When Karma Hits You

Chapter 14

          Finally, I'm home. Yes! I'm home but my mind was left on the car. He was about to kiss me. Isn't it so sweet? Haha! I don't know but from the time I left them I was still smiling. What was that mean? Will I put a meaning on his sweet gesture? Will I? What was that? Is he intended to do that? Is he? Is that intentional or accidentally? Will I think more than that? Will I? Oh! I need to push the delete button on my mind, on my memory. Yes! Erase! Erase! Live a life, Renee'! Live a life! Yes! I need a break! After those days of awkwardness, disconcerted emotion, well enjoyment, finally I'm home. After those days where I felt tremble, those days where I felt my both knees were shaking, after those days of full of memories, sweet memories, finally I'm home. I need a break. I really need it. It was too stressful days that I have been experienced.

"Hi Mom!" I said and kissed her on her cheek. I miss them. For only three days and two nights that I did not see them, I felt homesick.

"How's the team building? Have you enjoyed it?" she asked me. She is currently preparing for dinner.

"Yes, but of course. Where's dad?" I looked for my dad but he is not here. I make my own coffee, with milk. I just need to sip a hot drink.

"He is on Sizzy's room. He's helping her on her project." She said.

" I see. I'll go upstairs." I said after making my own coffee.

"Go down after you've change, we will have dinner." she said.

           I just nod and went upstairs while holding a cup of coffee on my right hand. Ouch! My whole body hurts. A very tiring day. I felt exhausted. I breathe in. I sniffed my room. I miss the smell of a new wash bed sheet on my bed, dried from the heat of the sun. A smell of fresh flower scent surrounds the room. Maybe mom sprayed air freshener on my room. I'm back. I'm back from my dreams. I'm back to reality. I'm here. I'm back on my room. I let my hand to gently touches my cabinet, my bed, my window. Welcome home, Renee', welcome back. Breathe in. I tapped my face. So, wake up. I sit on my bed. I feel that my heart is beating faster. I can hear the sound from my heart through my ear and goes through my eyes so I can see what my heart is doing.

         I stand up and open my window. Just the usual, in the evening, I see what I previously saw. But, things has changed. Now, when I look into this area, my eyes did not notice the unprogressive thing. Because my eyes was notice what my heart feels. And at the moment, my eyes saw a blooming yet in doubted heart. A happy heart yet scared. It is too ambiguous. Too many interpretations. Too many possibilities. But the thing is, I don't know which is right. I remember the resort, the vintage resort. We left our memories on that place. Well, that place have witnessed what my heart was doing. That place was the one to push my heart to come out. That place is so lovely yet is hurting my heart as well. It was a lovely memory yet the most pained. It was a realization rather. Yes, it was a realization.

        Breathe in. Breathe out. I need to change. Hopefully, it was not only outside, but also inside. I opened my cabinet and choose a pair of navy blue pants and shirt. I tied my hair using my baby pony taol then I walked going back downstairs. I'm hungry.

  "The dinner is ready, Renee'." My mother said. We are complete today, well, always. My father is sitting beside my mother. Then, of course, my little sister is sitting beside me.
 
      " Sizzy lead the prayer first" My mom said.
      
       "Yes, Mom. Let's start. In the name of the father, of the son and of the holy spirit, Amen.  Bless us Oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through Christ, Our Lord. Amen. In the name of the father, of the son and of the holy spirit. Amen." Prayed by Sizzy.

        "Let's eat." My mom said. And we started to eat.

         "By the way Renee', I already get someone to do the wall paint in our house. So, they will start tomorrow. And also, the plumber and the electrician will repair our water lines and the electric circuit by tomorrow." My father said. "And I almost forgot, the carpenter will also change our roof, well it was suppose to be fixing but the carpenter suggested to change the whole roof since it is too rusty and too many holes." He added.

        "Alright, Dad!" I just said. Finally, our house is gradually changing. Hopefully, our mode of living will change too.

        "Don't worry Renee', I suggested to your Mom if we can have a mini store here in front of our house and I'll be the one to watch for it. It will help for our finances." My father said.

         "But, I think you can't do it with your situation right now. Did Mom approved it?" I protested.

        "We already talked about it, Renee'. Besides, Sizzy is growing so as to her schools. We also have debts. It will help us Renee'. My earnings from the market is not enough. I know that you are also working but you have a life too. You're not getting any younger, Renee'." My mom explained it to me.

      "Your Mom's right, Renee'. Besides, I can handle it. I maybe a disabled person but I am still alive. I don't want to die without doing anything for our family." My father said it emotionally.

       "I understand, Mom, Dad." I just said. "But, don't worry I will help for all our finances. I'm working for this family and not for anything else." I said to them. "It is for our family."

      "And Renee' will still buy me chocolates and lollipops. Right, Renee'?" Sizzy said while smiling then winked at me. Her eyes were twinkling so bright.

I laughed at her then pinched her two cheeks. I know that she was just kidding.

"Of course, little sis!" I said to her and hugged her.

"Yes!" she said while laughing out loud.

      Well, this is our family. This is my family. This is my life. There's no better sound than their laughter at dinner. There's no better sight than their smiles as they savor your feast, and no better season than this, when everyone is home. Life is nothing without family. Living with them is a blessing. They are the one that motivates me. They are the one that inspired me. They are the air that I breathe. I love them.

  " I'll do the wash." I said to them and cleaned our mess in the table.

  "You sure? You've just came from a tiring days. I know that you're too tired!" My mom said.

  "No, I'm fine Mom." I insisted.

"Alright. I will just continue the laundry." She said and leave.

       Sizzy went on her room. My father is resting outside. And I am now here, alone, washing the plates. I can breathe well. There is no holding grudges. Realization slaps me. It slaps me so I will know what I really needed most. It slaps me so I will know what I wanted most. Realization slaps me to know the truth. And the truth is killing me.

       Yes! At the moment, I am struggling. I am struggling into what do I need to do. What is the right thing to do? At the moment, I felt in between of consciousness and awareness. I am in between of realization and the truth. The doubtness is started to run through my veins that flows through my brain down to my heart. My emotion keeps on holding back. It should be. Yes! It should be.

  "I'm done!" Then I wipe my hands to the hand towel in the refrigerator. Yes! I'm done. I'm done on thinking of those kinds of- Arg! Stop!

        I walked upstairs. I walked back into my room. I laid on my bed. I want to sleep. I want to rest for a while. Life is so surprising. It is full of mysteries. Expect the unexpected. Expect the best yet the worst. I know my plans in life. I know what should come first. I know what should I need to be prioritize. I knew it. It was written on my mind, on my brain. It was written on my body system. It was written all over it. I just need to rest a bit and I know tomorrow will be fine than before. I just need to rest my mind for a while and I know that the coming days will be more productive than the usual. I know now. I really knew it. Yes! It was the truth. The truth. The truth that will hurt me most yet will let me live.