"Little do you know" - Hotchniss

toxic

The next morning, Hotch found himself on Emily's couch as he woke up. He blinked one, two times until he could see clearly. It was his best friend who slept next to him, peacefully, eventually hung-over like hell. How long had they been asleep? It could not have been more than three hours, it had already been long past midnight when it had happened.

He remembered it cleary, every single second of it. How she had kissed him, how their tongues had fought for dominance and how she tasted like Whiskey - and how he had broken them apart. They both had been totally breathless. He had not expected this, but it had felt so right. But she had just been drunk. Maybe it was nothing to her; just an accident.

They had not slept with each other, no, it was only this heated, passionate kiss they had shared until she had fallen asleep in his arms.

Quietly, he got up and went to Kaia's room to check on her. She was still asleep, but he sat down next to her bed. What would have happened if he hadn't pulled away? Would they have continued? Or would she have pulled back after some time? And how would she react when she woke up?

All these years, he had wished for nothing more than this, and now that it had happened, he understood that it made everything even more complicated.

He then walked back into the living room of her apartment, cleaning up a bit before entering her kitchen in order to make them coffee and to get an Aspirin for him and two for her. It was shortly after he had started the coffee machine when she woke up.

Emily let out a small sigh as she got up. Her head hurt like hell, it was aching with every breath she took. "Ouch", she mumbled and looked around, her eyes barely open. Where was Hotch? Had he left after what had happened? And - oh God - how was Kaia?

"Morning", he said as he discovered her awake.

She didn't dare to look him into the eye.

"How long have you been awake?", she mumbled.

"Long enough to check on your daughter, to tidy up a bit and to make us coffee and very strong Aspirin for you.", he replied and looked down.

"Thank you", she smiled in relief. Kaia was okay. And she had coffee and something against this damn headache. Quickly, she downed the Aspirin and drank her coffee.

"I feel like crap", she muttered. "And I cannot remember anything."

She was lying, of course. She remembered it crystal clear, especially the moment he had pushed her away. He didn't want her, she was sure now. He had obviously no feelings or anything close to that for her. How stupid of her to get her hopes this high, how stupid of her to let this dangerous mix of alcohol and her real feelings take over control.

Her words hit him like a truck. She didn't remember the kiss? What was this supposed to mean?

"Did anything special happen?", she asked almost innocently as she sipped her coffee.

He paused, before shaking his head: "No."

Emily had problems to keep a straight face. Again, she felt like she had been right: he didn't even consider their kiss as special, he wanted to forget about it, maybe he was even glad that she did not remember?

"Oh", she replied plainly and looked down.

Hotch asked himself if he should tell her what had happened. Or was it even better that she did not remember? It would break them, right? If she didn't remember it, maybe he should try to forget about it as well, but that was - of course - impossible. He couldn't stop thinking about his lips on hers, how they had moved so perfect against each other. But he had to pull away. She had been drunk, it hadn't been fair for her. She probably hadn't even been aware of what she had been doing.

But she had. It had been the alcohol that had broken the wall to her inner feelings down, but her brain had perfectly registered what she had been doing. Emily also thought about how good it had felt, but she directly tried to ban this thought from her brain again. He had pushed her away. She just couldn't forget that.

"I'm gonna look after Kaia", she whispered and slowly walked over to her daughter's room. Her head was hurting like hell, but it wasn't the only part of her body hurting. And it was not the headache that was responsible for all the tears streaming down her face as soon as she had walked away from him. It was her broken heart.

He still stood in the kitchen, closing his eyes for a brief second. Why did it happen this way? Why could it never work out right for them?

As his phone rang, he nearly jumped out of his thoughts. Scarlett. Guilt shot through his body and he got a bad conscience. Had he betrayed her by kissing Emily, even though the kiss obviously did not mean anything to her? To him, the kiss meant more than he wanted it to.

Swallowing thickly, he picked up. "Hey."

"Hey, where are you?"

"I'm at Emily's place, why?", he asked.

"Oh, okay. If you had been at work, I would have picked you up for lunch later.", she replied.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's fine, Babe. How is Emily?"

God, he hated how kind-hearted Scarlett was. She was only women he had ever dated that liked and accepted Emily as his best friend, never being jealous or mad at him for spending so much time with her.

"I think she drank a bit too much last night, but she's okay", he smiled. "Hey, how about I pick you up later for lunch?"

"I'd love that", she said and he could literally picture her smiling at the other end of the line.

"Good", he chuckled.

"Look, I gotta go. Some people have to work for their money.", Scarlett then said.

"Hey!", he grinned.

"I'm just kidding", she chuckled. "See you later, okay? And take care of Emily, being a hung-over mother can be really hard, trust me."

"Will do", he smiled. "See you later!"

Emily had listened to the whole conversation with Kaia in her arms. She had swallow a sob as she realized how happy Scarlett made him. The way he chuckled, smiled, grinned and even laughed - he was happy with her, happier than he had probably ever been.

Her head was pounding, and she wanted to close her eyes to compensate the pain, but as soon as she did, she remembered their kiss. It had been toxic. They had been toxic. And maybe they still are.

Suddenly, Kaia started to cry as she realized that her mother way crying as well.

"It's okay, baby", Emily tried to calm her daughter down. "Shh, it's okay. C'mon, don't cry." She started to rock her softly, but it wouldn't work, since Emily couldn't even stop herself from crying.

"Kaia, please", she then sobbed. "I know how shitty all of this is, trust me honey, I know."

And that was the moment she realized that she needed a break from all this drama, all these messy feelings for Hotch and all her failed relationships that had hunted her the past years. She couldn't take it anymore.