"Little do you know" - Hotchniss

what's it all for?

"Once more, I will not quit my job at the BAU!", Emily snapped as she carefully put Kaia in the baby carriage. "I'm going to the park with Kaia!"

She didn't wait for Josh to reply and quickly left her apartment and took a deep breath, the cold air filled her lungs.

One year had passed and Emily was definitely not where she wanted to be in her life. Kaia was an amazing daughter and Emily loved her with every piece of her broken heart, but that was the only positive thing she could really count. Josh and her were still engaged, they had decided to wait until Kaia would get a bit older. After their daughter had been born, things had seemed to be perfect - at first. After some time, she had gotten annoyed by the way Josh always tried to avoid small fights and arguments. It was totally childish of him; small discussions belonged into a relationship. As closer as the end of Emily's parental leave got, Josh had started to doubt if a mother should still do the job she did. It had reached up to a point where he had even asked her to quit.

And that was when Emily had finally exploded. She had freaked out, her job was - besides her daughter - one of the most important things in her life and she needed it. They had had their first real fight, and it had directly been a huge one. In the end, she had just left with Kaia, heading to Hotch's place.

He was surprised as he opened the door to see find his best friend in front of it.

"Hey", she sighed.

"Hey", he smiled in a confused way.

"Can we come in?"

"Always", he replied and stepped aside, helping her to get the baby carriage in his house.

He was glad that she had come to see him with Kaia. Due to her parental leave, they hadn't seen each other regularly, since he had to travel a lot with the job. Still, they had texted 24/7 and talked to each other on the phone every night, just like they had promised before she had moved out.

"Hey little girl", he smiled as he carefully pulled Kaia out of the carriage. "Look at you! You are growing so fast!"

A wide smile formed on Emily's lips as he watched them. Kaia was giggling happily, she loved Aaron. He was always able to calm her down when she was crying, he was able to get her asleep if she didn't want to and he always took her to amazing places like the zoo if he had time.

"She's obviously happy to see you", Emily said.

"So am I", Hotch replied. "And I'm happy to see you, too."

"Oh, trust me, I am more than happy to be at your place with you", she sighed and his face turned serious. He knew her, he knew that something was up and that it obviously was something with Josh.

"Wanna order some food and talk about it?", he asked.

"I'd love to", she smiled.

About half an hour later, they sat on the couch, eating Chinese noodles, while Kaia was sleeping in some pillows between them. It was like in old times - just with a baby.

"So, what happened?", he carefully asked.

"It's about Josh", she mumbled and looked at the ring on her finger.

"What did he do?"

"He's driving me insane!", she exclaimed. "He started to behave so childish, and on top, he wants me to quit the FBI!"

Of course Hotch knew how she felt. He had had experienced the same situation with Haley, she hated his job and wanted him to stay at home, especially after Jack had been born.

"He's just worried", he tried to calm her down. This would not calm her down, but everyone knew how it had ended between Aaron and Haley: they had gotten divorced. And he definitely didn't want Emily to go through a break-up, not now where she had a daughter and would get back to work next week.

"He's ridiculous!", she snapped.

"It's normal for people that don't have the same job as we do", he sighed. "Haley thought the same as Josh."

Emily had thought about this before, but was her job really such a huge problem that Josh would break up with her? Somehow, she didn't even feel sad as she thought about them breaking up. Deep down, she knew that she had never really loved him. She liked him, no doubts. But she didn't love him. And she knew why, but she was even too afraid to let this thought get on her mind: she still loved Aaron.

"Do you think he is going to break up with me?", she asked him.

Hotch raised his head and looked at her. "He would be really stupid if he did."

Silence filled the room and they both just stared at each other. Hotch internally face palmed himself for letting these words slip out of his mouth. He should have said something else, he should have.

Even though Scarlett and him had gotten very serious the past year, he still couldn't stop thinking about Emily. Somehow, a little part in him was still hoping that she would come around one day.

It was Kaia who broke the silence by babbling in her sleep. Immediately, both of them smiled down at the baby.

"I know I hadn't planned to become a mother, but she is without doubt the best thing that ever happened to me", Emily whispered.

Hotch felt the same way about Jack. A child changed one's life so much, it enriched it immensely.

They kept looking at Kaia, until Emily spoke up: "I am so excited to come back to work next monday!"

"Me too, it was not the same without my best friend at my side", he grinned.

"I really missed it", she sighed. "God, it's going to feel so good to finally have my team around me again. It was way too quiet in my apartment, the only thing you could hear was a baby crying sometimes!"

He let out a small chuckle. "Is Josh going to stay with Kaia then?"

"Some days", she nodded. "It's either him, his Mum oder sometimes even my Mum."

He just nodded as well, resting his eyes on her. He couldn't believe how quick time was passing, that his feelings for her had again survived another year.

She was asking herself the same. How could she have gotten this unhappy regarding her love life within a year? Suddenly, she asked herself if she had ever been really happy with Josh, or she just wanted to feel happy for Kaia? She knew what true happiness actually meant to her; it meant being around Aaron.

And this was how they spent the rest of the day, talking, eating, laughing. His place was some kind of freedom to her no one could ever take away. And her presence was his peace. He would only feel completely free when she was around.

They were each other's peace.