Blue

Chapter 17

~*~ Flashback ~*~

One afternoon in the middle of May, the sun shone brightly, not a cloud was in the sky, and the temperature wasn't yet scorching with the summer heat. Most people said that it was a perfect day. But to one woman, it was one of the worst days of her life.

She woke up that morning feeling slightly sick to her stomach, as she had been for the past couple weeks. She knew that any day could be the day, but she didn't know if she was ready for it. It's not like she had a choice though, the time was nearing whether she liked it or not.
She felt the bed shift behind her, and then she felt her husband's arm wrap around her waist. He kissed her shoulder as he did every morning, and he softly whispered "good morning." He knew she was awake.
"Morning." She responded. Whether it was good or not was still to be determined. She felt him continue to peck her neck and shoulders with his lips, so she knew what he would ask.

She sighed as he entered her from behind. He wanted to turn her around to face him, but she refused. Again. When she first found out about what had happened between them, it took a long time before she'd even let him touch her again. But once their counseling sessions got to them, she eventually allowed him to be intimate with her. At least, that was the word they used. But never did she face him when they were together. She didn't want to see his face and think about the fact that he shared this with someone else. She didn't want him to see her tears either.

She hated to admit to herself that the feeling of him inside of her continued to fill her with pleasure, even after what he'd done to her. Sometimes, she even felt that her peak was stronger because of the grief she felt towards him. That morning, her tears started out as ones of ecstasy, but once her body settled from her orgasm, they turned into tears of heartache. Her husband heard her sobs, but every time he tried to comfort her in the past, she shielded herself from him. He tried again, in vain, that day, but he got the same response. He didn't know if things would ever get better between them, but it had only been eight months since the revelation. He figured perhaps, she still needed some time.

"After therapy today," he started once she'd calmed some. "Why don't we go on a date? Just to get some pizza or something."
He wasn't expecting her to say yes, he just wanted to do something to move forward and make her feel better. Much to his surprise, he heard a light laugh break through her sobs.
"A pizza date just like old times?" She still faced away from him when she answered. "I would love to."
He was both surprised and relieved by her response, so he tested the waters again. He placed his hand on her hip and lightly circled her soft skin with his thumb just above her bone. She reached back to cover his hand with hears. It ceased his circling caresses, but she did not remove his hand from her body. He was finally getting through to her, as she was allowing him to touch her more often.
"I love you, Beyoncé." He said softly, but firmly. He told her every day, but he didn't think she believed him.
He heard her sigh as she normally did when he'd speak those words to her, and she responded in the same tone that he used. "Not as much as I love you."

~*~*~*~

Her statement bothered him. It held more of a meaning to it than it sounded, so he brought it up during their session. It was the last twenty minutes, the time when the floor was opened up to them to discuss whatever they wanted.
"Shawn, do you have anything you'd like to say to or ask Beyoncé?" Dr. Woods offered the floor. Normally, Shawn took that time to tell Beyoncé how much he loved her and how sorry he was for everything. But that day, he had to clear the air.
"Yeah, I have a question." Beyoncé faced him with a frown, surprised by his change in nature. "What did you mean this morning?"
"What are you talking about?" She asked.
"I said that I love you, and your response was 'not as much as I love you'. It just sounded like...there's more to it than that."