An American In London S3

Dear Marius...

I walk into his bedroom and toss my bag down on the floor. Everything was so white and peaceful, I felt like I was invading his personal space. I sit down on the steps leading up to his bed; which was on this raised platform, to rest my foot as he walks up to his bed.

 "Are you sure you're up for this? We don't have to go," He says and picks up multiple old fashioned envelopes from his bed. 

"Yeah, I'm sure I'll be okay sweetheart. What are those?" I ask as he walks back down the steps, holding the letters like infants in his arms.

"Um..."

He lays the letters out on his desk and sighs.

 "They are letters that were left to me by my parents. Apparently, they wrote one together every year on my birthday since the day I was born. The only thing is I don't know whether to start. From nineteen and work my way down or one and work my way up. What do you think Hamie?" 

He asks for my opinion what could very well be one of the most important decisions of his life.

"I would go for nineteen and work my way down. That way you can get the recent stuff out of the way and slowly make your way down memory lane." I tell him and he nods quietly.

 Grabbing one of the letters and sitting down next to me. There was a small 19 on the front in a calligraphic scrawl. 

I wrap my arm around him and he hunches over the letter, carefully flipping the white envelope with slightly torn corners over and over in his hands. 

"My papa must have written this one...by himself..." Mari says as he carefully works open the envelope. 

He rest his head on my shoulder as he finally gets the letter open. He slides it out of the envelope with the rustle of paper quickly becoming the only sound in the room. 

"Are you sure you want to open that now?" I ask, knowing he had to see his family soon.

 "I think...I think I just want to read the first few lines." Mari explains as he carefully unfolds the letter.

 It was in Alohowa, which I was unable to read but he closes his eyes for a moment. Taking in a shaky breath. I wrap my arm around his small waist as he sighs.

 "Dear Marius, 

I am sad to say this will be my last letter to you...
not because you are now an adult and need to figure out this journey for yourself,
but because..." 

He stops reading and rest the letter on his knee while he holds his head in his hand. Seeing him in so much pain physically hurt me and caused my heart to falter but there was nothing I could do. I could only hold him so close and wipe the tears he sheds through the rough days and nights. 

Mari sniffles and picks up the letter again.

"But because every day it's getting harder and harder to breathe. 
The nights are endless and cold while Bridgeport lays lifeless and my soul has already passed on with your father's.
This physical form can only hold on for so long because I'm in so much pain...
I'm sorry my sunshine..." 

Mari drops the letter with a choked outcry while I hold him close.

 The letter gently drifts to the floor and rests on the white carpet while he falls into my lap, his hand grips the left side of his chest in an indescribable pain, feeling my own tears burn as I start to cry into his shoulder. 

"Hamie..." he moans my name while weeping and I try to stop these uncontrollable tears so I could be strong for him. 

I gave Joseph my word and I refuse to go back on it now. 

"Oh Mari...I'm so sorry," I sigh into his shoulder and carefully wipe his tears away with the tip of my thumb while he closes his eyes and sniffles.

After a few minutes, he squeezes my leg and gently rubs my knee. 

 "We still have to go to that dinner don't we?" Mari groans, trying to change the subject while I run my fingers through his hair. 

"Again, We don't have to if you don't want to," I tell him and he opens his bright green eyes, turning to look up at me. 

"Hmm...I think it will be good to get some fresh air, and besides my family is excited to meet you," he says as he forces himself to sit up. 

As much as I wanted him to relax, I knew he was right.