Imperium | BTS Mafia AU (NamJoon FanFic)

Whore

I pulled away without hesitation and attempted to push him away from me. He let go of my waist and took a few steps back, observing my body language. I was shocked, there was no questioning that, but in a way, I was angry at him. I was confused by his thought process. He'd mock me, belittle me, and dismiss me as a woman, but now he's the one trying to get close to me. He's the one who's been holding my hands and touching my body. He was a complete mystery to me. It's like he wants everything to do with me, but at the same time, he doesn't want me at all. We stare at each other, basking in the intense tension that clambered through the air. There was no words between us which made the pressure rise, but what really made me most uncomfortable was his discomposing stare. He had't looked away from me since I pushed him away and I hadn't bothered to look him in the eyes. The look he had when he kissed me was truly lecherous. No amount of purity when into that kiss, and I don't want to see that look again, especially from him. He's told me countless times that I'm not his type or that he's not interested in my 'little boy body', and his words stung! I lost confidence in myself because of his harsh words, but he did that just to cover himself up! I stayed up all night trying to figure out what I could do to heighten my appeal! Even if I didn't want to be with any of the boys, I still wanted them to see me as a woman because I am a woman! I looked at them as men; I even looked at Tae as a man! My thoughts began to run rampant. I balled my fists, still not making eye contact with him. My heart began to race and the adrenaline of rage began to kick in.

"What the fuck was that?" I yelled at him, looking at his surprised stance. He was taken aback by my sudden outburst. I clenched my jaw and pursed me lips. My fists trembled as I squeezed them tightly. My throat became dry and as my heart sped up, sweat began to ooze into my palms. The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention and my eye twitched from the sight of him. He stood, not saying a word. He had not moved and quite honestly, he look scared. His scared look didn't falter me any. At this point, I wanted to fight him. "Make up your mind, you God damn son of a bitch! I'm not going to play your childish games!" I spat at him, completely vexed. 

"What games?" Was all he could muster up the courage to say. My jaw hung slightly open in complete awe of how dense he is. I ran my tongue across my teeth and took a few steps toward him. 

"You have got to be the dumbest fucker on the face of the planet! What games? You have the audacity to dismiss me like that? To manipulate me? To tear me down? And you ask me what games? You tell me I'm not good enough! You tell me I'm not woman enough! You tell me I'm not fit or that I look to lazy for you! Everything I do is not up to your standards, yes you're the one making moves on me! You're the one who gives me back-handed compliments and you're the one who held my hand! And now you're the one who fucking kissed me!" I ran my shaky fingers through my hair and that's when I noticed I was crying, but they weren't tears of sadness. They were tears of pure anger. These were the type of tears that were acidic; the type to burn your skin and your soul. These tears were injected with the anger and confusion he had put me through, but my heart wept in a different way. Yes, I was angry, there was no doubt about that, but NamJoon is the type of person I seek approval from. He's my boss, but I wanted him to see me as a friend, just like he was the rest of the boys. I wanted him to acknowledge me being apart of the same family. In a way, I wanted to know outright that he accepted me, not as a woman, not as a friend, but as a part of his life. The more he insulted and belittled me, the more my heart yearned for his approval. I worked so hard with the other boys to train myself to become something NamJoon could be proud of. I wanted him to be proud of me so I could be proud of myself. I hung my head. My anger was melting away, but a new ice was forming-- the need for validation."Please, make up your mind," I whispered wiping tears away from my cheeks. I wondered how silly I'd looked at that moment. I was sobbing at his feet, waiting for his answer. It was a complete 180. It seemed as though I was wrapped around his finger. He could make me do anything, and I wouldn't question it. In fact, I would want to do it just to make him happy. Maybe that's the reason I stayed in Imperium Syndicate. 

"I've made up my mind," His voice was soft. I looked up at him with hopeful eyes, but I wasn't greeted with the look that I wanted him to have. It was, instead, a sour look-- a look of distaste. "Miss YuNa, you're the one who needs to make your mind up. I've caught you countless times with JiMin and I see the way you look at the other boys. I'm beginning to think that the only reason you joined was to get your fix, you little whore," NamJoon's voice cracked down on me like a hammer. I had no idea what he meant by ' the way I look at the other boys'. I didn't look at them like that!  Before I could get any words out, NamJoon grasped my wrist again and pulled my out of the bathroom. BaekHyun and SeHun both stood in the living room, trying to act slick, but it was obvious that they had been listening. NamJoon stopped, not looking up from the floor. "Practice is cancelled today, SeHun. YuNa is feeling sick," He muttered and proceeded forward, not waiting for an answer. My legs wanted to protest NamJoon's fast pace, but I didn't dare defy him at this point. He had been thinking that I just wanted to join Imperium Syndicate so that I could sleep with all of them? I guess that's why he's been so off putting. He slung me into the car and slammed the door. He got into the driver's seat and instantly sped off. "You're the one who needs to make up your mind. You're the one who needs to figure out what you want and who you want! I'm not opposed to you being in a relationship with any of the boys, I promise you that, but when you deliberately distract them from their work and use them for your own gain, that's where I draw the line!" He screamed at me, hands tight on the steering wheel. I grasped the sides of the seat to try and steady myself. I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't want to sleep with any of them and I didn't mean to distract any of them either. I hadn't noticed that they were being distracted. Neither of us spoke for the rest of the ride home, but even after we got back to the building, NamJoon's angry energy was still as strong as it was when we first got into the car. He slammed the car door and he slammed the front door as well, not even waiting for me. I got out of the car and kept my distance, making sure I wouldn't see him when I came in. I opened the door and instead of seeing NamJoon, I saw the rest of the boys, gathered in the common room with confused looks on their faces. 

"What is going on?" SeokJin asked, everybody's eyes were locked on me. I didn't know what to tell them or even where to start. 

"I don't think I can be apart of this anymore."