The Roommates (Louis Tomlinson.)

Birthday Fights

With my back pressed up against the wall, his face came closer to mine if that was even possible. My lips moved in perfect sync with his as he wrapped his arms around me. My hands found my way to his hair and started running my fingers through it. His hands played at the rim of my shirt as the kiss got more firey and full of life. It was a passionate kiss. His hands slipped under my shirt and I felt his tounge graze my bottom lip. I granted him access wanting more from him. His hands caressed my sides as he forced himself more onto me. I felt our tounges dance with each other as we kept kissing. When we broke apart, he laid his forehead onto mine and we both panted. I opened my eyes to see his beautiful ocean blue orbs piercing my dark green ones. He was so beautiful. And I did love him. I loved him more than anything.

'I do love you Cassidy.' He said.

'I love you too.' I whispered, biting down on my lip.

'And you look so amazing tonight.' He said, with his eyes trailing down as far as they could go.

'It was all for you.' I say, wrapping my wrist around his neck.

'God, I'm so glad you're mine.'

'I have been saying that ever since I could remember.' I laughed. He took his hands out from under my shirt and caressed my cheeks.

'You are so beautiful.' he whispers, making me giggle.

'How did I ever get you?'

'I don't know. Why did you ever want me?'

'Why didn't I? You're perfect.' He said, making me smile.

'I just love your nose.' He said, kissing the tip of my nose, 'your forehead, your cheeks and your lips.' He said kissing each one, 'and your jaw bone and your neck.' He said, planting kissing down my neck, making me bite my lips.

'Calm down now, band boy.' I say.

'Band boy?' He chuckles.

'Well you're in a band and I hope you're a boy.' I say.

'I am. I hope you're a lovely girl.' He smirks, pecking my lips.

'Okay Louis, come on- we have an actual party to get to.' I said, grabbing his hand and dragging him with me downstairs.

'Okay. Fine.' He groaned.

'Happy Birthday babe.' I smiled, kissing his cheek.

'Mmm.. So now you care it's my birthday?'

'Yes. And be happy I came down here.'

'Hey, I'm coming up there in two days for your birthday, and the we can drive home together.'

'I know. Cause we kinda live together.' I smile, crinkling my nose.

'I think that on Friday, we should go out. See a movie or something.'

'Whatever you want birthday boy.'

I'm just glad today he drank a little before I came. I mean if he was still sober when I came and than I don't know what happened. He didn't even bring up the whole Carter thing even though he doesn't know it's Carter. I'm just glad he didn't yell at me or something. I know he's being protective but still, I don't need another bruised shoulder or dislocated knee. God, that would suck. But I know Louis wouldn't hurt me. I would probably fall up the stairs which would cause me to fall downstairs. That would actually suck if that happened. I know that we are going to talk about it sometime or later. I just hope later doesn't happen while I'm here or when he comes up to see my family. God, I wish my brother would have never opened his big mouth. Then I wouldn't have to worry about any of this shit. I actually noticed over a long time period I gave up on the whole 'I hardly cuss' thing and that 'I feel guilty when I do' cause I obviously don't give a fuck anymore and I would cuss all the time in my videos. I guess I just hated cussing to people when I didn't need to. Oh well, people change. It's like they say, no one stays Hannah Montana forever. God, what am I doing with my life though? I haven't eaten and I'm starving but I don't want to eat. It's like that feeling you get when you know you haven't eaten and you want food, but you feel full. That's how I feel all the time. So I'm always out doing something to get my mind off of eating, even though I think about food a lot. I don't get it. I just have coke with me all the time so I can satisfy my whole hunger. It sucks really. Knowing you want to eat but you don't at the same time. And losing weight and a lot- which can be serious. I know how dangerous this is, but I still do it to feel good about myself. And I don't so far.. I just don't want it to be where you can literally see my bones and think that's better. Cause it really isn't. I just want to lose some weight and then have all the fat come off my body. Then that would be the time where I start to eat little by little everyday. It may take months to even get as far as feeling good about my appearance. I basically eat every Tuseday though.. So I'm still eating, just not as much. At least in eating though. Right? And now I'm exercising a lot now. I mean, today I did a jog all the way around my neighbourhood and did this whole workout thing. God, I pushed myself so hard that I was weak. I don't even know how I'm in heels and a dress. I don't think anyone knows just how hard it is to not eat. It's difficult. And whenever my stomach grumbles I just say for some weird reason 'shut up stomach. You're not hungry, you're bored.' But it isn't that hard for me at the same time because I basically lived my life off of disgusting frozen meals since I don't know how to cook, so it was kinda easy. I don't even know why I'm taking myself as fat when I'm obviously somewhat good enough for Louis Tomlinson. I still don't even know why he asked me out. God, what has my life come to? I have an amazing boyfriend who likes me for me. Isn't that good enough? Why am I doing this to myself? I should be happy with my life. I have 20 million subscribers on YouTube who adore me. I fell in love with a world famous boy band member who happens to be my roommate. I have had terrible pasts with people in general though. With my old roommate, Jenna, and Carter, which I still have to talk to the day I get back. Everyone has problems with people though, it's nothing new to the world. But yet I still do this. It's not even a choice anymore. My brain has gotten so use to it, I'm actually scared. I have to force myself to eat sometimes on Tusedays. I end up every night on shower floor, sobbing. And that's only why I cry in the shower half the time, so no one can hear me. Cause the last thing I need is for Louis to know about this. I know I can't keep it from him forever but I'm going to keep it away from him for awhile. I don't want attention about this. I'm not proud of it but then again, I am. I don't know how it works but that's how I'm feeling. Just right now, I need to relax and have a good time with his family. On his birthday. He should have a great one. I also have a long drive back to the house, so I would have to leave earlier so that I can see Austin before he goes to bed.