"Little do you know" - Hotchniss

barely breathing

Emily let out a small sigh as she unlocked the door to Hotch's house this evening. Another month had passed and she started to feel exhausted very quickly, even though she was only six months pregnant.

"Where have you been?!", Hotch asked as she stepped in and took her jacket off. He had been worried, they had not seen or talked to each other since this morning.

"Is that your business?", she asked coldly.

Their relationship had changed. Hotch was now officially with Beth, and Emily spent as less time as possible around him. It just hurt too much. She had become very distant, and he had noticed that as well. Yet, he thought it was because of her pregnancy.

"Kinda?", he replied, obviously confused. "I haven't heard from you all day!"

"So?", she turned to face him but didn't look him in the eyes. "I haven't heard from you neither."

"I -", he paused. "You're right, I'm sorry."

"It's okay", she sighed and kicked her shoes off.

"So, did you meet someone?", he asked, trying to sound friendlier.

"Yes", she answered, walking over to the fridge to get some water.

"Who?", he asked, a bit annoyed that she barely spoke.

"None of your business", she mumbled and grabbed a bottle of water and a glass.

"Emily, what's wrong?!", he asked with a concerned voice.

"Nothing", she rolled her eyes at him. "It's just been something personal, okay?!"

"Something personal? We have always talked about everything, Em, I'm your best friend! You can tell me everything, you know that! And what made this person so special that you cannot even tell me about him or her?", he furrowed his eyebrows.

"He is the father of my baby!", she spat. "Are you happy now?!"

Taking the water bottle with her, she rushed pass him, but he stopped her by grabbing her arm: "Em!"

"What?!", she hissed.

"You didn't even tell me that you found him! And you just went to meet him alone? What if something happened? What is going on with you?!"

"Are you seriously asking me what's going on with me?! Maybe you should ask yourself the goddamn same question! I would have told you if you hadn't been that busy with your girlfriend or your stupid 'mission' to make Jack like her! Don't put all the blame on me, Aaron. I am just glad that my daughter is going to grow up with a father by her side. Now let me go!", she snapped.

All of the sudden, the grip around her arm loosened and Hotch's eyes widened. "You're expecting a girl?"

"Obviously."

"When did you find out?"

"Abour one month ago, actually the day you met Beth at the grocery store to be exact.", she replied coldly and left to his room.

Tears ran down her cheeks as she started to pack her stuff, stiffing everything carelessly into her bags. There was no reason for her to stay anymore. She had ruined it. Once again, her feelings had had control over her. "Damn it", she whispered as the tears would not stop flooding her face. She sat down on his bed, burying her face in her hands. She had brought him in a situation he was not able to understand. Of course he wasn't, why had she even overreacted like this?

Hotch still stood in the kitchen, paralyzed in shock. Had he really been this inattentive? Smashing his fist against the plate of the counter, he realized how wrong he had behaved. He had not been there for her, he had given her a feeling of being unimportant. God, how he hated himself. Why was he nothing but hurting the woman he actually loved?

They were losing each other. They were losing their best friend, their one true love.

About two hours had passed until he couldn't take it anymore and carefully knocked on the door of her room.

"Emily?", he whispered.

She did not reply.

"I know you're awake", he said softly. "I'm sorry, I really am. Please open up."

It took her some minutes, but she eventually opened the door and looked up at him. Her eyes were red from crying, all her face was wet. Emily stepped aside to let him in, crossing her arms over her belly and looking down.

"I'm so sorry", he whispered. "I've been an awful best friend in the past weeks and I know I really hurt you. Please believe me."

She nodded weakly, still looking down. "It's okay", she replied silently. "I haven't been a good friend neither."

He sat down on his bed, patting on the empty spot next to him. Emily released a breath she didn't know she was holding as she sat down next to him.

There they were, staring on the floor.

"So, how is he?", Hotch then asked carefully. "The father of your daughter, I mean."

Emily swallowed before replying: "He seems nice. He was really surprised but directly said he wants to be part of her life and that he is able to pay child support and that he wants to get to know me better. And that I could always call him if I needed something."

"Are you happy?"

"I'm relieved. My daughter does not have to grow up with only me and the way he reacted was the best that could have happened. He has a well-paid job, owns a house and is single. Imagine he'd be married or in a relationship in general, God, that would have been the worst", she sighed.

"What's his name?", Hotch felt like he was asking too many questions, but he wanted to know more.

"Josh", Emily replied, still looking down.

He nodded, and then discovered her packed bags. "Please don't tell me that you want to leave", he turned to look at her.

"I don't know", she whispered. "I mean - do you think this is really a good idea? I appreciate that you don't want me to be alone but I'm totally occupying your space, especially now that you have girlfriend, you need it. I have an apartment to live in, Hotch. I can do it on my own."

"No, please stay", he begged. "Beth isn't bothered at all and I really want to be by your side as much as possible!"

But it was Emily who was bothered by Beth. She wasn't even able to stay in the same room as Beth did for longer than 30 minutes. The pain shooting through her body was too much.

"Give me some time", she said, finally looking at him. "I need to figure some things out first, okay?"

"Okay.", he whispered.

But he was not okay at all and neither was she.