Life's Fear

Chapter Thirty-Four

"You're great," I managed to murmur out when realisation dawned on me.

Scarlett smirked. "So I've been told."

And then without realising, though maybe I had just been in such a profound reverie that my body was on autopilot, I ended up right outside Jason's house. Something then clicked in my head, and all the reasons why I shouldn't have ended up here popped into my head. Some of them were a little bit more upsetting than others.

Would Jason just shut the door in my face without even saying a word? Would he bitch about me and slag me off to my face? Would he realise he'd made a mistake by saying what he did and would prefer a clean start with us? Would he want to make love to me again? Would he even not bother opening the door if he could see who is outside his house from another window?

Sighing, I held my hand up to the door, finger poised precariously against the doorbell. I needed to find some sort of courage within me just to apply a tiny amount of pressure to activate the doorbell so Jason would open the door to me. It took me a few moments, but on a rush of what I could only deem as pure adrenaline, I managed to successfully execute it.

Thudding footsteps, I could hear on the stairs, not dramatically, either. My heart starting racing knowing that it was Jason approaching the door. Whatever he anticipated for this, however, I could tell it wasn't me on his doorsteps, because his eyes widened and he seemed to forget how to even move temporarily.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, having composed himself. His actions seemed more relaxed, not stiff like he normally was, so perhaps this was a facade he was implementing upon himself.

"We need to talk. Please. Can I come inside?"

Jason's eyes wandered out onto the street to witness any gawking neighbours. I didn't dare adjust my gaze, for fear that if I did, Jason would seize the opportunity to slam the door unexpectedly in my face and I'd have to do the walk of shame back home, and my actions would consequentially be in vain. My endeavours would have been squandered, and there was no way I was going to warrant that.

Nodding once, Jason manoeuvred out of the way to allow me to pass as I stepped past him. He seemed to amble upstairs to his room out of instinct, though I didn't question the action. Anything to keep him relaxed. Perhaps talking upstairs would facilitate an easy-going conversation and less unease and discomfort between the two of us because it's safe ground. It's a safe area, because we made love in his room. In his bed.

"I visited Scarlett," I announced, once Jason had sat on his bed and a fleetingly awkward moment, I joined him.

"She told me via text," he replied monotonously, gesturing idly to his phone on his bedside table. I noticed how he kept his gaze away from me. Anything but me, and that included down at his random graphic tee he was wearing. Had he just thrown it on in the haze of answering the door? Had he been sleeping?

"Were you sleeping?" I asked softly.

"In and out. I'm having trouble sleeping... well, I've always had trouble sleeping, but it's gotten worse."

"Why?"

"As cliché as it is," he breathed, "my best night's sleep was sleeping next to you the other night."

His words sent the butterflies squirming avidly throughout my stomach, but it wasn't wholly enough to eradicate the apprehensions I was experiencing. Jason was still silent, and that was doing nothing to help how I was feeling. In my head, however, the situation didn't go any better than this. That was something that was going for me.

I stole a glance at Jason, where his profile was defined by the night sky outside near a streetlight. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. He really was. How could anyone not truly notice that? How can people just step aside when they see him coming the opposite way and not be struck by his attractiveness? Then again, it seemed silly to ask that because I used to do just that.