"Little do you know" - Hotchniss

decisions

Emily had really intended to save Josh's and her relationship, she really had. After she had found the engagement ring that Hotch had bought for Scarlett, she was sure that she should stop to think about her feelings for her best friend on focus on her real relationship.

But as much as she had tried, it had not been enough. It had been Josh who had called their engagement off, after she had been on a case for three days straight. To be honest, Emily had not even tried to change his mind as she had come home to find him with packed suitcases. And it had not even hurt her that much to let him go. On the opposite. She felt free.

Ever since, she and Hotch spent more time together again. Even though she was still hurt by the fact that he wanted to propose to Scarlett, she was glad that they were now able to spend more time together. She only kept asking herself for how long this all would stay.

It was a friday night and they just had gotten to his house. Before, they had dropped Jack off at Haley's place and Kaia was with Josh this night. Scarlett and her son had gone to see her parents over the weekend, so they had time for themselves.

"Castle or The Mentalist?", Emily asked him as she headed to the living room.

"I'd say Castle, but I know that you prefer The Mentalist", he grinned as he opened the fridge and pulled two beer bottles out.

"True", she chuckled and turned on the TV, before heading to his bedroom in order to get them comfy clothes.

"This show is so unrealistic, I have no clue why you love it so much", he said, following her.

"Because Patrick Jane is so hot!", she grinned and pulled out two of his shirts and one of her and one of his jogging pants.

"Seriously?", he looked at her. "That blondie?!"

"Have you seen his fluffy hair?", she sighed and grinned again as she left to the bathroom to get changed. In the meantime, he changed in his room.

He was glad that the old Emily was back. Of course she was a mother now, but she was not stressed anymore or trying to be in a relationship she didn't even wanted to be in. But he would never tell her that. To be honest, her break-up with Josh was the reason why he still had not proposed to Scarlett. There was still this little spark of hope that just would not go out.

"Do you have some remains of food left?", Emily asked as she left the bathroom, just in the moment he flipped his shirt over his head. She admired his torso for this brief second, until turning her attention back to his face.

"Sure", he chuckled and she left the bedroom, him following her. He loved the way she wore her leggings with his shirt. Nobody else would ever believe him that she would run around like this at his place, but here she was.

"Ready for Patrick Jane?", she chuckled as they headed to the couch, packed with food and beer bottles.

"And his oh so fluffy hair?", he rolled his eyes but smiled. "Of course I am!"

About two hours later, the TV was turned off and they sat on the couch, her legs over his lap, like she used to do it in early times. Once again, it amazed her how much had changed in the past year.

"It's crazy, isn't it?", she sighed and looked at him.

"What do you mean?", he asked.

"I mean how much has happened during the last year. You were with Beth, I was suddenly pregnant, I was with Josh, even engaged, now you're with Scarlett, I'm a working mother... If I would have told you all this exactly two years go, you wouldn't believe me.", she smiled.

"That's true", he replied. "Time passes so quickly..."

"It does", she nodded.

"You know, I haven't told you before, but because of this fact I am thinking of proposing to Scarlett", he said and looked at her.

"Oh", was all she could say, trying to act surprised.

"I mean, who knows how much we have left", he sighed. "And things work out really well with her. She accepts Jack and my job, she doesn't have any problems with me being on cases for some days and Jack adores her..."

"Do you love her?", Emily blurted out.

"I believe so", he looked down. He wasn't even sure if he really believed it. His feelings for Emily were still too strong. If someone asked him if he loved her, he would immediately say 'yes' without any doubts. But Scarlett? She was amazing, but was he really with her because he loved her or because she was so good with his job and Jack? The only woman who had ever been this way as well was Emily. And since he was sure that Emily would never feel the way he did, why shouldn't he give Scarlett a chance?

Emily just swallowed. It hurt to hear him saying these words, but there was something else bothering her. She had something to tell him as well. It had been on her desk for a long time, yet she hadn't had the chance to tell him or to make a choice.

"Then you should probably ask her", she shrugged.

"You think so?", he turned his head to her again.

"She sounds perfect for you", she forced herself to smile.

He just nodded and stared at her. Was she right?

"There is something I have to tell you as well", she sighed.

"What is it?", he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Some days ago, I got a letter from Interpol London", she whispered. "They're offering me to take over the lead of Interpol."

"Interpol London?", he choked. Interpol was a huge chance for her, still it was in London.

"Yea", she nodded.

"Are you going to take it?", he whispered, not daring to look at her anymore.

"I don't know", she sighed. "It's a great opportunity, actually. I would get paid better, and London is a great place for Kaia to grow up. It even has good schools for her if time comes. But it would also mean leaving all of you..."

"I don't want you to leave", he mumbled. "But I would totally understand if you're going to take it. It's a huge offer, and you worked so hard to get this far on your career."

Once again, they said things they did not even mean. Emily did not want him to propose to Scarlett, yet she had told him to do it. And Hotch definitely did not want her to leave to London, yet he had said that he would understand if she did so.

Life was being unfair to them again, it was tearing them apart. They had just gotten closer again after everything had been way too messy, and now they were facing hard decisions again. And neither of them knew how the other really felt.