Offstage || MJ

Offstage || Chapter 25

1987 – California

CHARLENE

I was scared two-fold.

I knew about Skip's cheating habits and ran off on purpose. To be honest, I didn't even know what love was supposed to feel like anyway. For obvious reasons, I only knew emotional pain. At the same time, Prince still gifted me with admiration and respect when doors closed. When only he and I stood in a room alone. No groupies. No tours. Just smiles, flirtation and...good company. Of course, I still wouldn't feel deserving. If karma whipped around and revealed Prince's true colors, I felt responsible. Almost as I asked for heartache in the first place.

With Michael, the same confusion applied. We even forgave one another concerning the arrogance. I just couldn't see myself in relationships, even with someone like him. Even in the face of Michael's romantic feelings, I couldn't return the sentiment. The night I visited him in Japan, we agreed on taking pictures backstage. I soon danced in the wings as Jackson performed. Just brilliant. Otherwise, I left out of that jam-packed, earsplitting auditorium with security and packed at the hotel to go home. We didn't even talk after the concert.

I buried myself in work and even found Janet again. During one of the countless rehearsal days, I watched in a studio as Paula taught Janet choreography for "When I Think Of You." Another favorite record of mine. Beyond that star approval, I negotiated with a company to possibly teach dance classes. Dialogue seemed lackluster at first, but I remained positive. There was no other choice.

Tired of staying home one night, I called up my "new" best friend. Brenda and I connected since Mom and Dad never gave me a sister. We'd chatted time and time again, but wouldn't paint the town red until this evening. I obviously swamped with my own dancing work. Poor Brenda hustled in the recording studio with that amazing voice. As I'd known, she would release an album next year. Of course, I'd purchase that magic.

When we pulled up to the club and stepped out of that polished limousine, jaw dropped. Paparazzi gathered as if these folks had never seen two ladies before. I stood alongside Brenda without smiling. This woman mimicked my stance. We looked good. Good enough for men to almost drool at least. Whispered voices admired our dark complexions. We both selected metallic dresses. My hips embraced black. Brenda voted gold. Both sets of our curls remained wild in the meantime.

Bustin' up on a cloud, shout out loud.
You're the one for me.
With your love by my side.
The world will be mine.
You're the one for me.

With this true love I found.
Picks my feet up off the ground to fly away.
With this true love my dear.
Takes away my every fear, don't go away...

"Excuse me, but I have to dance! We used this so much when I was a "Soul Train" member. Brenda turned toward me and almost shouted over "You're The One For Me" by D-Train. That usually subtle New Jersey accent unexpectedly thickened. I laughed hysterically at this point.

Not even seconds later, I looked up to find that woman grooving on one of the risers. Heels and all. If only I had been that fearless at times. Brenda Michelle still lived life regardless of the constant media disdain back then. In that moment, I realized my own reluctance and hopped onto the platform with her. For one night, we could forget reality.

__

I called Michael that next morning. Regardless of the bizarre time zone difference, I somehow caught up with this man. His voice seemed laidback and expectant. I mellowed out at the tone of his words. With a coffee mug placed on the nightstand, I'd curl up with a good paperback afterwards. This had been my first "day-off" in months.

"Hello, stranger." Michael teased on the other line. I laughed to myself once more. California sunshine peeked through my windows blinds in a cliché manner. Still, I deserved to wake up without rushing out later. As for Michael, I smirked at the near flirtation he'd also implied. Judging from his now altered tone, I knew something was different.

"What's going on with you?" I rolled my eyes, but grinned once more. It wasn't long before I sat up against these and waited. His answer could've intrigue me. For the millionth time I didn't know what to think. I soon drank from this mug with free hand.

"Nothin'. I'm just waiting for rehearsals to start again. We just finished lunch, girl. Michael offered his rarely noticed Gary accent. I smiled, of course. He wasn't fooling anyone, but I wouldn't say anything directly. I just knew that he'd bring Prince or me into the conversation. While cliché, there was only a matter of time. Meanwhile, I changed the subject. If I remained quiet long enough, Michael would slip Prince and I into a talking point. I just knew.

"So, where you going next overseas? I know that you won't tour America again until next year." I wanted to sigh out of loud. Given my busy schedule, I didn't even know if I could visit Michael on tour again this year. I'd need to wait until Jackson at least hit California with a show. At least Los Angeles.

"Australia." Michael beamed. For a second, I thought it was adorable.

"Good for you," I said, wishing not to hold Michael up any longer. "Well, I let you get back to rehearsal, okay? Kick ass onstage tonight and I'll hopefully talk to soon, Michael."

"Wait, wait!" Michael almost yelled into my ear. I almost jumped on the bed. "Why are you rushing me off? I was just about to ask you something."

I knew exactly what it was.

"I know what you're gonna ask me, Michael. Sorry, but I probably wouldn't make it to these upcoming shows. I've got so much line up this year now that the Brenda fiasco's out of my hair." I groaned on the line. "Maybe during the American tour."

"Damn." Michael whispered. "You read my mind. Well, best of luck to you and we should meet up next year. Bye, Char."

"Bye, Mike. I'll talk to you soon. I laughed in an almost bittersweet way this time. Moments later, I hung up and opened this novel as if nothing happened.

Maybe neither of us cared about the emotions anymore.