Life's Fear

Chapter Eighteen

"I think I ought to leave," I gushed as soon as I'd pulled back.

Then I turned around and waltzed right out of Jason's house, marching down the street to my own, only to get lost countless times (more times than I'd care to confess). Jason was shouting at me to come back all the way down his street before I said, "I really need to get home – I have babysitting to do," as it was the first thing that popped into my head.

My pace had decelerated now that Jason had gone back into his own house and was probably doing the same thing as me now: contemplating what on earth just transpired in his room. We kissed. In a heated moment of insanity, I'd stepped up and kissed him. It felt good. It felt exceedingly more than good, but was that bad to enjoy it so much with him? I'd been warned incessantly about him, but it felt so good to kiss him.

When I got home, Mum said, "You're back early from Max's."

"She felt sick," was all I said, and made my way to my room.

I stood opposite my door, holding the handle before I closed it. I had a sudden flashback of what happened twenty minutes prior. Inadvertently I ended up slamming my door shut and I cringed as I sat down on my bed, abandoning my phone on my nightstand and that was that for now. I ran my hair through my fingers and sighed loudly, though it sounded more like a moan once I'd generated the rather unattractive noise.

It seemed ever since Max and Jesse commenced with the warnings about Jason that I was beginning to find him more intriguing and as a result of that: attractive. I didn't want to fall for him, but somehow, I seemed concurrently inescapable of that and was now in a void that was known as Jason. Nothing was going my way. How would everyone react once it was divulged that he was the midnight vandal of Bellmere? Especially with my dad working on the council and Mum being a social worker...

This was just perfect, I thought.

Every time my phone went off that night, I ignored it until I was lying in bed and the light was off. I had no choice but to glance through the notifications, because truthfully, internally I was dying to know if Jason had said anything. And he had. And I ignored Max's messages first to see his, because I couldn't bear another second unaware of what he had put.

Jason: You probably feel differently, but that kiss meant a lot to me, Blair.

But there wasn't just one text. He'd sent a bunch dispersed through the hours.

Jason: I know I said we were friends last night, but I had hoped...

Jason: Please don't ignore me like this.

Jason: What did the kiss mean to you?

Jason: It had to have meant something because you initiated it. I'm thankful you did, because I don't think I'd have had the guts to do it any time soon.

My first reply was short and sweet, though presumably somewhat hurtful.

Me: I don't know what to say, Jason.

But after reading it over again a few times, I knew I couldn't leave it like that. So I sent another one.

Me: I'm sorry I ran out. I just panicked. I don't regret the kiss, but I don't know what I really want, and that's unfair to say, I know, but it's the truth. However, I'm glad I did it too, but I don't know what to make of it. Where do we go from here? I was in awe when you showed me your graffiti last night. I couldn't believe you wanted to show it to me, and then today when you said all that you did, I was completely overwhelmed and instinct took over rather than rational thought-processing. I liked the kiss. But perhaps this should be kept on the down-low for now.