
But I stopped her again. "Candice, get your shit, get your son, and get out of my house."
Until the door closed behind her as she left, neither Shawn or I moved from our stance. I couldn't stand to look at him though, so I turned and headed for our bedroom.
"Bey, listen to me, just let me explain-"
I turned around to face him, and I crossed my arms. "Alright. Go ahead."
He stuttered a bit while I waited. "She kissed me, okay? I pushed her away."
"Took you an awfully long time to do that."
"I didn't know what was going on, I was trying to process everything."
"You know what," I shook my head. "I don't really have anything to say to you."  I turned back and started towards the room again. I could hear him trying to get my attention behind me, but I really couldn't stand to be near him.
"Bey! Babe, please-"
"Shawn!" I shouted out of frustration. He finally stopped talking. "Just...leave me alone right now."
It had been a hell of a day, and I couldn't handle this too. He slept in another bedroom that night, and I hardly got any sleep. I held my pillow tight against my body, and all night, I kept wondering why he cheated on me in the first place. What was so special about her?

I felt a little better after sleeping off my emotions the night before, and I was ready to talk to him. I would have to anyway, we had our yoga class.
I fixed us some pancakes for breakfast, and soon enough, he was making his way into the kitchen.
"Good morning." He said softly. I could tell that he was testing me to see if I was still upset.
I realized then that I still didn't want to look at him. "Good morning." I answered back.
He stayed quiet for a while, but I could tell that he wanted to say something. Finally, he spoke. "Bey, I'm really sorry about last night. I swear..." he sighed. "It won't happen again."
That statement made my body fill with a hot rage again. "It should have never happened in the first place."
"Can I please just explain what happened?"
I didn't verbally answer. Once the food was done cooking on the stove, I turned everything off and just turned around to face him. I kept my arms folded as if to guard myself. I felt like I would lose it any second. 

"She came on to me, okay? I promise. She asked me to go into business with her, and then I said I would need to talk to you first, and then she just went on about how I care about you more than her, and she wanted to know what I see in you..." he was rambling, and I honestly didn't care. "And then she just kissed me. I...I didn't want to kiss her back, but I didn't really know what was going on."
He didn't speak again after that, so I assumed he was done. "I change my mind. I do want to know."
He frowned. "Know what? I just told you what happened."
I sighed and lowered my head. "That night you found out she was pregnant, I told you that I didn't ever want to know why you slept with her. I change my mind, I want to know now."
"Bey," he sighed. "It was a stupid mistake."
"That's not an answer. Why did you sleep with her?"
He was stuck. He knew I didn't want a bullshit excuse, and I wouldn't stop until I got some answer out of him. "I don't know. She was...there. She was there when you weren't."
I still didn't buy that. Not entirely. "You were at a bar. Any woman could have come up to you, would you have just slept with the first one, no matter who she was?"
"No, of course not."
"Then why her? What was it about her that made you want to have sex with her?"
He sighed. "It honestly wasn't something about her. I mean, it helped that I knew her but..." he had a look of sorrow in his eyes. "I think the main reason I did it was because...I wanted to make you hurt...like how I was hurting."
I was actually kind of shocked at his answer. I could tell he wasn't lying though, and that hit me kind of hard. I wiped away a tear that had fallen free. "Well, congratulations."