'05 Ford Mustang

26

Kirstie and Mitch sat down at a table in the corner of the small, homey, coffee shop, Kirstie looking at Mitch and smiling.

"So?" She said, waiting for Mitch to start talking.

Mitch licked his lips, looking up from his coffee, "What?"

Kirstie rolled her eyes, "We've known each other since forever, dated even, I can tell you have something to get off your chest. What is it?"

Mitch smiled sadly, "Something happened between me and Scott."

"Did he hurt you?"

Mitch shook his head, "No... no I hurt him." Mitch said softly, hoping that Kirstie didn't hear so he could have the chance to say 'nevermind' and move on to talking about something else.

Kirsties brows furrowed, "What? Mitch, what happened."

Mitch shook his head and closed his eyes, "I didn't mean to." He said, sadness in his voice, looking back up at Kirstie, "I-... I didn't mean to." He said again, this time in a whisper.

Kirstie reached across the small table, grabbing Mitchs hand gently, "Honey, what happened?"

"We started making out and I really wanted to take it all the way but he didn't, he said he wanted to wait till we say we 'I love you', and at first I didn't get it but now I do because whats the point in having sex in a relationship if you don't love each other? But right then, my mind was so clouded with what my body wanted and when he said to stop, I didn't. He had to push me off to get me to stop. I mean, what kind of person does that? What kind of person would hurt someone they care about? And I felt so fucking bad, even worse when he wasn't mad but-.. but hurt and disappointed. I stayed up so late crying my eyes out and feeling like... like a complete and utter ass for what I did and the next day, he got worried because I wasn't at school and even though I was a complete fucking shitty person the night before, he came to check on me. He still fucking cared about me even after what I did to him and he forgave me so easily. He said he forgave me and that he was hurt but he really likes me and wanted us to work and so he forgave me. And I- I don't...." Mitch shook his head and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyelids.

Kirstie took a deep breath, "Okay... okay. Wow." She said, taking in everything Mitch said, "Honey, look, what you did wasn't right and its very obvious you feel bad about and if Scotts forgiving you, he most likely sees how sorry you are. Scott wouldn't give his forgiveness to someone who doesn't deserve it. Assuming you apologized, and you actually, truly, feel sorry, and he forgave you, then whats the problem?"

Mitch looked at her, "He forgives me, sure, but... I don't even trust myself around him anymore. When we kiss, I'm scared that I'll do something again."

"I know you can control yourself, Mitch. You have self-control."

Mitch shook his head, "Not around him. He makes me crazy, Kirst. A good kind of crazy though. A crazy where... I wanna kiss him all the time and... and I like him so much it hurts everytime I see him, my heart gets caught in my throat and I feel like I'm gonna cry."

"I still don't understand, Mitchie. You love him-sorry- like him, this much and you're truly sorry and you want to be with him. Then whats the problem?" She asked again, intentionally pressing the question.

"The problem is that... yes, I like him that much and yes, I am truly sorry and yes, he forgives me... but I can't forgive myself. I like him so much that I can't bring myself to forgive myself for hurting someone I care about."

Kirsties face went blank, "Oh... Mitchie, Scott is obviously head-over-heals for you and he trusts you so much and he wouldn't have forgiven you if he didn't think that the two of you could work through this."

"But what if he likes me so much that its clouding his judgment? I know I should've taken his forgiveness and moved on so we can be happy and that this shouldn't be the big deal I'm making it because its not like I actually fucking raped him and I know that I wouldn't have taken it that far but part of me questions myself and a huge part of me wants to just be with him."

Kirstie sighed, "You want the honest truth? Talk to Scott. He would know exactly what to say out of anyone you could talk to. You two are the only ones who can work this out, If you continue to carry this, your relationship is going to fall apart."

Mitch nodded, "Yeah... I know. I just, I'm scared that if I keep bringing it up, he'll get sick of talking about it and yell or something."

"Honey, Scott wouldn't yell at you. Trust me, he wants to know if this is something thats still hurting and bothering you. Talk to him."