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WARNINGS: bulimia, smoking Chapter 7 •••
She had to pretend that everything was fine. Although his words hurt her, his cold exterior melted away and soon a small young boy broke through. Childhood was so innocent, innocent for all of us.
After Nadine and Toni's kind words, she decided to eat. She ordered a large box of chicken, with a soda and some fries. Perhaps she should start a new diet. One that does not make her feel hungry and worthless. She'd eat and then be empty again.
•••
When the food came, she payed the delivery guy and stuffed her face with the food. A moan escaping her lips as she ate the chewy meat. The crunch and crackle of the fried skin.
She had finished in a mere ten minutes. Treating herself to a 7up from the fridge. She truly felt like it was a cheat day for her. She grinned to herself, her mouth still bursting with a meaty scent.
•••
At one o'clock, she walked to the bathroom. Picking up her toothbrush and pushing it to the roof of her mouth, she pushed it to the roof once more and she quickly lowered her head to the sink.
Soon her insides spilt out, and she cleaned her toothbrush and the sink and walked out: as though she had just touched up her makeup. So this was the short path to feeling beautiful? So be it.
She had previously had problems with bulimia. When her crush of two years had called her fat and ugly - it somehow triggered her. Anything he told her, (he rarely spoke to her) she believed. So when he said this to her best friend, with her a few meters away behind the wall of her middle school. She burst into tears.
No one had ever liked her. Her friends were the gorgeous and kind people you wanted to be, or date. She was the small germ that followed them around and occasionally made an appearance to the rest of the public.
But no one had ever called her beautiful, or sweetheart, or baby! Her father used words like 'kiddo' and 'son': a running joke as he had thought she was a boy when she was born. The Euns didn't want to know the sex of the child until the very last second.
••• Enough of the past: she'd had too much of it. The quote she lived by was 'although there's always going to be more of the past than present, it doesn't mean that can't change' a quote her Drama teacher in middle school had told the class of bored twelve year olds. She was the only one who was attentive through EVERY lesson.
