White Lines

Going downhill

Leah opened her eyes and shivered. there was no one else in the bed and the room was freezing. She sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bed. Her foot hit something metallic on the floor and she looked down, his knife.

She picked it up and shoved it in the waistband of her night pants without thinking. She padded over to his closet and tree on a t-shirt that was almost 3 sizes too big.

"Senpai!" She heard Vanz yell from downstairs, "if you don't want your food to consist of toast and cereal you better get your ass down here!"

Wow, she hasn't called me senpai in years. She thought.

She ran down the hall and slid down the handrail to the stairs on her butt.

"You act like you miss me or something Vanz-senpai." She said.

Both of the guys-as always-looked considerably confused.

"Senpai is Japanese for "higher up" and so we called each other that a long time ago because we watched too much anime for our own good." Vanz explained.

"We were in, what, seventh grade?" Leah asked.

"Yep. That was a really good year in terms of friend stuff. A bit dramatic, but still fun."

"Yeah, I miss the rest of the gang we had." Leah's tone was half hearted at best.

"Yeah, it's sort of hard to keep in touch nowadays. After high school we all sort of...drifted apart. I don't even know where Haley and Hannah are. And Emily's in Japan." Their voices were sad and almost pained.

"Not to mention..." Leah's voice trailed off.

"Grace." Vanz said quietly.

Noctis looked at Leah who had sat down. she pushed her plate away from her and put her head in her hands.

"Noctis," she said, "I think it's time for me to explain to you why your wrists bother me."

"Uhm, okay?"

"Well, it was right after we got out of high-school. We were having this senior party on that Friday and Grace had called and told us that she couldn't make it. She was always talking about suicide like it was a joke, we never though that she would do it. She had been cutting since about 5th or 6th grade but we never thought much about it, but then, they started getting deeper, and wider, until they would do like yours. Without really thinking about it we honestly believed that she was sick, so we went to see her. She defiantly wasn't sick." Leah stopped to keep her voice from cracking, "she cut so far into her wrists that she bled out, Noctis. I didn't want you to end up like that. I wanted to protect you from all of those things that would set you off, but I couldn't and I'm sorry. Because I know that one of those was me."

Noctis' eyes went wide, the last sentence made his heart clench and twist into knots. "Why do you think that?"

"I know people at the rink too. I go when plenty of people are around."

Vanz stared at Noctis for a moment, "so, what exactly have you been talking about over there?"

"Nothing! I barely say a word to anyone over there! in all honesty you're the reason that I don't cut anymore."

Leah groaned and put her head on the table.

"Oi, did y'all have like bad sex or something?" Gabriel asked.

Leah put her fingers up like a gun and pointed it at him, her head never leaving the table. she made a sound like a gunshot and jerked her arm upward like she was firing a pistol. "No." She said.

Noctis rubbed Leah's back gently, "what's the matter?"

"Nothing, just feeling like a bitch as always."

He bent down to her ear and whispered something. to Vanz surprise, she laughed and raised her head.

"What did he say?" Vanz asked.

"I'll tell you later."